Oeufs002bIt was a while ago. I had noticed that different trends seemed to do the rounds in teen fiction – there had been the Harry Potter reinvention of the boarding school novel, and before that there had been a trend for horror, best characterised by the Goosebumps series.  At about that time, something about vampires was beginning to take off, and I wondered what was going to be next.  Now, in those days (which seem dim and distant now) Livejournal was a thing that mattered and on LiveJournal there were communities devoted to DragonKin and OtherKin (look it up – I’m sure its still going on somewhere).  And – despite the fact this wasn’t my particular interest ( I’ve always been more the sort of guy who likes to kill dragons with the aid of polyhedral dice ) –  this inspired me.  Dragons hadn’t been in vogue for a while.  And a character who was gradually discovering that she was a dragon, and right in the middle of the political games played by the other very real dragons seemed like quite a fun idea.

And thats about as far as I got.  The idea swims around in my head, and details crystallise over time, so this is what I’ve learned

The main character – who has most commonly been called Tia (Her full name has been Tia Matthews – based mainly on the possibility that the Babylonian chaos monster Tiamat was a dragon – which seems debatable.   Anyway, the things we know about Tia is that she is an orphan (or maybe has a single mother), does not like school, may well be a shoplifter, but in any event is certainly a troubled teen.  Tia has vague memories of a golden period in her childhood when an elderly neighbour would look after her and tell her fantasy stories.

There are then two supporting characters:  A female engineer / girl-geek type and a male roleplayer/thesp.  They don’t have fixed names in my head yet.  In short the roleplayer/thesp is there to provide access to knowledge about mythology and history, while the engineer is there to find out information in the ‘real’ world (and to provide support to the idea that school is cool – to counter the rebellious ways of Tia)

Finally, a later addition to the mythos is a more mysterious figure.  I have variously called him Bran and Mihai.  In any event, Mihai (lets call him that for now) is this good looking guy who really ought to be the object of Tia’s affections, but there is something special about him – everything seems to imply that he is a vampire.  He is clearly from Romania, he doesn’t like going out in the sun, and, when its looked into, he is quite clearly a direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler.  The idea was to play up the book to look like it was going to be another vampire romance, then turn the tables.  You see Mihai is actually a member of the Order of The Dragon (which is where the Drac in Dracula comes from – Vlad’s dad was initiated into the Order of the Dragon), and the conceit is that the Order of the Dragon was actually a secret society dedicated to keeping dragons under control (Either by killing them or ensuring they remain hidden).  Mihai is really here to locate and ‘contain’ the dragon that is supposedly being raised in this locality (though he doesn’t know who it is)

The story begins with Tia skipping school and getting caught up with some people who seem to be egg thieves.  Tia realises that stealing eggs is a bad thing and decides she want to stop them.  What Tia doesn’t realise is that these guys are working for a dragon and that the ‘egg’ they are hunting is actually a  dragon in its larval form… The larval form being, well, Tia.  However, in a slightly ham fisted puberty metaphor, the teenaged Tia is also gradually discovering she has unusual powers.  SInce Egg is designed to be a series, in this book she would only have the ability to be super fast fit and strong, especially when cornered – and to breath fire right at the end in a particularly dramatic scene.  Later books would introduce flying and shape shifting.  The heart of the idea is that dragons reproduce by shapeshifting to be human, impregnating human women, then sodding off.  The resulting child is a larval dragon.  Since there are only a few dragons, dragons are more or less immortal (unless killed) and most dragons like it that way, they tend to be keen to get rid of the larval dragons early on – they just have a lot of trouble identifying them.

So – there we have it as it stands.  There isn’t much structure yet, and in many ways it feels like a half-hearted rip off of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (though actually Tia is more clearly ripped off of Suze from Meg Cabot’s 1-800-Missing books in my head).  To move this idea forwards what I really need to do is come up with a plot structure, then use that to break the story down into actions.

Nothing is ever totally finished.

There might be the point you stop working on something.  There might be the point you reach some arbitrary goal you have set (be it 50000 words, or a ten book publishing contract).  But nothing is complete.  There is always more that could be done.

So everyone, all the time, leave things unfinished.

But I think there is more to unfinishing than that.  The reasons I came up with this web site, and my project to place my unfinished projects in public are not so much about the act of not finishing as they are about me.

The first reason I have begun unfinishing is that I think value in anything you do, or think, only comes when that idea is shared.  I’ve written about it before.  By publishing, by making it available, I am adding some value (even if all I am adding is examples of how not to write)

The second reason I have begun unfinishing is that unfinishing allows you to start.  I’ve had many ideas, too many.  Most I have left to drift away because I don’t want to make a start, because I know I won’t follow them through to the end, or I know I’ll find something more interesting.  If you’re set on finishing, then projects like that never get off the drawing board – if they even make it that far, because in a world where finishing is your goal, the unfinished work is failure.  But in unfinishing, the moment you have made anything public, you have improved the world a little.  You have shared some of yourself.

And in the same vein, unfinishing is about choice.  If you start without the intention to finish, then there is never a feeling you need to continue if something better comes along.  At any moment you are free to choose, to follow your muse.  To pick off where you left off yesterday, last month or last year, or to start on a crisp new sheet of paper.

A forth reason is that I’m increasingly taking the view that, in life, your job is not to become mediocre at everything, but rather to excel at those things you are gifted in.  Too often we look at those things we struggle with as necessary evils that must be endured so we can survive life as it should be.  But we define life as it should be. And often we have inherited the should from other people, other times and other situations.  I’m trying to embrace who I am, not who I once believed I ought to be.  And there are things I don’t enjoy finishing.  There are books I’ve left half unread, films I left half unwatched, and thoughts I’ve yet to finish thinking all the way through.  I could struggle against this.l  I could become a completist, completing everything even if it pains me.  I could make my work more perfect, more closely checked, smoothing every rough edge until my hands bleed.  Or I could embrace me. I could accept that I won’t finish everything.  And I could try – however vaguely – to turn it into a virtue.

Finally an unfinished state is about the state itself, not about the product.  When you plan on finishing, you are performing the work to get to that point of finality.  You are hitting your head against a wall for the sense of relief and joy when the wall finally cracks, crumbles and falls down.  But when you are unfinishing you are doing the work for the works sake.  You are running because you like the feel of the wind in your hair, not because you want the medal at the end of the track.  Unfinishing is about joy now, not potential joy tomorrow.

Up until this point, the things I have published here have reached some form of completeness – there are two NaNoWriMo winners and something I haven’t worked on for so long that I’m unlikely to revisit it.  But I have projects that have been ongoing in my head, in moleskines, in scribbles on paper littered on my desk, in google docs and in random text files over any number of random computers, and going forward it will not only be the incomplete but abandoned, but also the incomplete and ongoing that I post here.

Next up – unless I unfinish this commitment – Egg an idea for a teenage fantasy novel which has been with me for five or so years at least.

 

mills-and-boonContinuing with my ventures into writing with NaNoWriMo, another of my attempts took me into a more adult direction.  Back in the days before the number of shades of gray had been tabulated and calculated, I attempted my hand at what was then the height of acceptable yet steamy fiction: something Mills and Boony.  The results are a little hit and miss.  There are parts that, on rereading, I love.  Parts which certainly fit exactly the vibe Mills and Boon go for.  But then there is also clunkiness, a back plot which is too complicated and not well explained, and probably too much talking about computers (although talking about computers turns out to be a very important symbol for the heroine’s growth into self-reliance).  Actually, the thing I like most is the structure, which seems to work remarkably well – more or less everything ties together quite tightly.  Especially considering this is a first draft.

I recall the sex scenes being cringeworthy, but they don’t seem quite as bad on rereading.  Though the locations are… interesting choices. There is certainly a lack of descriptive detail which needs to be addressed were I to try to do anything more with this.  Also, it is slightly too short as it stands.

Again, the spelling, typing, and so forth are terrible.  This was NaNoWriMo, so it was written with more concern for getting words onto the page, than for ensuring the words were actually meaningful.  Or even english.

The Internet Billionaire’s Web of Lies

 

Jo threw the mouse down in disgust.  This computer could tell she was in a hurry, and just wanted to make her life difficult.  As a marketing executive for Cognitex – one of the worlds hottest new technology corportations, jo knew that she ought to be using computers to get her work done, but really they were cazy – unstable, unfriendly and uncaring.  And at their least chritable when she had a deadline to meet.

 

And today’s deadline wasn’t just a relase milestone.  Todays milestone was a meeting with Leanna Cavel.  Leanna Cavel, who looked less like a Marketing manager and more like a catwalk model.  Leanna Cavel who controlled every inch of Cognitex’s marketing deparetment, who decided who to fire, who to hire, and who to put on the fast track to promotion… and Leanna Cavel, the woman, who, according to rumours that occasionally surfaced not just in the Cognitex breakrooms, but also in the national and international press was currently stepping out with Witicker Richmond Holmes – cognitext’s founder and ultra rich owner.

 

And yesterday evening, Leanna had emailed Jo telling her she wanted to see her and discuss her work on the marketing campaigh for Cognitex’s next project.  Jo had never had more than a few fleeting words with Leanna, but clearly some f her work had made an impression, and now she was getting a one-to one meeting to discuss her work and her future.  Jo knew all she had to do was make a good impression. It was her chance for her big break, and all she had to do was show Leanna that her work was top class.  Which meant convincing the computer to play ball.  She hit the keyboard in frustration, the screen flickered, and went black.  Jos heart stopped. then the screen returned to life and, the laser printer next to her began playing a satisfying hum, as page after page began to print out.

 

Jo examined the pages.  They were far from perfect – instead of spending her time tidying them up, she had been trying to coax the computer into submission, but the crux of the idea was there, and Jo knew that if she could get Leanna to see it she would be able to show her that she was destined for bigger and better things within Cognitex.  Perhaps even get to got to one of the senior staff meetings and meet Wittiker Holmes… though that was just a fantasty -noone ever met Wittiker Holmes – aside from Leanna of course – as well as being a multi-billionaire and a technical genius, Witticker Holmes was known for being a recluse – avoiding the spotlight… for all the newspapers printed trashy but tittleating tales of his love life, even the top papparatzi at stopped trying to snap a photo of him.

 

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

 

Jo’s computer started flashing up a meeting warning, she was Due to see Leanna in five minutes.  But thee beeps were too loud, and rigning not just to Jo, but over her wooden desk and throughout the open plan office.  While Jo fumbled at the computer trying to figure out how to make it  stop she could feel the eyes of everyone turn on her, and watch her humliation .

 

BEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEP

 

the beeps were getting louder and more insistatant.  Jo hit the eneter key againa and again

 

“Stop beeping you bloody…”

 

“Problems Jo”

 

The voice was quiet, measured calm.  Jo shrivelled up into a ball as Leanna reached over her shoulder to the keyboard, hit a button and the racket stopped.

 

“now”, leanna continued, “I belive we have a meeting.  If you would like to follow me”.

 

Leanna strode through th eoffice, Jo trying to keep up a few paces behind until they reached a quiet meeting room.

 

“If you would like to step inside, I’ll be with you in a second”

 

Jo stepped through the door, and sat down at the table.  Mary-anne for HR was sitiing there.  This had to be better news than Jo had expected.  HR’s presence surely meant she was getting a promotion.  She looked out of the door at Leanna who was typing into her blackberry quickly, skillfully managing not to damage her long, perfectly manicured nails, then back to Mary-anne, who siled back at her maternally.

 

“Before we begin” leanna said,sliding through the meeting room door and gliding over to the table.  “I asked you to bring some of your recent work here for discussion”

 

Jo pulled out her portfolio and laid the papers down for leanna to see

 

“ah.  paper?” leanna asked.  She looked pointedly at the projector hanging from the ceiling “Most people are using powerpoint these days, still…@ she picked up the pages and thumbed throguh them

 

“the reason we have asked to to come here is that Cognitex are looking to make some changes to our marketing department”

 

This was it.

 

“and those changes are going to affect you more than most.  ‘ve been paying close attention to your work, and I think that, more than naything else has led me to decide that we we would do better if you were not in your present role”

 

Absolutely.  They would do better promoting Jo to a lead position

 

“so” leanna continued, we are terminating your position with effect today.  Security are cleaning your desk, and you’ll be escorted to the lobby where you can pick up your posesions”

 

“But.. butt” Jo didn’t know what to say

 

“The decisio has already been made.  I could explain exactly what factors influeced it, but I’m not cruel”.  Jo could swear she saw leanna’s perfectly beautiful face contort to hide a smile at that last remark.

 

Jo looked about the room in astonishment.  Otside she could see one of the security guys fromt he front desk alking towards the office.  Jo looked at Marry-ann, who tried to hold onto her smile, but in Mary-anne’s eyes she saw only guilt and a little  spark of sorrow.  Jo reached over her desk to take her papers, but Leanna held them tightly, then sgtrode towards the door and held it open.

 

“Security will see you out” she repeated.

 

Jo breathed deeply, and tried to hold it all together as she staggered through the door.  She avoided eye contact as she left the office and wandered through the increasingly alien feeling  impersonal grey hallyway.  She Looked at the abstract paintings on the wall and the press cuttings announcing each success in Cognitec’s history.  Each new product.  where once Jo would have taken pride in playing a part in the next chapter of the Cognitec story, now she felt only betrayal, loss and emptyness.  She was handed a box containing her belogings – one cardboard box, half empty.  Whas that all her time here had meant, was that all she had achieved/  Jo staggered out into the bright daylight outside the offices.  Even London seemed strange.  So bright in the middle of the day it made her blink, yet everybody knew why they were there and Jo, well Jo wasjust standing there, not knowing what her purpose was, not knowing what she was part of, or what she was going to do next.  Jo walked across the courtyard which seperated the cognitex buildig from another three tall, metal and glass office blocks and satdown on the fountain at the centre.  she placed her box down beside her and began to look through to see what remained of her life.  But before she had picked out the first of the scrappy remnants of the past twleve months, all she could see were the blurs of her tears.  Jo wept.

 

***

 

 Jo didn’t know how long she had sat by the fountain.  Time was something that happed at work – there was a time you arrive, a time you eat lunch, a time you leave.  Without the schedule, there was nothing, just emptyness, no structure nothing.  Jo also din’t know how long he had been sitting next to her.  It was only when he spoke that she was aware of anybodies presence in the courtyard

 

“I wonder if I…”

 

Jo threw herself back with a start, and almost oppled backward into the the cirular refelcting pool beneath the fountain.  It was only by grabbing onto his outreached hand that she caught her balance

 

“I’m very sorry if I startled you”

 

Jo and looked up at him.  He had dark hair, neatly combednand styled, and soft skin.  But in his eyes there was a toughness and strength.  It was as if he was looking not just at her, but into her.  Questinoing her.  Her right to be there, ther right to exist.  Deep questions, difficult questions, yet questins that showed he recognised she did exist… his eyes excited her.  Jo went to wipe the tears from her eyes, and found that he was still holding her hand.  Firmly, but carefully.  he released his grip and handed her a crisp white handekerchief.

 

Jo dabbed at her eyes, feeling that they were sore, and knowing that they must be red and ugly.

 

“I realise we havn’t met, but It seems there might be somethign troubling you, and I wondered if I could help?”

 

Jo stayed silent

 

“well.  Don’t say I didn’t try.  You can keep the handkerchief”  he turned to stand up

 

“its… its..”  jo struggled to speek.  The brown eyed man sat back down and turned his face back to lookingdeeply into Jo’s eyes

 

“I don’t know who I am any more”

 

“I can see how that might be a problem.  Here, let me help  People call be Rick, and you?”

 

“I’m Jo.  Jo Lewis.  I work over there”

 

Jo pointed at the Cognitex building, before correcting herself

 

“at least I did.”

 

“Yes” Rick gazed over to the box on her left “I wondered if that might be the case”

 

“and now.  Now I havn’t got anything”

 

“I can hardly believe thats true.  You must have been capable enough to have been hired there”

 

“well, maybe but…”

 

“and I’m sure you’ll be able to pull yourself together and go out and fins yourself something else to do”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”, the skin between Ricks eyes crinkled as he looked at her questioningly

 

“It took me forever to find this job, and now I’m back where I started, plus I have to tell my next employer that cognitext sacked me.”

 

“You do?”

 

“And if I’m not good enough for Cognitex, who am I good enough for?”

 

“You tell me”

 

“noone.  I’m useless.  Whats the point in anything?”

 

“No.  You tell me what you do”

 

“Marketing.  I was a junior member of the marketing team.”

 

“You were?”  Rick sounded genuinely surprised

 

“Yes I was.  and now I’m not”

 

“but you know about marketing”

 

“I thought I was fairly good.  but now… who’s going to want a marketer who can’t evn market herself”

 

“You don’t think you can market yourself?”

 

“I don’t think anybody could – or would want to sell me right now”

 

“But if you were good”

 

“Frankly its all down to Cognitex”

 

“Cognitex?”

 

“They can make or break people.  Look at them, some people become stars, and other, like me, get spat out onto the pavement”

 

“Apparently they do”

 

“And I’m here sitting on the floor while Leanna Clevis is reaching for the stars”

 

“So this is Leanna Celvis’s decision, you say?”

 

“Well yes… but she in tight with Witticker Holmes.  And if shes doing anything, its going to be with his sayso”

 

“So you blame Witticker Holme for this”

 

“Absolutely.  He’s just prepared to spit out anybody who doesn’t match his way of working.  He doesn’t look for talent and doesn’t care about what happenes and what people think about the people he lets go”

 

“He sounds like quite the bastard”

 

“Frankly, if he can put up with the she-bith Leanna Clovis for 10 seconds, he must be the biggest basterd the world has ever known”

 

“You know, you’re rather convincing.  Perhaps I can offer some advice”

 

“I didn’t ask for your help”

 

“no but you’ve been talking to me.  And I meant that as a compliment.”

 

“I don’t need your compliments either”

 

“fine then.  but I think you do.  Just look at yourself, you’re worrying that noone will employ you, but ddep down, you’re assumign that to be valuable someone has to”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Your self image doesn’t allow you to consider yourself worth anything if other people don’t value you first”

 

“You have no right to say these things, you’ve only just met me”

 

“Hah!  I have every right.  Yo’re obviously a talented girl, yet you’re not prepared to believe in yourself.  If you want my advice, stop caring what anyone things, and work for yourself, get paid for what you do;  Go it alone”

 

“but I don’t know anything about workign alone.  And I’d be crap”

 

“noone knows anythign at first, but bluffing is how they make it, ho they learn.  And you’ll only be crap if you keep thinking that way”

 

“I don’t think I could face it”

 

“Maybe thats true.  And thats a shame.  I think there is a spark in you, and I’ve got a friend who is starting a company… we’re not talkign about Cognitex, but seriosuly, if you don’t want to stand on your own two feet yet, then you might as well watch someone who is giving it a go.  I’ve got his card here, give him a call and see if he’s looking for someone like you”

 

Rick reached into his pocket and fumbled through a set of business cards

 

he handed one to Jo “Just don’t tell him I recommended you”

 

Jo knew why.  Rick was trying to be nice, but he didn’t care really – and he didn’t want his name attached to someone as hopeless as her.  She slipped the card into her box of momentos , mumbled a half-hearted thankyou and began to walk towards the tube station.

 

***

 

Two weeks and nothing.  Jo picked up the newspaper and began another trawl through the situations vacant.  Already there were items circles, double circled and crossed out.  It was taking longer to face the messages on her answerphone, each one a potential success, but, on listening to it a greater and greater dissapointment.  Around her her flat was a mess – newspapers thrown towards, but missing the bin.  Cloths unwashed or unironed stewn over chairs, desks and the floor.  Chinese food trays and the occasional empty wine bottle.  And in the middle of it all, her box of posesions from Cognitex.  Still unopened, still unsorted.

 

It was time for a change.  This couldn’t last any longer.  Jo walked over to the box, and eyed it.  Brown cardbaord with a loose fitting lid – the sort of box she had used to file her artwork and papers while in the office, now holding nicknacks and personal posessions.  Got to start somewhere; Jo threw off the lid and set about the contents

 

Stapler.  Sellotape. The Good Luck bear aunt sally had bought her on her first day.  A couple of jotter pads.  A coffee mug (unwashed).  And a business card.  A card that had never been on her desk.  A card she had never seen before.  The card that jerk Rick handed her at the fountain.  Jo threw it into the pile on her desk.  The she paused, and walked over, picked it up and examined it. Ecocentric.  CEO Gavin Douglas.  And a phone number.  Ecocentric.  Jo hgadn’t heard of them.  They wern’t in the paper – could they possibly need someone for their marketing department.  Jo looked at the mess, looked at the card. It was either this, or tidying.  Jo picked up the phone and dialled.

 

“Erm, Hi.  Yeah,  its gav here”

 

“Hello.  Is that Ecocentric”

 

“Well, um, yes I… Gavin Douglass, how can I help?”

 

“Gavin Douglas, CEO?”

 

“Do I know you?”

 

“I don’t think so”

 

“Do you know me?”

 

“Not as far as I know”

 

“Oh.  Right.”

 

silence.  uncomfortable.  but Jo was speaking to the CEO.  Which could be good, possibly, but more likely meant it was a two bit operation with little chance for promotion.  If she was hired.  If there was even a role to hire her for.  Jo was getting ahead of herself.

 

“I was told you had a marketing position open”

 

“Ah” Gavin paused again “well… we havn’t really advertised anything.  We’re quite new -  a startup of sorts.  But we’re looking for help.  Could do with a hand oin the marketing tiller, so to speak.”

 

“So, how could I appy for the role”

 

“Apply?  yes well, when are you free.  Could you pop into the office this afternoon?”

 

Yes.  Of course she could.  God yes.  anything to get her out of the house.  “I… I might be able to shuffle a few things around in my diary.  Is two thirty good”

 

“um.  Why not.  We’re on Fortesque square”

 

Fuck.  Fortesqueue square

 

“Near Cognitex?”

 

“um,  just across the way.  Not that we’re anythign like the size of Cognitex.  Or well, anything to do with cognitex at all really.  You know cognitex”

 

“I used to work there.  I can tell you lots about my marketing experience with Cognitex and other companies… perhaps I can show you my portfolio…”

 

“Um.  Yes.  This afternoot.  Two right?”

 

“Two thirty”

 

“Even better”

 

“So.  Do you know WItticker Richmond Holmes”

 

“Cognitex’s founder?” A stupid question.  How many Witticker Richmond Holmes did she thing there would be in the phone book?

 

“Yup.  Smart bloke I hear”

 

“So do I.  But I’ve never met him.  He keeps himself to himself”  then Jo thought of Leanna “and an intimate circle of friends”

 

“righto.  This afternoon”

 

Good grief, Jo thought, what was she letting herself in for?.

 

***

 

Frotesque Square.  Just the thought of it brought back memories of walking in that morning though the busy bustle of 8am commuters arriving at work with high hopes of career success just around the corner; strong confident strides, looking particularly good in a new pari of shoes that not only looked fantastic, but had actually been comfortable all the way in, and stumbling out later acorss the baran alien terrain, sitting down at the fountain and crying… or sevela hours later lugging her box across towards the ube station, and snapping the heal of  one she in the metal drainage grid by the station entrance.  And now here it was again.  Another signpost on lifes highway.  She looked aorund at the buildings “Cognitex”  “Lifelight Insurance” “Medicra” “Samsonian”.  No sign of Ecocentric.  She wandered up to each bulding in turn, looking on the nameplates by the lobby, eventually, she found it.  Ecocentric.  A printed sign underneat 8 brass plaques. “Econcentric.  Floor 8, room 24b”

 

Jo turned to the doorman

 

“Is this Ecocentic” she held out Gavin’s business card

 

“I think so, madam.  Floor 8.  To tell you the truth, I think you’re the first person who has ever come here visiting them”

 

“So they’re not very big”

 

“I um” jo turned with a start.  The doorman hadn’t answered her, but a man behind

 

“I think we will, err, be getting a little bigger soon.  Soonish, anyway”

 

Jo turened

 

“Um Hi.  I’m Gav.  Gavin Douglass.  I assume you’re jo?”

 

Jo thew her hand forward for Gavinto shake.  Gavin looked at it briefly and seemed to ponder a moment before smiling and grasping it

 

“Right.  We’ll we’re up on the 8trh floor.  Its a bit of a way.  Good view though.”

 

He released Jo’s hand and led her to the lifts.

 

***

 

The office was barren.  Bigger than Jo expected, but empty.  On one wall a water cooler gurgled, and and the other side some particion walls had been erected to make up a few offices.  In between was empty space, just two desks, and two chairs.  The lights flickered on and off.

 

“Grab a pew” gavin offered.  He looked up at the lights “teething troubles” he said, “having a spot of bother with the power.  Sure it’ll all be sorted soon”.  He smiled a wide, welcoming, slightly hopeful grim. His floppy air bounced over his face.  Jo was relieved that he was about as intimidating in person as he was on the phone – that is to say, as intimidating as a puppy.  His wide blue eyes looked more like they were waiting for Jo to thow him a ball than answer interview questions.

 

“So you used to work at Cognitex?”

 

“I did yes”

 

“You’re handy with the computers then?”

 

Jo paused.  She remembered Leanna’s distain at he printed notes and inability to use powerpoiunt.  She remembered the computer beeping away across the office.

 

“Of course you are.  Thats going to be handy.  You see we’re sort of a technology company.  Green computers, paperless office, saving the trees, that sort of thing.  Do you think you could sell that?”

 

“well.  If I could tell you about some of my previous experience”

 

“You could.  But that was selling someone else right?  Tell me about us”

 

“well.  To tell you the truth I’ve never heard of Ecocentric.  You’re small.  You office is uninspring.  Even your name palte is printed on paper”

 

Gavin’s face fell.  If Gavin was a puppy, now Jo was kicking him.

 

“but that could all work to your advantage.  If you don’t need paper, you don’t need an office, right?  You’re about the work, about saving trees.  And it wwould be as easy to work from the amazon as it would from Fortesque square”

 

Gavin nodded.  And smiled.  He shook his head and hair flopped out of his eyes

 

“I think you’ve got something.  I like you, um, Jo.  How soon can you start”

 

Jo looked at her watch “now?”

 

“um.  Sure.  Let me get you a coffee.  How did I do?”

 

“What”

 

“well, I havn’t really done much of this interviewing lark.”

 

“You were great”

 

“Superb then.  Look our techy guy doesn’t really do daytime much – he’s a bit of a night owl, but he’ll set your computer up.  If you need anythign from him, just email.  Once you’ve got your computer that is.”

 

***

 

Witticker Richmond Holmes sat in his plushly appointed office and fumed.  The telephone was on the floor where he had thrown it and his keyboard was thrown aside.  Lawyers.  Why did they always have to be lawyers.  He hated people.  They were so complex.  Women doubly so. Back in the day, back when he started Cognitex people wern’t involed.  It was computers and him.  Pure streams of logic and thought.  One thing following another.  Perfect harmony of man and machine.  He was able to create amazing things – but soon he started selling those things to people – then he had to employ other people and before long his job was all about the people and nothing about the technology.

 

So he had moved over business.  Just as numbers could be strung together to create software, they could be summed together on spreadsheets, graphed and calculated to lead him to mawke decisions.  Witticker took the company from a one man band to a multibillion listed on the worlds financial exchanges.  He turned in his t-shirts and jeans for armani and rolex.  He even allowed his PR people to convince him to cut his hair.  And once or twice he dipped his foot into socialising.

 

But that wasn’t witticker.

 

Sure, there was probably a logoic.  Game thoery or economics perhaps, that underlied how people mingled at a party.  What made one person an alpha and others mindless groupies.  People had called witticker an alpha male, but he didn’t accept that role happily.  He didn’t want to be classified and pulled into their games.  He had been bitten.  And he had let himself be conned.  Witticker could stand to lose a fotune – he had several – but he couldn’t stantd to be beaten.  As a strategist, Witticker knoew he was best of on home territory.  He wanted to fight in his own world – the one he controlled with perfect precision.  Witticker withdrew from the parties and balls back to the safety of his office and penthouse.

 

Other people could manage people.  he just had to manage stategy, and let them get on with what they were doing.

 

And for a time it was good.  Witticker got on with things, and Cognitex jumped from success to success.  But one success was much like another to Witticker.  There come times when success doesn’t matter anymore.  When another million in your back account is small change.  They say you can’t buy happiness, Witticker mused, and they are right – or at least, even with his vast wealth he had failed to find trhe right dealer.  But you can easily buy comfort.  But once you have all the comforts you need, what use is anything more?

 

Witticker had mulled this over for a while.  And he had had the idea.

 

And now the lawyers were trying to ruin it.  Had his mistakes in the past come back to haunt him.  To try once more to break him?

 

Witticker reflected about how little he knew about the world outside of the office.  The world beyond financials, newspapers and reuters.  The girl at the fountain – she had said he was a monster.  Heartless and cold.  Was that really how people perceived him these days.  Witticker knew, logically, that people who didn’t play social games were villified.  He knew that the papers ocassionally compared him to Howard Hughes.  But people.  Real people.  Beautiful people, like the girl by the fountain.  Is that really what they thought of him?

 

Witticker picked up the phone

 

“Gav?”

 

“Rick?”

 

“Hows it going?  I’m having a hell of a day”

 

“In a word, its, um, well its bloody fantastic”

 

“you have good news?  i could do with that.  Get over here Gav, and grab something to drink.  I could do with being cheered up”

 

***

 

Witticker heard the curfuffle outside the door to his office.  His PA was saying something firmly, Tracy was it, Stacey, he could never remember.  They never lasted long enough, and they were all interchangeable.  Pretty faces with nothing more than a filofax for a mind.  About as creative as a ham sandwich.  Witticker walked over to the door, edged it open and looked out

 

“oh, Mr Holmes.  I’m sorry” Stacey/Tracey was standing between Witticker and Gav, who she was gently trying to turn away from the office

 

“No need to appologise” and he mumbled a name.  Halfway between stacey and tracey, stracey.  He hoped she wouldn’t mind

 

“That’s ellie, Mr Holmes.  I’m afraid I’ve asked this gentleman to leave”

 

“Let Gav in.  always let Gav in.  I owe this man my life – and my sanity.”

 

“And, um, more importantly” Gav said “I owe him a drink”

 

“Get in here, Gav.  Stra–Ellie?  Hold my calls”

 

“Yes Mr Holmes”

 

Gav eyed the sign on the door “Witticker Richmond Holmes II, CEO Cognitex.  Whatever happened to Rick?”

 

“Witticker was my Dad.  But its what the world calls me.  I’m only Rick to my friends, and I have fewer and fewer of you each day”

 

“Well, here you go, Witticker” Gave thrust a chapoagne flute into Wittickers open hand and popped open a bottle of Crystal.  “We’re celebrating”

 

“So then.  Whats this news”

 

“Ecocentric is on the up.  We’ve made our first hire”

 

“That is good news.  But I didn’t think you were putting the adverts out until next week”

 

“I wasn’t going to.  But I got a phone call.  This woman was incicive, must have had her own feelers out, knew we were hireing.  Smart and um, not bad looking.”

 

“You switching sides Gav?”

 

“well, not bad looking if you’re, um, into women.  Anyhow, she seems to be a bit of a marketing wiz.”

 

Marketing?  The girl by the fountain!  Rick remembered the pain in her eyes.  And the anger as she talked about Witticker Holmes in such scathing times.  And the tenderness of her hand as he held it, held her back from falling into the water.  And the softness of her cheek as the tears ran down.

 

“And she used to work, um, here by all accounts.  Hvae you been secretly spreading the word.  I didn’t think…”

 

“I havn’t said a word about Ecocentric to anyone that works here.”

 

“Oh”

 

“And the way its going, I’m not planning on mentioning it any time soon”

 

“Problems?”

 

“Leanna.  Shes insistant that I keep myself focused on Cognitex”

 

“And the laweyers?”

 

“Bastards the lot of ‘em.”

 

“So what are you going to do?”

 

“Keep my head down, I suppose.  Keep out of their way”

 

“I think I know what you need, Rick”

 

“So do I” Rick topped up his champage glass

 

“Not that.  Look, why don’t you come over to My office once you can escape from here”

 

“You’re right, Gav.  Business is driving me round the bend.  I need to get my head straight – actualy doing some programming will be a blessed relief”

 

“Exactly.  And even though we’ve got a few fantastic guyes, noone has an eye for code like you, Rick. And frankly, you’re our only IT support at the moment, and we need someone to set up a computer for our new marketing department”

 

***

 

Jo was growing to like Ecocentric.  It was less of a soulless corportation and more of a family.  Albeit a slightly disfunctional family where most of the kids treated it like a hotel, turning up when they wanted, mainly, as far as she could tell to microwave food from the well stocked freezer.  Her first decision had been to tidy the office up, arrange it, get in some artwork and organise the desks.  make it look less like student accomodation and more like a place of work.  Within a week, Jo felt they finally had a place where clients would be able to come in and Take Ecocentric seriously.  Then Jo becan on the real job.  It was unusal, not seeing anyone some days, and being packed two or three to a desk on others, but Gav was usually there to lend a helpful hand and point her in the right direction.  It was al going smoothly, and Jo was beinning to feel maternal towards a couple of the scruffy engineers who turned up from time to time.

 

The days flew by, each providing her with new challenges.  Even her computer managed to work most of the time.  Gav kept saying that their tech guy knew his stuff, but Jo never saw him.  He apparently worked late into the evenings and she was a mornign person.  Their sole communication was by post-it note stuck to her monitor or the door of his office

 

“Computer broken, won’t talk to printer – Jo”

“user broken.  printer was turned off.  try plug socket – R”

“Computer keeps crashing – Jo”

“User seems to have installed dodgy screen saver. Chain emails kill. – R”

“IT guy keeps blaming me for everything – Jo”

“For paperless office company, Jo sure uses a lot of post-its -R”

 

and as Jo started getting the word out about Ecocentric, the opportunities started rolling in. At first it was just chaos, but Gav managed to cope, barely.  Jo would see him running around the office in panic, Jo would offer a few words and he would return satisfied – and the coders would come out from the stock cupboard where they were hiding.

 

And then there was today.

 

Jo looked at her watch: 5.20.  Ten more minutes and she would be walking towards the tube, once more crossing Fortesque square witha spring in her step.  Jo put down the pen and began to shuffle her papers, taking one last look through her day’s thoughts so that she had everything crystal clear in her mind for tomorrow.

 

“erm Jo”

 

Jo jumped.  Gav was behind her, and he was looking frantic.

 

“Gav, whats up”

 

“We have a problem”

 

“a problem?”

 

“A big problem.  I’ve just sort of promised to give a presentation to some guys out in New York”

 

“Thats fantastic”

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

“Oh.  Thats fast”

 

“I get the plane out early in the morning, into JFK by 12 their time, and um, hopefully their offices by 1″

 

“And the problem”

 

“Well, I was looking on the server, and I couldn’t find the presentation slide deck I asked you for”

 

Oh god.  Jo had planned to do that. She really had.  All she had to do was put her notes into order, break it down into simple points and put it into powerpoint.  Powerpoint.  Why had she never learned how to use powerpoint?  In the back of Jo’s mind Leanna was laughing at her… no not laughing, smiling that supportive, yet superior smile – the smile she made when she sacked Jo.  Jo stopped herself from whimpering.  Pull yourself together girl, everything is going well, you’re a hit here, everyone loves you, your making things happen, pushing things forward.  Gav won’t mind this one slip.. but what if he does.  Oh god.  You thought you were doing well at Cognitex.  How much do they really like you here.  You fungiable.  There are hundreds of girls in smart suits climing to be marketing experts.  And most of them are probably as good as you if not better.  You’re gonna have to wing it.  you’re gonna have to make things work.  Its all down to you.  You can do it girl (unless you can’t… no don’t think like that).  Right, deep breath. 1… 2… 3….

 

“It isn’t ready”

 

Gav looked like he was going to have a stroke.  Already he was crumpling, his hair drooped rather than flopped, the sparkel had drained from his eyes.  No longer the excited puppy, but now the dog desperately trying to avoid visiting the vet.

 

“No, Gav, its not a problem”

 

“Not a problem?  Of course its…”

 

“Have a I ever let you down”

 

“I’ve only known you a month”

 

“Look Gav.  Its almost ready” (lying to your boss is OK, isn’t it?  Must be.) “you look tired.  Go gome, get some sleep and get up early for your flight tomorrow.  I’ll meet you at Heathrow with the slides.  You can review them on the wya out, and be ready to give the presentation when you get to the states”

 

“my god.  Jo.  that, um thats fantastic.  It just might work.  Yes.  Tomorrow, heathrow. That’l be, what 6am, give or take”

 

“I’ll be there”

 

“you’re a superstar Jo.  Are you sure it won’t be any trouble?”

 

“none whatsoever.  See you tomorrow”

 

Jo handed Gav his coat, and bustled him out of the office.

 

No problem whatsoever?  Right.  OK.  Powerpoint.  Jo clicked the icon on her computer and waited for it to start.  She sighed a heavey sigh, then fired up her web browser.  “Google…  right.  Powerpoint tutorials”

 

It was a long evening.  The coffeee machine kept her awake and purte panic kept her focused.  The computer was behaving itself most of the time, clearly it didn’t have the grudge agaist jo that most machines seemed to find.  But still she was geting nowhere fast.  She had the content, but it either wouldn’t fit onto the slides, or she would return to them and it would be reformatted, or worse, the slides would be out of order.  It was going to take hours to get it all working.  Hours that Jo didn’t have.  She need3ed to get this right.  And if that meant statying up all night…

 

***

 

Witticker Holmes took the elevator down from his office.  By this time in the evening, the only people arounbd were the cleaners, and one or two of his stanger, yet more tallented prgrammers.  Noone recognised him.  Witticker was glad that his face had been kept out of all the promotional materials, that while his name was world famous, noone knew who he was.  It made things easier.  Still going over to Cognitex was always a risk.  If the lawyers knew what he was doing…

 

he folded the collar of his long caskmeer coat up.  In the glass doors of the lobby he saw his reflection, looking fainly like a soviet era spy – the sort that liked to feed the ducks at richmond park, albeit with better cuioffered hair.

 

Every day the same.  But he needed this.  It was his only form of escape, the only time when he could stop being Witticker the business man, and return to being Rick.  He hurried across Fotesqueue square.  It was empty.  Most of the lightsinthe offices were off.  The city was always surprisingly quiet at night – an empty shell waiting to be brought back to life each morning as the first bleery eyed commuters arrive from the tube stations.

 

He took another furtive look around, and then used a pass card to enter a building.  hge looked at the plaques listing the companies “Hmm, Gave has shelled out to get one engraved at last” he thought as he walked past and took the lift up to Ecocentric.

 

Every time Witticker took thew lift.  Every silent evening like this, he felt a transformation occur.  The man enetering was the stiff, stressed witticker, but as each of the floors passed he relaxed and let go of this problems, of his work, of his every day life.  As the lift beeped and a mechanical womands voice toldhim he was on the eighth floor, he wa sno longer Witticker, the man, but the boy he has used to be.  The college dropout who still had fun, and zest and life.  He was Richmond. He was Rick.  He was himself again.  His strides to the office were confident.  A few hours in the dark, the glow of a computer screen.  Some coffee, maybe some music.  Most people would think him mad to relax like this, but for Rick it was heaven.  He rounded the corner.

 

And stopped.

 

The lights were on.  Damn.  He edged open the doors and had a look around.  A cleaner perhaps?  Noone obvious inside.  Rick stepped in, but in his heart he heard Witticker’s voice telling him to be careful… to be worried.  Rick threw his coat onto the coatstand.  In his youth he had been able to hit from a distance of yars – but he had grown soft, years of letting his PA handle that sort of thing had put him out of practice.  the coat flopped onto the floor in front of the entrance to the kitchen nook.

 

He walked over to retrieve it when a hand reached out of the kitched to pick it up. he stepped back. a voice called “Want a coffee.  I’ve just brewed a pot”.

 

From inside the kitchen stepped Jo.  The fountain girl.  An unexpected surprise.  A nice surprise, certainly.  But unexpected.

 

“you?”

 

He watched as Jo turned to see who the intruder was.  As first confusion, but then a glimmer of recognition in her eyes.  her beautiful brown eyes.  Now deeper and so much more attractive than when they were tearfull.  yet still vulnerable.  Oh god.  She shouldn’t see him here.  Did she know who he was?

 

“Oh my god, its you”

 

She did

 

“Rick. Oh my god you’re”

 

“That isn’t really anything we need to worry about, I htink I have the wrong office.  Perhaps…”

 

“No.  You’re him arn’t you.  Rick.  its you”

 

“Well.”  He looked sheepish.  Perhaps she wouldn’t tell anybody.

 

“You’re R.  you’re the IT guy here.  You always work nights.  Thats how you knew about the job”

 

Thank God. “Yes.  I’m Rick.  We don’t normally get people here this late.  I come here for the peace and quiet”

 

“you know,” she looked at the coat, and looked up and down at rick’s suit “you’re awfully well dressed for someon int IT”

 

“Yes well its” Rick strucggeled for an excuse.  Wedding perhaps?  At midnight on a wednesday – unlikely.

 

“No problem, none of my business.  You’re an IT guy right.  You know powerpoint?”

 

“I do…”

 

“Fantastic.  Rick, you’re about to save my life”

 

***

 

Jo led Rick over to her desk, and fetched him a chair.  Rck stood while Jo took a seat at the computer, then sat next to her.

 

“So what seems to be the problem?”

 

“Computers”

 

“Computers?”

 

“I don’t get computers.  Computers hate me”

 

“Computers are inanimate object.  Without emotion or any sort of cognative capability”

 

“yes.  Inanimate objects without emotion or any sort of cognitive capability that hate me”

 

Rick chuckled

 

“Don’t laugh.  If anyone found out that I can’t use computers, I’d get the sack.  again”

 

“I wasn’t laughing…”

 

“you were.  Look if you’re not goign to help”

 

“I’m trying to help”

 

“I’ve got to get these slides done by… well by as soon as possible”

 

“fine.  Show me where we are”

 

“Don’t rush me.  Right…”

 

Jo fumbled the mouse into position and began to display the cards.  She flicked through them on the screen, one after another.  Useless, she thought

 

“Fantastic”

 

“You’ve got to be Kidding”

 

“Jo, If i knew half as much as you about putting things like this together, I would be – well, in a totally different place from where i am now”

 

“You are kidding.  I only just managed to get these assmebled, and look” – she pointed to text bleeding out of a frame, and to a card out of order “that won’t stay in place”

 

“Here”  Rick took Joes hand, held it on top of the mouse and maneuvered the two, expertly, firmly.

 

“I just drag it like this”.  Rick pressed down on Jo’s index finger and then gently flicked the pointer to another position on the screen

“and release”  His muscles relaxed, and Jo felt the cold of the evening air hit her hand has he lifted his away.

 

“It hasn’t ever done it for me before”

 

“You just have to know how to take control”

“can you help me with this now” Jo pointed to the text

 

“its all the same.  Jo.  This is what I was talking to you about.  When we were down by the fountain.  Take control of the situation.  Realise you have it within you.  Try to go it alone”

 

“Well thanks for nothing”

 

“”Look, I don’t come here to help people out of their little problems.  I come here for a bit of peace.  If you can’t accept a biut of friendly advice””

 

“Friendly?”

 

“Yes, Jo.  This is friendly.  You seriously don’t want to get on my bad side”

 

“right now I don’t want to be on any side of you”

 

“Fair enough”

 

Rick stood up, and slammed his chair under the desk.  He spun around and marched away towards the offices.

 

Fuck. Oh hell.  How the fucking hell anm I going to get this ready in time now.  Good going, Jo.  Blow the one little bit of luck you had.  Now you’re not going to finish, and not only are you not going to have the slide deck ready, you’re goingt o break the promise you made to Gav.  Being fired suits you.  This is so not you’re evening, no thanks to that self important little…

 

Darkness.  Silence.

 

“what the fuc…”

 

JHo loooked around.  Out of the window there were lights.  But in the office nothing.  No lights, no sound.  Just the faint green glow of a fire exit sign.  No sound.  No sound of fan no sound fromt he computer.

 

Had she saved the slides?

 

Oh Fuck.

 

“Oh Fuck”

 

Right.  Enough.  This is no good.  I’ve got to be somewhere elsew.  If I’m going to have a breakdown, I don’t want to do it here.  Especially not with that…. that.. man around.  She thought of Ricks eyes, They were beautiful when he smiled, but when he was condescending to her they turned into the most haeful pools of excrement.  Outside.  Sh swiped her jacket from the coat rack and marhed over to swing open the door.

 

Jo hit the arms, body and face on the class..  She shook the handle.  “Oh Christ” in the powercut the doors locked for security.

 

Jo fell to the ground.

 

***

 

“Are you OK?”

 

There was someone standing over her.  From the faint fire exit glow Jo was just able to make out Rick’s shape.

 

“I’m screwed.  The powers out.  I have to get a presentation to Gav by god knows when this morning. And I’m locked in the office”

 

“We have been having a few glitches with the power.  Hold on…”

 

Rick funbled in his pocket a pulled out a key chain. “I’m going to need you to hold this” he handed them to her

 

“What.  He grasped her hand and pushed a finger down onto a button.  A small light came on”

 

“Pocket flashlight.  Now did you save your work?”

 

“I don’t know”

 

“Not to worry.  We’re all built on top of Cognitex here.  I know a little something about its internals, we should be able to salvage most of it”

 

Rick pulled her computer form the pugh socket and began dismantalling the case

 

“What  are you doing”

 

“Getting the hard drive.  Right. done…. now if you follow me”

 

Rick pulled a box from inside the computer case and ran towards his office

 

“You’re breaking my computer?”

 

“No, I’m saving your bacon.  No can you hand me the external drive case?”

 

“the what”

 

“Not to worry.” hRick grabbed a box from on top of a filing cabinet “Just keep holding onto the light”

 

“I don’t know how you can do it in almost pitch black”

 

“I can fix this sort of thing wirth my eyes shut.  The light is so you have a chance of remembering what I’m doing”

 

“Fat chance”

 

“Perhaps”  Rick had put the hard drive into the external case, and was pluggin it in

 

“We don’t have any power”

 

“I have an uniterruptable power supply.  It has rechargable batteries, usually just about enough to keep computers runnign until they shut down… but for this disk – well, probably enough time”

 

“Enough time for what”

 

Rick opend a laptop and onnected it to the disk.

 

“Success”

 

“you mean”

 

“give me a second”.  Rick typed a few keys, and the desktop was replaced by a new image ‘Cognitex Recovery’ “fantastic.  Yes, it seems to have saved all your work.  We’ll have you running in what, he looked at the progress metre ont he screen, what, 20 minutes”

 

“Oh my god.  You’re a lifesaver, Rick”.  Jo ran over and hugged him.  Hard and tight against her body.  She pecked him on the cheek, and smelled the sweet musk of his aftershave, and the rough evening stubble of his face.  She pulled back.  Rick put his hand onto her left shoulder balde and pulled here once more forward.  Stronger, tighter.  And this time he was doing the kissing.  She joined him, there lips in tight embrace, her tounge exploring his teeth, her hands moved down his back.

 

Jo felt her dress loosen as hRicks hands popped the buttons undone.  The hand reached inside, and own past the small of her back.  the air was cold, and his hand was warm.  She began to manever the puttons one by one away from the fron of his shirt.  He pulled her closer, tightly worwards him, and her legs buckled.  Laughing they fell to the floor.  Jo could see the Sillohette of Rick’s head aginst the window, illuminated only by the computer screen.  Behind him, through the large glass window was the night sky, stars and a bright yellow moon.  Jo reached down, and slowly unzipped his trousers.  She was exploring more, feeling more confidendt, more sure of herself.  A huge power entered her, stonger, more than she had ever felt before.  Taking her somewhere new, overpowering her, yet empowering her.  Rick was close to her, their hearts racing together but beating as if they were one.  Faster and faster sahe felt him pull her closer and cloer.  Together in perfect union. She was week from exhaustion, yet wanted more and more closer. Warmer. And feeling calm.  Calm and safe in his arms.  She felt Rick relax, he held her tight, and jo let him hold her.

 

The lights came on.  Jo blinkked, and looke dover to the computer, it was flashing Done.  She looked at her watch.  3.30… Oh god.  She had to get the slides done, had to be at Heathrow for Gav.  Rick was stirring now.

 

“Jo?” he said, blinking in the light “power back?”

 

Jo smiled.  Look, I have to get these slides to Gav.  There isn’t time to take a train any more and  I don’t know if I’m going to be able to take a taxi, and I havn’t finsihed getting them readdy and”

 

Rick reached over to her, gently put a finger on her lips

 

“Let me take care of it.  Here -” he pulled as USB key from the computer “you hold onto this and this” he handed her the laptop.  I have a few phone calls I need to make.”

 

***

 

Jo stepped outside the office, pulling her dress up, and trying to fastern the buttons.  Had that all really just Happened.  Was it just a moment of gratitude, or was it.  No it was More.  It had beed there from the start, fromt he fountain.  In every conversation, it had been there, like an elephant int he room.  They had danced and fought and avoided it, but it was bursting at the seems, and int he quiet and the darkness it had come out, errupted like a volcano, like an earthquake, like – well, like Rick errupted before her.  And now it was the aftermath.  Small sudders – aftershocks – running through the mantle of her being, but peaceful.  A time for reflection, for wondering what it meant. And where it was heading.

 

Was it going to continue.  Did Jo want it to continue?  Would Rick.  He was a handsome well dressed man, surely he could have his pick of any woman – certainly not the first girl who came to him asking how to save a word document.  It wouldn’t make sense.  He had conquored her now, why would he want to continue anything?

 

Well.  That wouldn’t be the end. Except… a partner.  Someone to love.  To tell Jo she was beautiful.  To kiss like Ric had kissed.  Just once more.  Not.  She would have to let him go.  Don’t show weekness.  Be strong.  Be firm.

 

***

 

“Gav”

 

“Uggh”

 

“Gav?’

 

“Its like 4 in the morning”

 

“Arn’t you meant to be on your way to the airport”

 

“Soon.  Soon.  But that doesn’t mean I have to be awake”

 

“Look Gav, I need a favour”

 

“A favour?”

 

“I need you not to go to New York”

 

“Ric, Ric.  I like you.  You’re a fantastic, um, guy.  But have you lost your mind?”

 

“I think perhaps I have.”

 

Ric stared at the wall.  Good grief.  Did he really let that happen?  Another woman, more risk… but such a nice risk… it felt so right.  He knotted his tie

 

“Go on boy.  tell uncle Gav”

 

“Well.  Um, you know Jo”

 

“Fantastic.  She’s amazing, gonna meet me at the airport with some work I sprung on her at hte last minute”

 

“I may have, accidentally, slept with her”

 

Who was he kidding.  He had wanted Jo since he first saw her sitting by that fountain, so innocent, so vulnerable, so beautiful…

 

“You did what?”

 

“I know. Its crazy.  And the lawyers are almost sorted out.  This could blow everything.  If I could just get her away from me for a couple of days, enough time to get my head straight, and make sure the lawyers are on track”

 

“What does this have to do with New York?”

 

“Here’s how its going to work. Gva, you’re going to call Jo.  Tell her you’re sick”

 

“Sick?”

 

“really sick.  To sick to travel.  Shes marketing right, she can do your presentation?”

 

“you want me to send Jo to New York”

 

“Just get her away”

 

“I’m going to regret this.  But for you Ric”

 

“You’re a star Gav.  I’ll get Beth to make the arrangements, sort out tickets, have a word or two with my firends in homeland security”

 

“It really is another law for the rich, isn’t it?”

 

“If ecocentric plays right, you’ll find out too, old mate.”

 

“Cheers”

 

Ric disconnected the call, and dialed another number

 

“Ryan”

 

“Mr Holmes?”

 

“I’m going to need the car.  Fortesque square.  As soon as you can”

 

“No problem sir”

 

“and ryan, just for tonight:  you don’t know who I am, and you’re a taxi”

 

“I’m on my way sir”

***

 

“I called us a cab – well, executive car.  It’ll be downstairs before we are.”

 

“Ric, how can you”

 

Ric pulled out his wallet and flashed a black credit card.  “Company credit card – I have to buy the servers. I figure we’ve been working so hard this can be on expenses”

 

Jo and Ric ran downstairs.  Jo jogging the laptop, ric trying to pull on his Jacket.  The car was parked across the square

 

“Why do they always assume its cognitex ordering the posh cars?” asked jo.  “Bet that Wittiker Holmes uses them to get around unseen by the likes of us… sitting in the back, lighting his cigars with tenners”

 

“Ric flinched.  “Someone with his cash could use fifties”

 

“Yeah but millionaires are skinflints – how else do they get to be so rich?”

 

“Fair enough.  Tenners it is”

 

Thanks god.  She wasn’t smiling, wasn’t even prying.  She didn’t know who he was.  Not a clue,  Fantastic.  Right, best bet certainly to get her out of the country, and away from any possible brushes with the truth as soon as possible

 

“Car for mr ho…” Ryan paused, as he saw Ric’s comapnaion “Mr and Mrs…?” he raised an eyebrow

 

“Car for Mrs Vickers.  From Ecocentric”

 

“Yes sir.  Thats right”

 

“Can you get her to heathrow, terminal 5 asap”

 

“No problem”

 

Jo turned around.  She looked quiziccly at Ric.  “What, arn’t you coming?”

 

“Well, i was rather hoping to get home after a long night”

 

“but I need you ric.  We havn’t finished the presentation, Gav will be…”

 

“Gav won’t be a proble…”

 

“what”

 

“Nothing.  Fine, I’ll come”

 

“Terminal 5?” ryan asked as the slipped into the back seet of the limo together.

 

“Thats right.  As quick as you can.”

 

***

 

Ric was nervous, Jo could tell.  His heart was beating, and he looked flushed.  As she sat watching the london landmarks pass as the car sped throguh the slowly growing early mornign traffic, Ric looked firmly out the front, seeming to avoid gazing at anyone or anything.  Jo opened the laptop and began to type

 

“Reading in cars makes me sick”

 

“here.”  Ric snatched the laptop from her and began to play with it.  Not many changes left, were there?”

 

“No just a few”

 

it was a brusk tone.  Ric was shutting down. He didn’t want to be there.  and Jo didn’t want to be anywhere else but by his die.  She new it was foolish, but letting go now would be admitting that she didn’t deserve love, that she didn’t deserve a life.

 

***

 

“Almost complete.  There.  Saved…a adn backed up onto the USB key”

 

“Thanks Ric”  The car had pulled off the motorway, and the firs tof the ariport hotels had come into veiw when Ric heard Jo’s phone ringing.  Jo looked at the screen “Gav” she explained and answered

 

“Gav, don’t worry, we’re almost here”

 

“we?”

 

“Ric came too”

 

“So I heard”

 

“pardon”

 

“Nothing.  Look theres been a problem”

 

“a problem”

 

“I’ve been, um, er, throwing up,  Throwing up all night.  Chunks everywhere”

 

“Oh god Gav, ar eyou OK?”

 

“I’ll um i’ll be fine.  One of those, sick throwing up things that they keep talking about in the papers”

 

“So are you going to new york then?”

 

“No, I err, thought you might like to”

 

“Me?”

 

“Its all sorted – just go up to the desk, they’ll have everythign arranged”

 

“But Gav I…”

 

Her passport magically appeared as if it had been retrofitted into the story some how.  Perhaps back at the beginning of her job she handed it over, and then Ric was able to half-inch it from Gav’s desk.  Yes thats the ticket.  It all really happened just like that.  seemlessly.  You wouldn’t really notice. in fact, Ric spied it sitting on Her desk, disorganised she still had it from induction.. there was probably a joke about the fact she wasn’t very well traveled.  As for Ric… he goes everywhere with it.  Thats what billionaires do.  any anyway, if people spend all their time thinking how clever I was to keep Jo’s passport int he story fromt he beginning, they’ll overlook Ric’s.

 

“No buts.  Look this deal is , um, superimportant to us, Jo.  You’re the girl”

 

“Oh well.  I’m going to new york.  I’ll see you when I get back.  When is that exactly?”

 

“It’ll say on the ticket… um, excuse me Jo I’ve really go to g….”  The phone went dead

 

“Your going to New york?” ric asked

 

The car pulled up.

 

” I can’t do it.  Ic an’t go to new york’

 

“Not scared of flying are you”

 

“no.  No.. but the presentation’

 

“You don’t like talking”

 

“no ric.  you don’t understand.  its slides and there on the computer, and projectors and cables and”

 

“and”

 

“computers hate me”

 

“well, I’m sure someone there will be able to help”

 

“No.  ric.  Image.  We’re the no paper people.  We’re the everything seemlessly without any problem people”

 

“You’ll hurt the image”

 

“I will.  Unless…”

 

“unless?” Ric was intrighed

 

“You’re coiming with me”

 

“I’m what?”

 

“seriously ric.  Di you have anythign better planned?”

 

“Better than?”

 

“You’ve got your card for expenses.  You’ve got your passport”

 

“My passport?”

 

“when you pulled out your walled to show me the card – its a travel wallet.”

 

“my you are observant”

 

“Its decided.  You, ric are going to save Ecocentric”

 

“I am”

“yes.  Ric, we’re going to new york”

 

“We are?”

 

Oh my god.  How could he say no.  It was stupid, it was foolish, they could be seen together, it was totally and utterly irrational.  There was only one thing to do

 

“We are.  new york.  Wow.”

 

He loved her.  he would do anything for her.  This was not going to end well.

 

“Ric opened the door and held it for Jo to exit the car

 

“Look if I’m going to american, I’m going to have to make a cll or to”

 

“Mee too Ric, Me too”

 

Ric walked away a little for privacy

 

“Beth… you’re going to need to make another call to homeland security…”

 

***

 

“So you’ve never been to the USA before?”

 

“no”

 

“Immigration is fantastic”

 

Really.  Jo had heard the stories of the forms and the queues and passengers being turned back, or made to wait in holdign cells

 

“If you’re coming to do business here they are really friendly”

 

Ric turned to the stewardess and thanked her before walkign through the aircraft door and onto the airbridge.  A Man in a black suit was holding a card reading Jo Vickers.

 

“That guy will do wonders for us”

 

“he will?”

 

Jo and Ric folloed the suit through a door marked no entry, and across a closed down section of the airport, opened a gate to allow them through immigration and customs, and then over to where their luggage was waiting. “easy”

 

“There is a car waiting for you outside sir.  And the senator would like you to have this” the suit handed Ric an envelope.

 

“The senator?” Jo asked

 

“oh probably just some sort of Welcome to new york business pack” ric said, stuffing the envelope into his pocket.

 

Jo smiled as she looked out of the airport doors and towards the wide, concrete roads.  She saw the steam rising from a manhole cover and a line of yellow taxies waiting”

 

“We’re getting a new york cab?”  jo rubbed ther hand together with glee.  Ric smiled to see her so excited “um, yess he are.”  He looked down past the line of cars to see the large black sedan whiich was waiting for him.  “yes, a cab.  Just wait in line, and we’ll be heading over to manhatten in a jiffy”

 

***

 

Jo sat next to Ric in the cab.  She looked out of Rics windows, occasionally steeling glances at Ric.  At other times she pointed out landmarks “Oh my go, the Brooklyn bridge”, “Times squae” “Is that the empire state building?”  “no wait, thats the empire state building”  The cabbie gabbled into his radion in a middle eastern dialect, and Ric, ric took it all in his stride

 

“Wahts the matter Ric.  This is new york, arn’t you excited?”

 

“I’ve been here before”

 

“But new york?”

 

“Arn’t you worried about the presentation?”

 

“Not with you here.  You’ll fix any problems with the projector, right”

 

“Well, yes but.  You’re giving the presentation”

 

Oh god.  Why have I been saying Oh God so much.  Its like everythign goes well until Rick enters the frame and stirs up my mind.  He leaves me in a constant state of panic.  The presentation.  Jo knew the context, could repeat the content in the sleep, and clients, well, Jo had talked to people before, knew she was able to speek well, convincingly, but these wern’t just people in englan, these were Americans, new yorkers.  They had to be more sophisticated and worldly than a girl like Jo.  Didn’t they?

 

“I can present”

 

“I’m sure you can, but I remember the first time I had to…”

 

“You’ve given presentations”

 

Ric was looking flustered.  Poor dear, he must be remembering a bad exeprience from the past

 

“Well… yes… I… I’ve talked at technical conferences once or twice.  Nothing big”

 

“Well.  Ic an handle myself.  I hope”

 

“Just don’t let them scare you.  Be yourself” ric put his hand on Jo’s knee “and they can’t help but love you”

***

 

The cab pulled up outside a skyscraper. Tall walls of brick towering up above the streets.  A merble lobby, looking more like a palace and less like the shabby london offices Jo had grown to expect.  Jo saw ric watching her as she gawped upwards and composed herself.  “Jo Vickers – I’m hear on behalf of Ecocentric to see” she looked at her papers “Claud White”.  The receptionist hander her a badge and indicated towards Ric

 

“Oh, erm Ric.  Ric… my god, Ric, I don’t even know your last name.”

 

Rick paused.  hesitated. He had lied so much.  He didn’t want to lie any to Jo any more.  He wanted to take her in his arms, and tell her everything.  Appologise for all the decipt.  Appologise for Leanna.  But that couldn’t happen.  Not now anyway.  Maybe another time.  He looked at Jo.  In his mind he saw her not in the plaacial lobby of a fortune 500 company, but ina palacial chapple, bedecked with flowers, stading beside him at the alter as she mouthed the words “I do”.  Chrch, that was it. “Ric Church”

 

“thats Ric Church.  He does my IT”

 

The receptionist scrawled Ric’s name on a badge and laughed .”Church and vickers?”  Ric groaned inwrdly.  Did he have that little immagination.

 

“Mr White will be with you imminantly”

 

Jo and Ric sat down on the plum leather sofas.  Jo picked up her notes and Ric started flicking through one of the magazines.

 

it was only a few minutes before they were interrupted.  Ric heard a cough from behind him and turned to see a suited man looking straight at him.  Claud White, it appeared.  Ric stood up and put his hand towards White, ready to shake.  From the corner of his eye he saw Jo and stopped himself mid flight.  “Errm. Miss Vickers” Rick said, trying to direct her attention towards White.

 

Jo fumbled her notes and let them spray onto the floor.  She stooped to pick them up, but Rick was already there, at her feet, tidying up the papers in his hands.

 

Jo sood up striaght and looked White inthe eye

 

“I was expecting someone a little more..” White stopped in his tracks.  Jo could tell he was embarassed about makign a gaff by greeting Ric, and then again my suggesting a CEO should be male.  She decided to put him at his ease

 

“no no, thats alright.  It was all very last minute.  I’m Jo Vickers.  Gav co… Gavin Douglas couldn’t be here today, he was very ill last naight.  I stepped in at the last moment”

 

“and your…”

 

White looked at Ric.  He was sure he recognised him from somewhere, but so far had been unable to place the face

 

“Ric.  Rick Church.  He provides me with my technical support”

 

“I understand.  Well, if you follow me, I have a few people who would be very interested to hear what it is you have to say”

 

***

 

Jo followed White into and out of an elevator, through another marble apnneled corridor and into a boardroom.  Unly the plywood and MDF with which Jo had decked Ecocentric, this room had a huge oak conference table at its centre, with individual halgen lighting illuminating everyon in a warm light.  Around the table sat 4 more men, ranging.  All tall, broadshuldered with strong jaws and neat dark hair.  It was as if Jo had walked into a room of all american streotypes.  Rick began to attach the laptop to the projection equiptment while Jo was introduced to the clones.

 

“Right Jo.  If you’re ready… white ushered to one of the men, who used a remote to dim the lights”

 

“Gentlemen”  Jo began “We’ve all heard how important it is to save tohe world, and we’ve been promised the paerless office for years. We are the people who are able to make it a reality.  I am going to tell you about Ecocentric”

 

“Ric projected the Ecocetric logo on the conference room screen

 

“Organising and filing paper is a big burden for the modern company…”

 

When Jo spoke, it always began nervously, repeating prepaered sentances she had memorised, gradually taking in the audiance and winning them over to your side.  You attempt a small joke to gague if they are int he mood to laugh.  You push futher.  To try to win not only their attention, but gradually their hearts.  You don’t just tell them facts, but rather you tell them a story.  If it works well, soon they are begging you, urging you to move on to tell  them more, to take them towards the end, towards the payoff.  When you get it right, you can feel it.  You know in your heart you are in control, not only of the slide projector, but also of everyone in the crowd.  They are no longer making the decisions, no longer judging or second guessing you – they are yours to mould.  And this is exactly what jo achieved today.  She was performing at her very best… and she knew why, it was becuse Rioc was there, and however much he frustrated her, how ever flustered she was in his company, she knew that given the chance to do what she was good at – selling the corportate story – while he did what he was good at – all that stuff with the wires and the beeping – there could be no failure – there was only success.  It was like a fire was running through her body

 

“and glntlement, if you move all your systems to an Ecocentric core, not only will you be using significantly less power on a company wide level – you will also be using less paper, stopping gloabl reforestation, and you will be encouraging the deployment of renewable poer sources throughout the world.  You may say that it will be a big change, and you would be right.  But the costs of implementing an ecocentric system will pay for themselves in less that a year – and you will be palying your own part in avoiding the cost to your children and your children’s children of gloabl warning.  Ecocentric – for right now, and forever!”

 

Jo looked aorund the table.  White was standing up, and he was smiling.  She looked over to Ric.  Ric had his eyes set on her, had been following her every move.  And he was smiling, a big broad smile.  And nodding.  “Well done”he mouthed.

 

“Thankyou Ms Vikkers”

 

Jo was so facinated by Ric that she had forgottena about White.  She snapped to attention and drew her gaze back towards him

 

“I’me very impressed,. Ms White.  If everythign you say is true, then I think I have some people that need to see this for themselves.  Would you be able to come back in a couple of days time and give a presentation to my board”

 

“Victory.  Jo smiled “Yes.  Absolutely.  Thats Friday is it?”

 

“2pm”

 

Jo waled over to Mr White and shook him firmly on the hand.  But even as she enjoyed her success, her eyes were over looking at the finely scupltured bottom of ric as he reached over the oak table to disconnect the projector.  f only the others were gone, she thought, that table would give us plenty of space to enjoy ourselves.

 

***

 

“I belive” Ric said “This calls for a celebration”

 

“I think it calls for a drink”

 

“your wish, Jo, is my command.  Taxi”  Rick put out his hand, as a car rushed past him.  “Hrrumph, taxi” the next cab stopped and they got in “Take us to…” Ric was about to suggest the Rainbow rooms, when he ralsied that that was where people like hiim usually went for celebrations.  Ric knew White hadn’t recongnised him because he was out of context, but sitting in the rainbow rood, drinking campage, no that would never do, he would stick out like a sore thumb.

 

“Takes us to somewhere where we can get a drink”

 

“Okay.  You two over here to see the Christmas lights.  Very romantic”

 

“Oh we’re here on business, we’re not a copuple”

 

“You’re not?”

 

Jo caught Ricks eye “We’re not” she mouthed

 

“Not officially, anyway.  I hear companies frown on that sort of thing”

 

“I gotta tell you this buddie.  I just love the way you english speek.  I had a pal’a’mine over in ing-gland last summer.”

 

“Well I’m glad.  hey, I know just the place to take you”

 

Ther driver sun the wheel, sending the taxi spinning across the center of the road, and into the opposite lane.  Horns blared.  “now this is new york… now on’ce you’re done with the beer, you gotta go to the rockafeller centre, see the tree.  Oh and the top of the Rock.  yeah, you guys gotta do the Rockerfeller center.”

 

Ric looked at Jo

 

“Well, i was thinking of taking Jo to see the view from the empire state building’

 

“Nah, buddy.  Ya see, the problem with the empire state building is, well the problem wiht is is you ain’t seeing the empire state buiulding, you’re just looking at everything else.  And if you wannna see New York, you gotta see the empire state buiding, don’t ya?”

 

“I guess you’re right.  So, what is this bar you’re going to take us to”

 

I’m not taking you to no bar, buddie.  I’m takin’ ya to a Pub.  Just like you avne back home.  its called the Atlantic Chip Shop”

 

“are, an absolutely authentic name for an engllish pub”  The car stopped outside wooden doors with an awning ith Chipshop written on it in faux newsprint letters

 

“oh my God” ric said, “we’ll we’re here now, and htey do seem to have drinks”

 

“well then, lets celebrate”

 

Ric pushed open the doors and walked intot he room.  Bare brickword adorned with beeatles posters and dark wooden tabled, sporting bottles of sarsons vinegar.  “Britain by diney, what mroe could a girl want for her first dinner in New york”

 

“Right – we’ll have 2 cod and chips and two beers”

 

Ric looked into Jo’s eyes, and Jo looked back.

 

“you know, Jo.  After all this time, you really havn’t told me very much about youself’

 

“I havn’t told you much about me.  What about you.  I didn’t even know your sirname until this afternoon.”

 

“Fair enought.  You tell my yours and I’ll tell you mine”

 

“Ok.  Where to start?  Computers.  I hate computers and they hate me.  Have done for a long time.  I once got chucked out of an IT class at school because every computer I sat down at stopped working.  The teacher thought I was being deliberately mischeivous.  It doesn’t get any better.  I bet I lost my last job for much the same reason”

 

Why Did leanna sack Jo?  Hard to second guess the mind of women, Ric decided, still, ti was worth looking into.

 

“Well… computers were really where i shone.  None of that people lark for me.  I did well at school, mind you, got myself into a decent university, but my heart was never in it.  It didn’t seem real”

 

“So you dropped out”

 

“kind of.  I got into writing some software.  Just as a hobby.  Never thought of it as going anywhere, but then, sometime in my second year, I found people were out there buying it.  And I had to support them, help them.  It took more and more of my time, and, frankly, it was a damn sight more interesting than second year physics.  I didn’t really drop out, more I took a leave of absence, and havn’t ever really gone back”

 

“”so why are you doing tech work for Ecocentric”

 

“Ah.  I’ll get to that.  But you – you’ve got to tell me more about yourself.  Why do you feel you feel you have to keep working for someone else”

 

“I thought we’d moved on from this… Look.  I like to be safe.  I like to feel like I’m part of something, something that will protect me.  Thats what Cognitex offered.  And thats what I’m helping ecocentric to offer me”

 

“But ecocentric can’t offer you that”

 

“But they can offer me money in the bank every month, and thats more than I can.  I have somethign reliable beneath all the chaos”

 

“Fair enough.  But let me ask you this.  Cognitex decided they didn’t want to pay you any more.  They dropped you.  Who knows why?  Who really cares.  You were entirtely reliant on them.  Ecocentric are the same – do you know that the funder isn’t just goning to pull out?”

 

“I don’t even know who the funders are”

 

“precisely.  You’re putting all your hopes into Gav being able to manage something.  And Gav – well, he’s a good bloke, but you’ve got to admit, its a risk”

 

“Your point”

 

“If you go it alone, you can work for more than one person.  Your work stands on its own.  if you’re good – and you are, I saw you at that presentation today, you’ve turned a neat technical idea into a really stunnign story – if you’re good, then people will want to buy.  and if, later, on, for whatever reason, one of those people decides not to buy, thenyou still have the other customers.  The thing about going it alone, it you have the potential to have more people there for you when times are hard – people who will rely on you, people who will be motivated to help you when you can’t help yourself.  Thats what being excellent really is – being true to yourself”

 

“And you’re true to yourself”

 

Ric thought deeply.  to myself, perhaps. to you, not so much.

 

“I think i am”

 

“Well then,, why are you working for Ecocentric, not your own company”

 

“Ecocentric are just one of my employers. Gav’s a friend – he’ll do a hell of a lot for me, and right now he’s one of the guys helping me out when I got myself into a stick situatuion”

 

“Would you care to elaberate”

 

“Well – out of uni I had too many customers.  Its the sort of problem every businessman loves to face, but its a problem.  You have to grow, and without a track record…  well, you have to find funds from somewhere”

 

“You sold your body” Jo laughed.

 

“no.  I sold mu soul”  Ric looked jo deep int he eyes.  He didn’t flinch.  Jo’s smile deadened.  And ric broke out into a guffaw

 

“Well, perhaps not my soul.  I took a partner on.  He gave me the cash, and a bit of advice.  I gave him some of the company.  It was an honourable deal, and he was an honourable man.  Hell, I dated his daughter” joes eyes narrowed.  Did Ric detect a little jealosy. “for a while – But then he died. And it turned out my lawyers wern’t quite as good on their side of the deal as his were when we split the company.  His estate had control.  and I had, well, I had lost most of what I worked for.  It was a bad time, but I kept at it.  I hoped for a long time I would manage to sort things out.  But they got worse.  Gav came into my office one day, and found me under my desk, unconcious.  Couple of empty whiskey bottles by my side.  He was a good man.  Kept it all hush hush.  Decided I need to get out of the toxic enviornment, and brought me over to help on his new startup.”

 

“Ecocentric”

 

“precisely”

 

“So there is more to you than just a nerd in a suit”

 

“No.  Not really.  At least, not until I mey you”

 

Ric reached his hand across the table and clasped Jos.  His hand tingeld with excitement as he touched hers, and he saw the hairs on her neck all stand to attention.

 

“Now… we could stay for another pint in Merrie Old Englandshire, or I might have a bteer idea”

 

****

 

“Its cold.  Can I take this thing off yet?”

 

“Not quite.  Just a few more steps”

 

“I don’t like not being able to see”

 

“You’ll be able to see everything in the minute”

 

“I’m freezing”

 

“Here”

 

Jo felt a surge of warmth around her shoulders as ric placed his jacket over them.  He huggeg her tight

 

“Warmer now.  I think its time to let you have a look”

 

“If your naked I’m gonna… wow”

 

“Quite a sight”

 

“I’m on top of the world”

 

“Well, actually, you’re on the top of the Rock.  That cabbie had the right idea”

 

Jo looked out.  She was above most of the buldingins in manhatten.  Illuminated by every office light she could see glinting down itn the metropolis below here  “Its amazing”

 

“So are you”

 

“Why arn’t there any other people here”

 

“I called in a favour.  You see, there are lots of people that owe me a thing or two.  Its past clsing time”

 

“so its just you, and me”

 

“and the whole of manhatten”

 

“Wow.  Ric.  You’re not like anybody else I’ve ever me”

 

“And you’re not liek anybody else I’ve ever me.  Jo – you’re real.  You have deams and life and enerygy”

 

“And you have reslience and strength, and well, now I come to mention it, quite an impressive chest…”

 

“So with everything you’re have to look at, you’re only lookign at me?”

 

Jo nodded in agreement.  Her eyes were transfixed looking at him.  The rest of manhatten had just faded away into the background

 

“me too”

 

Jo held Ric close to her.  She felt his body shiver int he cold december air

 

“You’re freezing”

 

“we could step inside”

 

Rics hands on joes shoulders pushed her around, to face an an atrium, lit by thousands of tiney lights

 

 they stepped inside and felt the rush of warmth as the doors closed bhind them.  Thousands of lights int he city below, some moving on the front of cars, some stationary in buildings and advertising hordings, all coming together to form the shapre that was unmistakeably new work.  and now around her thousands more lights, different colours each light forming a pattern which moved around, changing the colours.  But also apparently following her.  Jo stepped to the left.  the lights dodged to the left too.  She moved forwards, awave of green followed hr.  Ric laughed, jo was like a small child with a new toy.

 

“They’re not watching us?” Jo asked

 

“no.  its all computers and sensors”

 

“It would be.”

 

“so.”  rick began unbuttoning his shirt. ” we can do whatever we want”

 

“Well what I want to do right now is this”

 

Jo stepped over towards Ric.  Another step forwards, closer and closer, entering his personal space, and feeling accepted.  She placed on hand on his bare chest, and felt the firm muscles held tight in antcipation.  Her other hand sh placed on his shoulder blade.  Also firm, also strong.  Anso tensed, waiting, longing.  She placed her lips gently on his chin, and lightly, sensetively, briefly, a whisp of a kiss.  Then she withdrew.

 

“Thats all you want?’ Ric asked

 

Jo smiled.  Seductively.  On cheek raised in a come hither grin.

 

Ric came hither.  Hi arms grabbed her firmly around the waist and pulled her roughly towards him. now her heart was beating, her body was tense.  A flurry of hands unbuttoned, pulled wripped and threw away flimsy layers of clothing.  The cold of the night ,mattered less and less as they were warmed by each others body.  The lights around then twinkled and rolled, spin and shone.  Illuminated as Jo and Rcik writhed together, pressign pushing caressing and arousing.  Jo shivered as his teech bit into her shoulder, then again, as his hand found her hips and worked his way around, and slowly, teasinly down, and in.  She paused.  Everythign was white.  Everythign was right.  Now her body was pulasting waves aof pleasure over and over as she saw green blu red and yellow flashes illuminating eveything aournd her.

 

Gradually the lights faded, and the room dimmed, moved stilled and frenetic heat was replaced by a lingering, sensual warmth, and a closeness and Jo lay held by Ric’s strong arms.  She sighed contentedly and pulled his jacket across the floor, using it to cover her.  They lay together, above the city for hours.  Enjoying the peace and quite only a short while above the city that never sleeps.

 

***

 

Ric’s phone broke the peace.

 

“Turn it off”

 

“I’ll be right back.  One second”

 

Ric stepped outside. hastely fumbling with his shirt and trousers.  He recognised the number.  It was local.  It was the senator.

 

“Witticker?” the senator asked

 

“You’ve got me, senator”

 

“I was wondering if you had an answer for me”

 

“An answer”

 

“You did get my letter?”

 

Ric raecalled the airport.  The letter.  Was that only earlier this afternoon?  He had placed it securely in his suit’s jacket pocket and then forgottena ll about it..

“I got it, i havn’t had tiome to read”

 

“Not a problem.  It was just an ivitiation”

 

“An invitation?”

 

“Its my Cahrity ballt his evening, I thought that since you were in the country, I might be able to persuade you to attend”

 

“The truth is, senator, I’m travelling here incognito.  If people knew why I was here, I could get in a lot of trouble”

 

“All the more reaason to come to my ball.  It gives you a rewason to be here”

 

“you’re quite convincing, but I don’t really do the social thing any more.”

 

“So I keep hearing.  Its a real shame Wittiker.  I could do with more decent conversation, and less hearing abotu what shade of green Gucchi are going to be using next season”

 

“I can imagine”

 

“So you’ll come?”

 

“I didn’t say that.  Things are a little – well, a little tense right now.  I wasn’t planning on being here – in this country – in this continet today.  I really have to make sure things are goign alright at home before”

 

“Fine.  Fine.  I’ll keep a space open for you.  And your partner?”

 

“My partner”

 

“If I recall, I had to get two people through JFK under the radar.”

 

“Ah.  Her. Yes,a botu that.  it might be good if you don’t mention it to…”

 

“As if I would.  You know me, my word is my bond”

 

Ric frowned.  Just one day with one woman and it was all beginning again.  Why did they bring him so many problems.  A day ago the lawyers were in place, and things were going smoothly.  Now?  Now here he was, standing on top of the Rockafeller centre in cumpled trousers and a shirt, which, if truth be told, the wrong buttons were inthe wrong holes, with a woman, a goddess – Ric looked over towards Jo, who was staring out over the over side of ht ebuilding, looking at to pool of darkness that was central park – , a goddess who doesn’t even know my own name… and who would hate me if she did.  And now the senator knows I’m here, and – well, he isn’t always the most sensitive of people – I hope I can trust him.  But who can you trust?  Even I’m lying,a nd I’m meant to be above all of this.  No.  Jo.  Jo is the one person I can trust.

***

 

Jo watched Ric leave with his phone, and rolled over, trying to remain comfortable and warm, now that his stong arms had deserted her.  She hugged the jacket tighter, but it was uncomfortable.  There was somethign in the pocket.  She reached in, then withdrew her hand – she shouldn’t look though the pockets, should she.  But it was uncomfortable, and Ric, well, Ric wouldn’t be holding anythign back from here, it was probably just his wallet.  She’d just remove it.  Not look through it – lookign through thew walled would be wrong.  Removing it, well, maybe it fell to the floor on its own/  Jo shook the jacket and the letter fell to the floor.  She shook it again, harder.  This time the wallet fell. to the ground and bounced.  One bounce, the popper releasing, and his passport flying out and onto the gorund at ther feet.

 

A passport wasn’t private.  You show it to strangers all the time.  And with Ric’s head pointing out over the city, towards the empire statebuildign and the stature of liberty beyond, how else could she look into her eyes.  besides, it landed at Jo’es feet.  She really didn’t have a choice.  It was fate.  Or at least a luck coincidence.  She picked the passport up, and turned to the back page.  A picture of Ric. A yonger ric, less assured, geekier perhaps.  Hair not as coiffered.  but unmistakably Ric.  She looked at the date of birth.  Nineteen seventy-eight.  Older than her by only five years.  And his name.  Ric Churche’s full name – his emabassassing middle mname perhaps.

 

Jo Stopped.

 

Surname / Non : Holmes

 

Holmes?

 

Give Nmaes / Prenoms: Wittiker Richmond

 

Witticker Richmond?

 

Witticker Richmond Holmes?

 

But that was the same name as…  Jo stopped again.

 

It wasn’t the same name as the founder of Cognitex.  Just a few metres away outside the room the man she had slept with, the man she had loved.  The man… the man who had sacked her.  Who had jumped in the sack with her. was Witticker Richmond Homles.  The Witticker Richmond Holmes.  Fo Cognitex.  Jo dropped the passport.

 

Perhaps he didn’t have to know she knew.  Perhaps she could find some way for this to pass.  What was Wi9tticker Richmond Holmes doing in new york with a girl like her.  She though back.  The car.  The plane tickets.  Getting through customs.  The letter from a seantor.  It all made sense now.  And yet he had chosen to do it.  Could Witticker Richmond Holmes just choose to stop going to work and slip off unannounced to New York with a woman?  Or was that one of the benefits of being ultra-rich? And what was he doing at Ecocentric anyway.  He had fixed her computer last night… whta sort of Billionaire rumages around under desks lookign for power cables.

 

Jo thought back to their earlier conversation in the chip shop.  What that true?  Was he really in trouble.  Or was that another story.  Perhaps it would be better if she confronted him.  But if he didn’t want to tell her, perhaps he had his reasons.  Ric – Witticker – knew that Jo hated Witticker Richmond Holmes for the way cognitex had treated her.  He knew that Jo would never for a minute talk to him, cinsider him, and he also knew  that they came from different worlds – different planets.  They wouldn’t fit together.  They couldn’t fit togeter.  Without a lie.  And it was a small lie.  Oe that he could get past when the time was right.

 

How could she feel this way about Witticker Richmond Holmes?  about the man who, ten minutes ago she would have gladly told she loathed, and who now, now she thought about him, she could only think of as the man she loved.  A man who would do anything for her.  She turned to look out over new york.  Below her was a gasping chasm between brightly lit streets to her left and her right.  Central park.  In the centre and chaos of the city, there was a point of stillnessa nd solitude.  No.  She loved Witticker.  Thsi wouldn’t change anything, couldn’t change anything.  She couldn’t blame hime.  Not any more.  No.  All her rage, all her fury, everyt last bit of pain, that could all be targeted at the person who deserved it… and Jo was startled, yet pleased to realise she wasn’t blaming herslef.  No.  She was blaming Leanna.  LEanna Cavel.  Leanna Cavel,m the woman the world knew as the supposed partner of Wittiker Richmond Holmes.

 

The Bitch.

 

That couldn’tr be true could it?  It could.  Ric had lied, Wittiker had lied before.  She knew he was capable of hiding the truth – how else do you get to be ultra rich?  But why would he hide leannaa – she was everything a man could ask for – why risk it all with Jo..  Perhaps the press had made a mistake.  Perhaps it was all rumours and innuendo.

 

Jo loved wittiker.  She would love him even is Leanna was still in the picture.  that much she was sure.  But she wouldn’t like him.  And Wouldn’t be with him.  And that pain.  that pain would be huge.  Still, she looked out over the city.  That was aproblem for another day.  Right now, right now this was a fairrlytail.  A world between worlds.  A place where the usual rules of ligfe and love didn’t matter.  Little flakes of snow began falling past the window.

 

Jo turned around.  Outside, Witticker – no not Witticker, Ric – was standing, loooking in, watching her.  Jo smiled, and Ric returned the smile.  This was it.  Simple.  Easy.  Jo tilted her head, indicating that Ric should come in.  He entered and moved slowly towards her.  She wathced his eyes as they looked her over, takign her in completely, caressing her body as his hands had done earlier.  It felt colder now – was that JO knowing the truth, knowing that behind his eyes he was thinking something he couldn’t – or didn’tr weant to tell her, or was it just the night air brought in with him from the freezing outside.  Jo shivered.

 

“Its getting late”

 

Jo nodded.  Ric was right.  She was tired now.  These wern’t thoughts to have in the heat of emotion and exhaustion.  These wern’t thoughts to have following the exilleration of todays flight, or todays meetings.  These wern’t thoughts for a slowly fading jet lagged mind.  These were thoughts that could wait until tomorrow, wait until the calm of the morning when everything would be different.  Jo relaxed, and looked out at the snow as it shimmered.  She was calm now.  Nothing mattered.  Nothing at all, except.

 

jo stopped.

 

“hotel”

 

“pardon”

 

“Hotel.”

 

“Five letter word meaning inn or hostlery?”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Hotel.  You were saying about a hotel”

 

“We don’t have a hotel”

 

“I’m sure Gav booked…”

 

“Gav may very well have booked a hotel.  But he didn’t tell me”

 

“well, we can just call him and”

 

“It will still be early in the morning, and, poor Gav, he sounded terrible on the phone”

 

“Terrible”

 

“Terribly ill”

 

“ah. yess.  ill.  You’#re right”

 

“So we can’t call Gav”

 

“no.  Indeed.  Too ill.”

 

“And its snowing”

 

“So a bench in central park is right out then?”

 

“Yes a bench is right out”

 

“calm down, I’m kidding”

 

“Well don’t.  Focus”

 

“look we’re in new york.  I have a credit card.  Ric wen’t for his wallet, and saw it lying on the floor.  He picked it up, and flicked through the contents, pulling out the black plastic.  We’ll find a room.  In fact…”

 

Ric dialed a number on the phone

 

“Excuse me… do you have any rooms available for tonight?  Yes, I’m aware its late.  You do.  Superb”

 

Ric hung up

 

“You see.  Do a few people favours and you get to know about some of the citiy’s hidden gems.  Come with me.”  Ric scooped up his jacket and passport, and hung wrapped the jacket aroung Jo’s shoulders”

 

“Is it far”

 

“No.  Very close”

 

“good”

 

The elevator ride down was Long.  Jo looked around, seeing it all for the first time, free fromt eh blindfoild which covered her eyes as she ascended.  But Jo was to tired to take it all in, after the excitement and passion of the day, her mind was fading.  She wanted to stop now.  Wanted to crawl somewhere dark and lie undesterbed.  To hibernate with Rics arms wrapped around her.  Around her, and oly her, for an eternal winter.

 

Ric led Jo down the street.  As they walked he pointed things out.   Jo half heard a mention of the Radio City Music hall and the NBC studios, but she wasn’t paying attention any more.  New york was passing her by just as the cars speeding down the streets passed by. Tired, and calm. Jo didn’t remember the moment when it happened, but before long she had crumpled down on the floor and fallen asleep.

 

***

 

“Where am I”

 

Jo began to panic.  Gradually the memories of yesterday returned to her addled mind.  The slides.  The plane.  The meeting.  The chips. the roof.  The sex.  The walk and… oh gor Ric.  Witticker.  Ric.  The bastard.  The gorgeous, wonderful bastard.  leanna.  Not not leanna.  not Wittiker.  Ric.  Where the hell was he? Jo  looked around.  The room was small, but it was gorgeous.  The double bed on which she lay was covered in rich heavey sheets, and firm plump cushions of cotton and velvet.  Tall mahogany cambinets andstrong colours softened with quirkilly positions minature paintings.  And the flowers.  A dog size arrangement of lowers, with a card.  A card “For Jo”.  Jo read the Card “Thank you for a wonderful day.  Ric”

 

What did it mean?  Where was Ric.  Had he gone.  Did he leavee her.  Back to Leanna perhaps.  No.  Do n’t think about Leanna.  Just Ric. Ric wouldn’t leave would he?  Maybe he did.  Maybe Jo made a fool of herself last night.  Why would a billionaire care what happened to Jo?

Jo looked at herself in the mirror.  She detected a new youth, a radiance about herself that had been born anew by the excitement of yesterday.  But also a new depth, from Ric, and everythign he now meant to her, and everythign he was able to take away.  She was vulnerable now.  Vulnerable and naked… Naked.  Jo was naked.  Ric must have removed her clothes.  That was caring and sweet, and… well not entirely unexpected, he had done it several times before – but each time in the heat of passion, this, this was more intimate.  This was different.  This was about her.  Had he watched her as she slept.  That was almost certain.  The last thing Jo remembered was talk of NBC and early morngin crowds before Good Morning America.  Where were her clothes?  And where was Ric.  Jo searched the room.  Nothing, except for a dressing gown.  A warm inviting fluffy gown in a red that matched the room.  Jo snatched it up and draped it over her just as Ric had draped his suit over her yesterday evening.

 

There was a knock at the door.  Jo whirled around and tightened the robe.

 

“um yes/” she enquired.  “I’m not really very ready for”

 

“Jo?”

 

Ric.  Thank god.

 

“Oh my god, Ric.  Jo fumbled with the door.  “ric. Thankyou so much for the flowers and the room, and what happened last night, did anythign happen after we got here.  What happened to my clothes.  DDid you take my clothes. “

 

Ric laughed.  Jo remembered when she first heard that laughj, out by the fountain.  It sounded so patronising and superior.  Now she knew what it really meant – not patronising, but caring.  It was a nervouse sharing, a way ric bonded and was able to feel what Jo was feeling.  “Calm down.  Here.  Ric motioned to a bad he was carrying, something Jo had ignored.  “you must have been shattered last night.  You fell asleep on the pavement – well, on the sidewalk I guess they call it out here – I had to carry you to the hotel”

 

Like a fairy tale, just like the snow.  A sleeping beauty and her price charming.

 

“And my clothes?”

 

“Open the bag.  You fell asleep on the pavement.  On a pavement in new york.  In the snow.  I had to do something.  Luckily, as well as convenient boutique hotels, New York also has a fair collection of twenty four hour dry cleaners”

 

Jo opened the bag.  Her clothes were inside.  Clean and pressed.

 

“Oh ric.  Thank you.”

 

“no.”  Ric motioned to the flowers “thank you.  I haven’t had this much fun in… you know, come to think of it I have never had this much fun.  I didn’t know life could be like this.  I really didn’t know I could enjoy myself caring for.  being with.  spending time with”

 

“With someone else?  With another person.  Sharing yourself?”

 

“Well, actually, yes.  With you.  Jo.  You’re amazing”

 

Jo looked at Ric carefully.  Studied every movement his face made as he spoke.  Looking for a faintest twitch, the slightes sign that he was lying.  That this was a show, a performance.  Another lie.  But she saw nothing.  Could he be tweeling the truth.  Had he melted.  That was impossible.  How could Jo be the first woman to show Witticker Richmond Holmes how to have fun – he was loaded – seriously – financially, mentally, and from what she recalled from last night physically.  Was it possible that no woman had ever taken him by the heart?  Never.  He could have had his choice of suiters.  Look at Leanna.  Model perfect.  Honours Degree fromt he Sorbonne.  How could Jo, with her 2-2 from canterbury ever compare with that?

 

But Ric was smiling.  And when ric smiled, logic passed by.  And Jo felt herdself melting in exactly the way Ric was describing.

 

“Never the less” Ric said.  “I think it has occured to me exactly what itr is we need to do today”

 

“Well, I was planning on sitting down and revising the Ecocentric presentation for tomorrow’s meeting”

 

“Well, thats one possibility.  But I can think of something better.”

 

“you can?”

 

“well, it isn’t really very businesslike to turn up to another meeting in exactly trhe same clothes as the previous one.  Peopole will think you only have one set of clothes”

 

“Thats one more set that I had ten minutes ago”

 

“true.  Nevertheles, I think it is very important, neigh, neccessary that you and I go out shopping this morning”

 

“well.  You appear to be a master not only of computer fixing, but also of negotiation, Ric Church.  Take me shopping.  I’m all yours.”

 

***

 

Shopping.  Fantastic idea, Ric thought to himself.  Shopping.  Now, true, Jo did need to go shoping, that was undoubtable.  One set of clothes would never do.  But what did Ric know about shopping?  Leanna, she could shop.  She treated shopping as its own artform, trailing around one out of the way boutique and ending up like something had crawled off a catwalk and mated with Voigue.  But leanna wasn’t here… and Jo… well, Jo didn’t seem all that Vogue-y.  She would probably settle for something ordinary, comfortable.  Something which wasn’t going to cost her – or the company credit card – too much money.

 

Which wouldn’t do.

 

If Ric was going to spend time with Jo in new York – and that decision had already been made – he wanted to ensure he treated her right.  JO was oging to have the time of her life in every respect – of that he was sure, because wh Jo was happy, he was happy, hiis heart warmed every time he saw here wide eyes sparkle as they passed another landmark, or saw anotyher famous site.  Ric thought back, deep into his memory.  Where was it that Leanna had liked to go.  He wracked his mind.  No good.  Ric had usually zoned out long before his driver had pulled the car to a halt.  In only 10 minutes Jo was expecting Ric to take hor out towards the bright bustling mecca of new york fashion, and ric was vaguely wondering if he could think of anything slightly mor einteresting than Macys or Bloomingdales… or… what was that shop they named the kiddy dinosaur after?  Whatever.  Fashion wasn’t his thing.  He was technology, information.  If only technology could help.

 

Ric slapped himself on the forehead when he realised his stupidity (do people actually do that, Ric wondered, apparently they do.  I’m a living walking Cliche).  Ric pulled his mobile from his pocket and navigated to google.  “New York Fashion District” he typed.  “I’m feelin’ lucky… fantastic”  Rics mind raced. “Hmmm, new york vogue…  yes”

 

There are benefits to being a geek.  And ric understood that one of them was the ability to quickly absorb vast reams of information and spot patterns, synthesise theorys and come to logical conclusions.  Eight minutes later when Jo knocked on his door, Ric was ready.

 

***

 

“I know absolutely nothing about fashion”

 

Ric looked at Jo, and understood what she meant.  It wasn’t that Jo was unattractively dressed, or that her suit was anythign less than fantaticly complimentary, to what was already a fantastic body.  But it wasn’t fashion.  It was clothes.  There ios a line between fashion and clothes which Ric could only understand by thinking about Leanna… it was similar to the difference between art and the pictures you find on chocolate boxes.  The both take talent, they may wellboth look very attractive, and they both do their job.  But one takes risks and has the soul of the creator infused in it.  The other is simply servicaeable.

 

Jo deserved better than servicable

 

“Jo.  You look fantastic.  But this is new york – you can find amazing things here.  Down in Chelsea, somewhere below 27th street there are any number of tiny boutiques waiting for you to explore”

 

“boutiques… but I can’t.  Can’t I just get somethign simple?”

 

“You could.  And macys is over there” – Ric pointed in the opposite direction. “But I don’t know:  you’ve been sent to New york with absolutely nothing other than the clothes on your back.  Isn’t it time you lived a little – time you took some time out for yourself.  Time you took advantage of the fact that our funders pay almost no attention to our credit card billl?”

 

Ric laughed.  There was one funder – one person who paid every bill ecocentric raised, and he looked over the bills in great deatail.  Thankfully the funder was Ric himself – or rather Witticker – and Whitticker could be persuaded to overlook things like this.

 

Jo smiled.  Ric loved that smile.  He loved to see her won over by argument, or money, or fun.  Whichever it was.  Won over by him.  Just as he was Won over by her.  COmpletely, totally, utterly.  Foolishly.  This could still ruin everything.  If Leanna was to find out, the lawyers would have a field day.  Ric would be lucky to get anything from the settlement – Leanna would take it all.  Every last…

 

Now was not the time or the place.  Ric shook his head, to clear it.  Leanna was a continent away.  Lawyers were on the other side of an ocean.  This was a perfect space, a gap between the worlds.  A time out from everythign else that was going on.  This was just about him and Jo.

 

“Jo Vickers” rick held his right arm at shoulder level, open parmed to indicate everythign about the world around her “I give you new york fashion at its finest.  Scores of shops, each waiting to take Ecocentric’s cash.  Each wanting to make you happier though the power of unridaled consumerism”

 

***

 

Jo looked aorund.  Each store had a different name, each trying to sound vaugely exotic, each attempting to stamp an individuality.  And each containing wondeful bright, pretty, long, flowy, short, slinky glittery, leathery, velvet and chiffon things.  It was like heaven.  it was better than heaven.  This kagzi coat – she looked at it, paten leather, crumpled with a thick waist belt and short cut off just below the hips… In all her childhood days at church, the minister had never mentioned anytrhign about Kagzi coats in heaven.

 

“Oh my god”

 

“Would you like to try it on”

 

Jo spluttered and tried to keep her composure.  She looked for a price tag, and saw nothing.  A shop without prices… either the stuff of dreams, or with more crushing reality, the type of  place where if you needed to know the price, you probably couldn’t even aford to look.  Jo’s heart sank…  but the kagzi… she loved it… although the alumi coat with the fake fur stome and the tailoring sitting across the aisle was calling out her name too.  Why had ric bought her here?  She couldn’t afford this.  This was out of her league, out of her world.  This was the sort of place only frequented by the fashionistas.  The elitle.  The ulta rich.  The… the Witticker Richmond Holme’s of the world.

 

How could she have forgotten.  This wasn’t Ric bringing her somewhere to kit herself out for a business meeting. This was Whitticker Holmes, bringing a woman to the shops.  My god, he had probably done this hundreds of times, with supermodels and catwalk waifs.  With Leanna Cavel.  And now me.

Jo looked over at Ric.  He smiled and nonned a strong, confident smile.

 

“Yes.  Yes I think I will”

 

“If you would like to accompany me, the changing rooms are across the floor”

 

Jo followed as the impossibly tall and thin assistant tottered across the boutique floor.

 

“you know, I htink I give this a try too” Jo said, pulling the Alumi coat from its hanger.  Rics grin grew.  And for a moment, just a fleeting moment Jo allowed herself to pretend that this was anything but temporary.  that this could be her life.

 

***

 

they say that time flies when you’r ehaving fun.  Jo was experiencing something different.  More than fun.  Bordering on the religious.  A state beyond time where anything could happen. Shop after shop, each containgin more wonders.  One an aladdins cave of trasures, the next uiptight and ordered, yet open to her – Jo got the feeling just to her, another comfortable, relaxed with ambient music and staff who would bring their thougths to you, fitting Jo with everything she needed – at least once they say Ric’s credit card and knew that she was serious.  Jo recalled pretty woman:  at one time it had been her favourite film, right now it was her life.

 

“Somethig busineesy”

 

“You have ameeting?”

 

“Yes”

 

“I can find you the exact thing you require, Ma’am.  Smart yes”

 

“er, yes”

 

“But casual.  COmfortable”

 

“Absolutely”

 

“Relaxing, wi5th an elegance that shows you’re confident deep inside”

 

“well, if thats”

 

“And, I think all finsihed with.  Your eyes.  To complement your eyes.  You should do more with your eyes.  Have you been to Jaques Le Fluer”

 

“Whats a Jacks?”

 

“Jaques.  No.  it is new, but he is absolutely fantastic.  I will gaive you”  The man reached into his incredibly tight leather pants and pulled out a note pad “I will give you an address.  Tell him that Ry’anne sent you.  Ask him toaccentuate the eyes.”  he turned to a girl – tall and impossibly thin, but with a sshock of red hair to differentiate her from the assistant two blocks away “Michelle.  We need business, casual, elegant.  High confidence I was thinking Galtier.  See what you can find”

 

Michelle nodded

 

“So you are from London… I was there for fashion week int he summer…”  Ry’anne’s conversation continued with an ease and flattery which came naturally to him, until Michelle arrived bearing a suit

 

“you will look wondewrful in this, darling.  Try it.  No now, quickly you must”

 

Jo carfully unwrapped the suit fromt he thin tissue paper than was encasing it.  Inside was something thin, misshappedn yet perfectly tailored.  Exquisite black jacket and long flowing off white dress with a black print pattern.  A bloues  of rough cotten with a floral emboridery.  Low cut to show more breast than Jo would ever consider appropriate, yet cautiously hiding  her modesty.  It was so unlike her usual considered high street suit.  It was so much more daring, yet so much more refined.  She loved it.  Loved it with a passion.  This, she spoke directly to Ric, this is perfect.

 

***

 

More shops.  Ric had done the rounds before, each boutique different, each one trying to give its customers a different experience, a different style – and most – Ric caclculated in his head, costing so much to run, and potentially making so little in the way of profit – even given the high per-item margins due to the scarcity of paying customers, that he was sure the next time he found himself in this area of new york, there would be another set of boutiques, each indistinguishable from these, but owned by different people – other fashinistas who wrongly thought they could make a buck where their oh so call colleages had failed.  Perhaps this was the way with style – it was baout what you did, not how much it cost you Ric figured – maybe there was a place you went onto after the Chelsea boutiques that made the expense worthwhile.

 

Jo had taken to it slowly at first, but as the midmorning had crossed lunchtime an d moved into the small of the afternoon, jo had found her sea legs.  She was becoming one of them – but remaining unmistakably Jo.  She was flitting from shop to shop now, trying to work out what, exactly, it was she liked and learning to describe it to each of the fawning assistants or owners.  There was an attractiveness to it – Jo was gaining in confidence – all she had needed was a kick start, 10 minutes of research on Ric’s part to put her in place – and the funds to make her dream a reality.  Why was it that whenever Ric tried to show her this about her work life it always ended in argument – why couldn’t she see that she was capable of being more than someone who relied on others.  Already Ecocentric was relying on Jo more than she could ever imagine, but there was no way Jo had noticed it – no way jo would ever believe it about herself.  If only there was some way to show her how talented she was.

 

Ric’s phone rang, and he excused himself once more

 

“Senator”

 

“Witticker.  I was wondering, have you given any more thought to the ball.  I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that you owe me one”

 

“You’re right, senator.  I do.”

 

Ric groaned internally.  He hated any sort of debt.  Debts always had to be repaid, and the cost was usually too high.

 

“So you and you’re partner will come?”

 

“I didn’t say that senator, I said I owed you one.  I am free tonight, and can indeed attend the ball… and I’m sure you’re charity will be taking away a nice donation on my behalf by the end of the evening.  My partner… my business partner… will, unfortunately be unavailable”

 

“Thats okay Witticker – its you I want.  Fantastic.  Tonight.”

 

“Until tonight, senator”

 

Why did Ric have to keep these people happy.  Influence and ego, he guessed.  Still – he could avoid anyone seeing him with Jo, anyone associating him with Ecocentric.  Hopefully that would be enough.

 

Ric returned to the shoip.  Jo was drawling over a selection of evening dresses.

 

“Superb business attire” Ric commented

 

“oh, I know” Jo replied, but her gaze was trapped by one particular gown which no more hung from a maniquine tah a river hung from a mountain side.  the gold cloth flowed, it waved, it weaved, bobbed and bubbled.  Ot sparkled in the sunlight, and reflected the depths of night. “I know this is something well outside why we’re shopping.  Its not something I could ever own.  It isn’t in my league.  But I’m allowed to fantasise a bit arn’t I”

 

“you’re allowed whatever dreams you wish, my dear”

 

Ric flinched.  Did he really just call her that.  My Dear.  It sounded awful  FIt sounded formal.  It sounded stilted.  It sounded like he was talking to Leanna.  First the senator and his manipulation, now here he was turning jo into something she wasn’t.  But the way she loved that dress, it was a passion he had only seen in her eyes a ferw times before – and all consuming passhion.  A temptation.  A guilt – but a pleasurable guilt.  The only times he had seen it before were when Jo was looking at him.

 

“Jo.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to go out and see an old friend this evening.  Terribly boring really, not somethign I would do given the choice, but he talked me into it.  You’re going to be working on your presentation, right?”

 

Jo nodded.  he could see her heart sink, and it made ric live ever so slightly more to see that he would be missed, but this was the only solution.  And if Ric knew the senator’s balls it would be a collossl bore.  Jo would be lucky to be left with her imagination.

 

Still, perhaps it warrented an apology.  As they left the shop. Ric made certain to take a business card.

 

***

 

Ric and jo continued their walk around manhatten for several more hours.  Ric took the opportunity to enter a mens outfitters and – despite Jo’s pleadings that it owuld be fun for the two of them for her to play dressup with Ric the way she had with herself – left minutes later with a suit bag in hand

 

“my friend” ric explained ” is a stickler for appropriate clothes.”

 

“And armanai isn’t good enough”

 

“Armani might do.  But plane crumpled, unpressed Armani?  I needed a new suit anyway”.

 

jo laughed.  Ric never looked anything less than perfect.  Even as he had pulled his tousers on the night before atop the Rockerfeller Center, he wasl aready looking better dressed  than any man Jo had laid eyes on.  Of course, she wasn’t looking at his Armani then, her eyes were still glued to his chest.  To each muscle that rippled as he moved and bent down to collect his shirt from the floor.

 

Snow was falling again, settling in small white clumps on the pavement and spellign out intricate patterns.

 

“We have a few more hours before I have to leave.  Is there anything you want to do?”

 

Jo hesitated.  “It sound silly”

 

“Wahts sounds silly”

 

“no.  Its OK”

 

“Jo.  We’re in New York.  Its your first time here.  What is it you want to do”

 

“You know the movies.  In new york in december.  There is one thing people always do”

 

“Tell me”

 

“Ric.  Why don’t we go ice skating”

 

“Ice skating?”

 

“why not?”

 

“well” rick hesitated, and changed walking direction so they were he4ading north towards central park. “There is one problem.”

 

“There is?  Are the queues too long”

 

“On’t worry about queues.  The problem is that I’ve never skated”

***

 

Jo laced up Ric’s boots  “They have to be tight” she offered “otherwise you might break your ankle”

 

“Well, at this rate I’m going to loose my foot from gangreene.  I think you’re cutting off the blood supply”

 

“Sorry.  Right.  Done?”

 

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be”

 

“Well, hold on close.  We’re going to the rink”

 

“You know, the cafe looks superb.  I’m sure I’d be just as happy watching you skate while I drink a hot chocolate”

 

“Ric…”

 

“and you can’t possibly enjoy it having to look after me every second of the day”

 

“Ric.  This is an important learnign experience.  So you have a choice.  Either you come out onto the ice with me and learn to skate… like that gorup of three year olds are doing, or you sit back where you are, drink a hot chocolate, and learn what it feels like for me to tip the contents of anothe rmug into your crithc”

 

“Damn you’re good at selling things.  Skating it is”

 

The central park ice rink was illuminated by bright lights, while the rest of the park was dark and covered by night.  A crowd thronged around the edge of the rink, and skaters wrapped up in warm gloves and scarfs hurlted chaotically around the middle, while the more tallented pihrotted in the cntre and bobed between the less controlled, avoiding them as a fly avoids the waving of an irritated hand.  Ric held onto the barriers for grim life as Jo darted around him

 

“Come on, its fun.  You just have to slide your feet like this” Jo indicateds ths now plowing, waling motion.  Ric staggered forwards a few yards, then crashed himself comfortably into the barrier.

 

“you’re getting there”

 

“I am?”

 

“Just take it easy.  its all about practise.  About taking careful risks, one at a time”

 

Ric slid forwards again.  Slightly more confident now, but remaining close enough to the barrier to allow himself to grab hold. Jo was nowhere to seen.  Ric searched for her, as a five year old, his family in toe, skated past with and ease and grace Ric normally associated with the ballet.  There she was, across the rink, spinning and swirling as she ducked in and out, dodged passed and whilred round the other skaters.  Here she was bold.  Here she was in her element.  Ric tried another few yards.  it was getting easier.  More and more yeards between pauses, grabbing onto the sides less and less, agetting further and further around the lap.  A quater of the way.  half way.  Back to the gaping barrierless enterance and past.  Successfuly negotiating a crowd of girls.  Jo had lapped him several times, shouted encouragement, and laughed at his occasional stumble.  But RIc was progressing on his own.  Steady improvement.  Learnign more and more with each step he took, figuring out the stategies that allowed him to maintain balance, that allowed him to hold onto himself.  No long was he the person that people were skating around – no longer was he the obstacle, now ric was the person avoiding the obstacles.  Not graceful, not fast, not even particularly stable.  But plausioble.  And improved.  A step on the way to being good.  And, after a while, able to circumnavigate the rink without stopping for a breeak, or needing to crash into a wall.

 

“you’re doing fine” Jo laughed

 

“You know what” Ric said “I am.  Look at me… I didn’t know how to skate”

 

“And you still don’t”

 

“No.  But I can get by.  And I know what my capabilities are.  And I know my capabilities are better than they were earlier on today – and I know that, if I needed to, I could push them further. Push myself further.  And who knows, maybe if we try this again, I’ll get better.  Maybe one day I will know how to skate.  Maybe I’ll be as good as you.  Maybe better.”

 

jo looked impressed.  “You have such confidence in yourself”

 

“Quite the opposite in fact. I know that I often look like an idiot when i try something new.  But i also iknow that looking like a fool means I can learn by making mistakes – its only pewople who think they have to know everything worry about looking bad”

 

“So your business?”

 

“I won’t be making that mistake again”  Ric thought about the senators ball this evening, a social event with all the same olf aces, the faces that had let him fall towards his destruction before, and how he had managed to avoid bringing Jo, avoided the obvious trap which could cost him his livelyhood.  He thought about the lawyers and how he might still managfe to hang onto some of what he had buiolt.  He thought about how he had succombed to the senators request, even though it was against his better judgement – how many more people woul dbe able to take advantage of his good nature and his honour. He hoped against hope that he wasn’t falling into the traps that had caused him so much grief before.  He hoped he could avoid those mistakes again.  But time was beginning to show to him that where emotions were concerned, where logic was only a small part of the Picture, Ric still had an awful lot to learn about not only himself, bu also everyone else and the games, stategies and rules they played by.

 

Ric looked at his watch.  “My god, its getting late.  Jo – I’ve got to go to seem my friend.  You know how to get back to the hotel, right?”  Jo nodded, and Rick slid his way catiously towards the rink exit, while Jo continued her pirhoetts and turns as he walked away.

 

***

 

Jo’s phone Rang.

 

“hello”.  Jo wanted to be brief.  This would be costing her a fortune.  Why did she leave her phone turned on?

 

“Jo, its, um, Gav”

 

“Gav.  How are you?  Are you feeling better”

 

“Better. Um.  Yes, Ill.  Getting over that now”.  Gav coughed, and jo thought back to Ric.  Did Ric arrange this?  It made some sense, but if he did, then why did Jo have to convince him to come.  “Here you bought Ric out with you”

 

“Yes”

 

“good guy, that Ric”

 

“Gav.  What there something you wanted?”

 

“Oh, um yes.  Had a call from that While fellow, over at Baker and Baker.  Seems a firm eough chap.  You did a reall number on him – I’ll have to send you out to the field more often.  He’s um, your biggest fan, really er, looking forward to takign you to see the board tomorrowe.  You’ve got a lot further a lot faster than I was expecting to manage”

 

“Great./  I thought things wen’t well too.  Look, gav, do you want to come out for the board presentation?”

 

“Um.  No.  Claude is really quite on your side.  He might even, um, have a little crush or something.  Seems very interested. Want s you to go with him to some event tonight.  Didn’t have your numbe,r only mine.  Asked me if I would ask you”

 

“I’m meant to be preparing for the presentation tonight”

 

“Jo.  Um.  Look.  This is difficult for me to say.  I’m er not telling you what to do here.  Its up to er you.  But if you go to this, this err, Ball – let me check – yes Senator Hinkmann’s Holiday Charity Ball – with White tonight, you’re going to have him on your side at the um, board meeting tomorrow.  thats worth more than a presentation.  And um, your presentation seemed to do the trick yesterday anyway.  Why try to, um, change anything.  If I were you, I’d do whatever you can to get people onto your side”

 

“Whatever I can?”  Jo was shocked at the implication

 

“Well, um, no, um I didn’t mean, um Jo I really don’t want you to get the wrong impression…  Its just sometimes who you know gets you further than what you know.  Trust me.  it was entuirely, umn who I knew that got me to where i am today”

 

“Gav?”

 

“Yes Jo?”

 

“Can you kep a secret.”

 

“That’s um, thats sometimg I’m quite good at, Jo”

 

“I thought so Gav.  Because I’ve found out one of your secrets.  It isn’t who you know that got you to where you are today, its who you are.  you see, I found out who Ric is.

 

“Ric.  IT guy.”

 

“No gav.  I found out who ie really is”

 

“um”

 

“Wittiker Richmond Holmes”

 

“Um yes.  Well.  You shouldn’t spread that around.  Ric has reasons for people not knowing.  He probably told you that”

 

“I havn’t told him”

 

“you havn’t>  Are you upset?”

 

“well, a little.  But if he wants me to like him for who he is, not what hes done, then thats up to him.  I might as well enjoy new york”

 

“good for you girl.”

 

“So is Ric going to be a problem when I get home”

 

“Whatever happens, I’ll fight in your corner.  Thankfully you’re doing him some good after all the problems with his break up with leanna”

 

“Leanna?  Leanna Cavel?”

 

“Well, um yes.  I’m probablky saying too much.  Yes, um, look.,   pretend we never had this discussion right.  Ah, the ball”

 

“The Ball.  Cluade White”

 

“Oh that”

 

Jo thought.  Could she go to the ball with another man.  Would that be right?  Did it matter, apparently Jo was just the rebound girl.  The rebound girl after Leanna.  (after Leanna, that gave Jo a shock of satisfaction, but she would have prefered to be first choice).  the rebound girl after the breakup. The breakup with leanna.  The Lawyers.  teh comany?  Had they been?  had they been married?  Ric didn’t have a Ring on, but why would he, if they were going through somethign like this?  A divorce and he hadn’t mentioned it?  COuld that possibly be why he was so evasive – why he was so cautious about everything?  Well, he’s leaving me to see a frind, why not – I could do with a night out, and – Jo looked around at the ice rink, looked at the snow falling in front of the trees, in front of the tall skyskrapers,a nd the black new york sky.  It was like a fairytale – and every fairyt5ale should end with a grand ball.

 

“Jo/  the ball?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“atta-girl.  I’ll get Cluade to send a car to your hotel in about an hour”

 

“Gav?”

 

“yes Jo?”

 

“Thankyou Gav”

 

***

 

Jo was panicing.  Why did she say yes.  Ric wasn’t like that was he.  Even if he was, this was New York.  This was different.  That was the rule.  jo was going to enjoy new york, she wasn’t going to be bound by the rules, wasn’t going to care about her life back home.  And.  Oh my god.  What was she going to wear.  It was a ball  All that shopping and she didn’t by a ball dress.  Didn’t need a ball dress for work Ric said.  Pah!  What did Ric know?  Jo thought back to her purchases earlier in the day.  MAybe there was somethign she could do, but she only had a short time, and she really needed to take a shower after the skating – it wouldn’t be professional to turn up all sweaty and in dissarry.   Jo climbed the hotel stairs and slid in the card to unlock her doo.  The room was dark, but lit by a warm glow from the streetlights outside which bleed though the righ black curtain.  Her shopping had all been delivered, and was placed in bags neatly at the end of the bed.  Jo rummaged through the bags, pulling out clothes one by one.  No skirt.  To short.  To businessy.  Perhaps this shirt could be put with something.  But what?  Nothing It was the final bag jo opned which shocked her.  Inside was a parcel.  Wrapped in pretty art-print paper, with a card attached, and a handwritten note aatached.  “Happy Christmas – love Ric”

 

Jo undid the paper.  Carefully gently.  Was she meant to open this.  Should she wait until nexzt week?  Tonight was an emergency.  Ric would understand. She had leverage over him now that she knew exactly what Leanna had meant to him.  She pulled back the paper and gasped.

 

Ric.  Oh.  Wow.

 

It was the dress.  THE dress.  The gold, sliky, glittery dress of waves and ripples and floaty-flowingness.  Ric knew.  And Ric bought it for her.

 

Cinderella.  in this new york fairytale, you are going to the ball.

 

Jo dropped the dress and ran to the shower.  20 minutes.  I can do it in twenty minutes.  tenty minutes and then off to a ball.  My first ball.  That I’ve been invited to by one of the top guys at Baker and baker – of New York.

 

Inside jo had more questions.  What are all these men seeing in me.  Top CEOs of international companies, both looking at me and seeing soemthing, seeing something that I didn’t know was there.  Are they both missing something, or am I.  Am I more than just Jo Vickers, marketting.  Is there something else?  Something that puts me on a par with them?

 

Jo turned on the water, and as it ran down her back, Jo asked herself the question over and over again.  Who is the Jo Vickers they see.  And how can I get to see her?  Jo smiled.  Tonight, this was down to her, and her alone.  She was going to have fun.  She was goign to be the new Jo, the stron Jo, the successful jo that everyone in New York was going to love.  The new Jo in the new dress, in New york City.  Jo beamed.  When a night wqas going so well, what could possibly go wrong?

 

***

 

The dresses flowed over Jo.  Golden sequins lit and flickered in the light of the lobby.  Clade White stood next to hre, admired her, his eyes danced, following each bounce of the light.  Jo looked and felt like a million dollars.  Here she was, standing at the entrace to the really big ballroom place without a name that is absolutely somewhere int he centre of new york.. I really need to do some research.  Where would be good:  I’m bored with the rockefeller center now.  To her right was Clade White, one of the top dogs at Baker and Baker.  He had been on the vanity faire power list.  Only a few months ago, Jo had been a faceless member of a marketing team – she could hardly afford to buy vanity faire, and certianly not anythign that featured in its pages. and now she was part of new yorks elite

 

“I’m really glad you were able to make it tonight”

 

“I’m delighted you invited me, Mr White”

 

“Please, please.  Call be Claud.  We were al;l really very impressed with you at yesterdays meeting”

 

“Thankyou”

 

“No.  Thank you.  Yo look stunning this eveing.  I don’t think I could have asked for a more delightful companion”

 

“Well.  Its christmas.  I think I can treat myself this once”

 

“jo took a glass of moet from the waiter positioned at the ballooms entrance.  “Should we make out entry?”

 

“I think we should”

 

Claud lifted Jo’s hand gently in his, raising it, so both arms bent at the elbow.  He nodded at the doorman, who opened the doors for them.  Jo grasped the stem of her glass tightly, and braced herself as she looked inside.

 

The ballroom was cavernous.  High arches leading up to a glass cealing looking up to the stars above new work.  Low level subdues lighting lit the wooden floors, while the tqables around the edges faded into the darkness allowing the rich and the elite that were seated at them a level of intimacy and privacy they they rarely got outside.  A string quartet played soft classical tunes, and individual lighting wrapped up the pillars, remiding Jo of the fairy lights on her christmas tree at home.  Clad led her towards the floor.  Smooth, wooden planks polished not only be careful staff, but also by years of dancing.  The gentle music gradually soothed Jo as she stepped out onto the floor.  Claud held her gently, yet firmly moved as they began to drift across the hardwood flor in time with the beat.  Aove Jo, the lights continuesd to sparkle.

 

***

 

Ric sat across the table from the Seannotr.  he shifted further back into his seat, attempting to hid int he dark recesses of the ballroom, away fromt eh eyes of socialites.  The senator was smiling and making small talk, and Ric was trying his hardest to keep out of it. He hadshown his face as much as he intended to, and the senator would be sure of a generous donation to whichever charity it was teh senator was supporting this year.

 

“I’m sure you understand the importance of…”

 

Ric drifted off as the senator continued to explain something he had little interest in.  Why, oh why had he agreed to come to another of these dismal parties.  Soone people would notice that he was present, and then – then there would be the never ending stream of wellwishers looking to make contact with the podigal socialite – and maybe one or two who were looking to make contact with the prodigal socialite on behalf of their daughters.  Most probably assumed he was still very much associated with Leanna, but some could be pushy – too pushy.

 

Ric thought of Jo.

 

Right now, right now he would prefer to be hoed up in the hotel room, with her – perhaps watching her try on the new dress he had bought her – seing her smile asshe had unwrapped it… and then, ideally, watching her as she took the dress off again and fell into his arms.  He shoudl have taken Jo dancing.  Not here, naturally, that would be a disaster.  Not here, but somewhere with more reality, somewhere with more passion.  There must be 100 clubs in new york, someone could have told him where to go.

 

Perhaps, Maybe Jo had had a technical emergency and needed him… ric pulled out his phone and looked for calls.  Nothing.  Maybe he shoudl call Jo, and check, just to be sure.  Ric entred her number. He looked over to the senator, who gave him a disapointed, disaproving glance.  “Sorry” Ric mouthed “Emergency.  2 seconds”.  The phone range and range.  six, seven, eight rings.  And then voicemail.  Ric looked at his watch -too early for her to be asleep.  Perhaps shes worked herself too hard.  Poor thing.

 

Back to the senator.  To early to be asleep, certainly too early to leave.  Only a few more hours.  Then he could be back with Jo.

***

Claud sheapparded Jo to a booth reserved for him.  Not far from the band, the music wrapped around them as they began to talk

 

“So you havn’t been with Ecocentric long”

 

“Noone has.  Ecocentric are still ver new” _ Jo realised her mistake – “but we are made up of people each of whom have outstanding pedegree”

 

“Jo.  Excuse me if I sound a little, crass, but you have already succeeded in telling me everything I need to know to trust and belive in ecocentric.  It isn’t a common occurence that I recommend a prospect directly to our board.  In fact, you are quite possibly the first.  Tonight, Jo, I wanted to get to know you, I wanted to get to know the person behind the presentation”

 

“Well, I’m not sure there is much to know”

 

“I find that charmign.  So bashfull.  So understated – you brits have a Je nes sai pa abotu you”

 

I”m fairly sure thats the french”

 

Cluad laughed.  “And the wit.  We could do with the more of that wit around here.  Have you ever thought about moving out to New York”

 

“Hardly.  I wasn’t expecting to come here at all until Gavi… until Mr Douglass was ill”

 

“And you havn’t been before”

 

“I havn’t been anywhere further than france”

 

“I didn’t take you for quite such a parochial woman, Miss Vickers.  I thought you were a lot more”  Clade looked apprvinglu up and down the length of Jo’s dress “Cosmopolitan”

 

“I’m learning”

 

“So you’ve had the opportunity to see soemthing on New York while you’re here then.  I hate those business trips where you never see more of a city than the inside of an airport, office or Cab”

 

“I have.  Ric has shown me quite a lot of the city”

 

“Ric?”

 

“You remember Ric”  Jo was backpeddling.  Why did she mention Ric.  Talking about Ric couldn’t possibly be a good idea.  Not right now.  Claude didn’t want to talk about Ric.  They were having such a good time.  Why did she feel the need to discuss Ric.  Why couldn’t Jo get Ric out of her mind?  “Ric did the tech support at our meeting”

 

“Oh him… there was somethign familiar about him.  Doe she know new york well?”

 

“Erm.  I think he has been here a few times.  Might have worked out here in ther past or something.  So where are you from, mr White?”  Change the subject Jo.  Well done.  Try to move him away

 

“Well, then, that must be it.  He must hasve been here sometime ago, maybe I ran into him then.  Now as for your question, maam, I’m from the south.  Texas.  A small town named San Patricio”

 

“San partirci?”

 

“San patricio.  Not far from Corpus christi”  Jo’s face was blank

 

“Huston?”

 

Huston.  We have a problem.  Yes.  Jo had heard of Huston.  She nodded

 

“Well, tel you the truth, I couldn’ wait to get out of there.  MAke something of myself.  Thats the sort of man I am, Jo.  Always looking to get what i want.  How about you?”

 

“Well, I don’t really know”

 

“Amazing.  You really are the modest one, arn’t you”

 

“Well.  Really, What I like is to be part of something.  Something big, firm, stable”

 

“And is ecocentric Big?”

 

“Well, no.  Not yet.  But it has big ideas.  And Big people.  And we’re already sealing deals with a number of important”

 

“You’re doing it again missy.  Don’t tell me about ecocentric.  Tell me about you.”

 

“Well, I’m seeing ecocentric grow”

 

“but you’re not seeing it as stable yet, are you missy.  Not like Baker and Baker.  and, truth be told, it isn’t big like Baker and Baker.  If it was big, you wouldn’t be talking to a VP like me, you would be talking to a CEO.  And if it was Big, I wouldn’t be talking with head of marketing,  I’d be talking to some jumped up little sales guy.  You see, at the moment, ecocentric is our plaything.  We can buy – and we probably will, because it suits us, and because you guys seem to know what you’re doing.  But down the line, you’re going to either have to grow – which will cause you more pain than you know right now, or you’re going to become dependant on us.  You’re going to find we are able to call the tune, and if you don’t dance the way we want you to dance, you’re gonna find we pull the riung from under your feet”

 

“What are you saying, Mr White?”

 

“Me?  I’m not saying anything, Miss Vickers.  But, truth be told, I was wondering if you wouldn’t feel a bit more comfortable somewhere bigger and more stable.  Somewhere like Baker and Baker”

 

“Mr White?”

 

“Claude”

 

“Claude.  Are you offering me a job”

 

“Actually, there I think I might be able to offer you a little bit more than just a job”

 

“Claud held his hand on the back of Jos neck, and bent down towards her.  She watched in terror, or perhaps stange facination as his face moved ever closter, as she began to smell the aftershave and feel the soft touch of his other hand against her cheek.  What about Ric.  What could she do abotu Ric.  Ture, Ric wasn’t here, but surely he would be upset. But he was married, and he had lied to her, consistantly, repeatedly.  And tonight was as special as any time in New York had been.  But tonight Jo was int he dress, the dress Ric had bought her – a dress which had apparently wooed claude White.

 

She pulled her head back

 

“no”

 

“I’m sorry, mam.  I didn’t mean to take advantage… its just that when I see you there, so talented and so beautiful, and so modest about her talents and her beauty, I just want to…”

 

“no.  No.  I don’t want you to feel embarrassed.  Really.  I’m charmed its just…”

 

Jo loooked across the dance floor.  Her moth opened in horror.

 

***

 

Ric was distracted from the senator’s conversation.  He recognised her from  just the shape of her sillohette across the room.  It was inconceivable.  How could she be here.  Today. This evening.  She wasn’t meant to be here.  This was going to be a disaster.  A complete and utter…

 

Leanna.

 

Acorss the room, and walking his way.  Slowly towards him.

 

“Excuse me senator”

 

The senator looked up.  “Have you seen someone who takes your fancy”

 

“Qute the opposite.”

 

Oh dear.  the senator followed Rics gaxe.  Leanna Cavel.  Fantastic.  He knew it had been a good idea to invite her.  People would be taking about this evenign for months to come.

 

“Have fun”

 

Ric began to walk towards leanna.  He had to be strong.  he had to keep calm.  There was nothing wrong with being in New york.  Everything was exactly as it should be.  Leanna couldn’t hold anything against him just being here.  This would go smoothely.  Politely.  And thn he could leave.  Dignity.  That was the answer.  Calm, polite dignity.

 

Ric waved a quick wave to Leanna and signalled her to follow him towards the edge of the ballroom

 

“Wittiker”

 

“Leanna”

 

“I hope this wasn’t you’re idea.  I know you’ve been chummy with the senator. But I didn’t think this sort of thing was your style”

 

“It absolutely isn’t”

 

“Good then.”

 

“I think the senator may, possibly be looking for a little outburst from us.  Something to get talked about tomorrow.”

 

“Well.  That would harly be a good idea.”

 

“I agree.  We’re too close to ending this thing now”

 

“I think, Wittiker we more or less have ended it.  I’ve instructed my lawyers to make a final offer.  I think you’ll find it more than generous”

 

“I’ll have to hear what my lawyers have to say.  But I imagine we are ont he same page”

 

“So?”

 

“So you’ll sell meyour controlling share, and we’ll be able to end this charade”

 

“Charade?”

 

“Leanna, you havn’t been seen with any man except for me for a number of years.  The press stillt hink we’re together.  Its a charade”

 

“But it is a charade that has helped me”

 

“how”

 

“Oh; You never have tried to play the games have you Witticker.  Here is the thing:  you’re family were always part of the social circle – your mother and father put you there a long time ago.  Whereas Daddy, Daddy only had money.  And out here, Money is fine, so long as you’re prepared to throw it around at the right people.  But back home – well, there are places money can’t buy entrance into.  And that means there are people I don’t get the opportunity to talk too.  Unless, well, unless they think I have gained access another way”

 

“So by letting them think we are still an item”

 

“They still invite me to be part of their set”

 

“But that will have to come to an end soon”

 

“Whittiker.  In a few weeks time, everyone will know that I’m the successful businesswoman who saved Cognitex and didn’t take a bit of the credit until you savagely threw me out.  I already have offers of places to go and people to work with.  And trust me, once they know I’m single, I’ll ahve my pick”

 

“You could have done that a long time ago”

 

“Maybe.  But I wanted you to suffer, Wittiker.  And I wanted you to throw as much energy into Cognitex as ou could.  When this little argument started, cognitex was still small enough to be taken over by some faceless corportation.  You could have shifted me aside and I could have faded awy.  By keeping you there,you[ve turned it into something worth more money than anybody could pay:  well,a nybody except you and me.  Now, i already have people willing to take the sock of my hands – you’ll have lots of people wanting to get their annual dividends – even if you have control.  But i’ll be able to leave with a reputation.  I’ll be able to take the media by the hand and tell them what really happened.  And you, Witticker, Richmond Holmes, will be left picking up the pieces:  You don’t even talk to your own PR department, I really don’t see how you can manage to win the worlds press over to your side – especially if you keep hiding away”

 

“And you’re telling me this now because”

 

“Because I’ve won.  because I’ve got what I want”

 

No you havn’t, Rich thought.  You’ve got the money, you’ll be able to keep youself the way you are accustomed to.  you’ll even make me look bad, cripple me a bit more in the eyes of the world.  But in all that time you’ve been keeping me working for cognitex, eeking out your fortune a little bit more, you’ve totally missed what I’m really doing.  You’ve won your game… but you’re going to miss the bigger victory.

 

“So then. What do I have to do.  How are we going to play this”

 

“Well, i was thinking, you could kiss me, and we could have a little dance.  Fr old times sake”

 

“you were”

 

“unless you want me to slap you in the face and storm out. It won’t hurt me any more, but it will give the press somethign to start sniffing out, and it will make poor little Leanna seem even more put upon when you cruelly throw me out of Cognitex next week.  I could say it was another woman, oh yess the press would eat that up.  Who have you been seen with lately… oh damn, you never go out, do you Witticker.  Well, someone here perhaps, what about her”  Leanna pointed across the room – oh no, not her, she’s with thet White fellow from Baker and Baker”

 

Ric followed leanna’s arm towards Cluade White.  And towards the woman he was reaching down to kiss.  And towards the familliar body.  and the familiar gold dress.

 

“Leanna”  Ric didn’t see Jo look up, look towards him.  “Leanna.  If thats what you want, kiss me”

 

And leanna, all angles and makeup kissed Ric with her cold hard lips, then pulled ric towards the dance floor.

 

***

 

Jo started walking to the door.  She held back her tears, but it was gettign harder to talk, to say anything

 

“Claude.  I think we had better go”

 

“Well, now, i would like to appologise for my behaviour,I’m afraid I can be a little forward, and I hope it does not hurt our business arragements. You are sill coming to the meeting tommorow?”

 

“Of course I am, and claude, really, I’m flattered.  Seriously.  But Ireally think we should leave now”

 

“Maam.  I hope this is not going to cause un any awkwardness”

 

Jo stopped outside the ballroom and looked Cluade straight int he eye

 

“Calude.  A few days ago, I wouldn’t dream anything like this could happen to me.  I still can’t.  I’m in some sort of whirl right now, the world around me keeps changing, throwing me around like a rollercoaster.  I don’t know what to think. I really don’t.  And you’re charming… and the job offer is flattering, seriously, I appreciate it all so much”

 

“Then maam’

 

“Yes Cluade”

 

“I think, what I would suggest, is you take yourself away from everything.  Give yourself some space.  Let yourself breath.  I’m not going to want you to say anything now – anything at all which isn’t a reasoned and well thought out decision.  If you still want the job, Jo, its yours.  If you might, perhaps want a drink, some time in the future, well, I’m ready to take you out and show you the time.  In the meanwhile, perhaps you might let me walk you back to your hotel.”

 

“Thank you claude”

 

“No, thank you maam.  I tell you, you might think you’re going through something crazy right now, perhaps you’re feeling a mite mixed up.  But let me tell you – you’ve got your head on straight.  Most of the girls in there are all show and drama.  You, Jo, you’re somethign special.”

 

jo smiled.  Claude was charming.  A gentleman.  And he was good looking. But mostly he was charming.  The texan drawl flowed out like molasses, sweet and good natured.

 

They walked back though the busy streets, joking, doging and ducking amongst the falling snow.

 

“you think about it.  Think about everything” Claude suggested.  Jo kikssed Claude on the cheek.

 

“I will”

 

But all Jo could think about was Ric.  Ric and Leanna.

 

Joe lay on her bed in the hotel room, while the sceene of Ric and Leanna played out in her mind.  An old friend?  A debt he had to repay?  Make up for past losses.  It was all so obvious.  Ric still wanted Leanna.  Still needed to be with her.  He had found out that leanna was in New York.  He had tried to be a gentleman, avoid Jo finding anything out.  Even bought her a present – an extravgent, fantastic present.  Ric was a gentleman… he had warned her that this couldn’t last, and she had known what was coming.  But still, Jo wanted to have one more conversation.  She knew the odds were low, that Ric was likely to be returning to some suite with Leanna.  But she lay on her bed and waited for Ric to return.

 

Jo Wept.  And still she waited.

 

***

 

Ric wanted to leave.  He wanted to follow Jo, tell her everything.  Tell her that he loved her.  Fight for her – fight Claude for her if need be. But how could he.  Locked inthe arms of Leanna, spinning soulessly across the dance floor while onlookers looked on and people around commented about how rate it was to see the young Wittiker Holmes out and about.  No.  This was for the best.

 

The best. ha!

 

If he were to run now, Leanna would see him with Jo.  Why would he be with Jo if he didn’t know her from somewhere – Leanna’s lawyers had investigators.  Everything would screech to a halt while they looked into Jo. And Jo would lead them first to Ecocentric, and then from Ecocentric to Gav and finally him.  How could he run?

 

How oculd he be with her?

 

Jo didn’t even know who he was.  Jo thought he was plain Ric Church, a guy from IT.  Maybe she had seen more to him now,a s he took her around new york, maybe she knew there were hidden depths, but how could she know how deep she ran.  And she had seen him – seen him dancing with Leanna Cavel – Leanna Cavale, the woman who had sacked her, the woman who provoked so much hatred in Jo’s eyes when she was mentioned.  How could Jo possibly get over this – unless he told her he was Witticker Holmes… but then he would have to explain that, explain how he had lied – and face up to the fact that Jo Hated Wittiker Holmes as much as she hated Leanna.  Either way he was doomed.

 

And Claude?

 

That was a surprise.  Claude had never seemed the ladies man – it appeared he was jst as shrewd an investor as Ric – taking his time to identify the perfect prize and then swooping in.  And there was nothing to complain about – for all his brash texan charm, inside he had proved time and time again to be a gentleman – a businessman that Ric was happy to work alongside.  Jo was not going to faire much better than Claude – he was a good catch, a stand up man.  If Ric couldn’t be with Jo, he was glad that Claude could.

 

Leanna looked straight into Ric.  Her eyes were cold and piecing.  They felt as if they were reaching in and untangling his pain – tisting and stretching it, exploring and upsetting it.  She smiled

 

“you really do hate to lose, don’t you Ric.  Well – perhaps this will teach you a lesson”

 

The dance came to an end.

 

Ric bowed to leanna, and made his excuses and left.

 

He did hate to lose.

 

Ric wobbled out onto the streets.  He needed air.  He needed space and time to think.  He needed not to lose.  There was a solution to this.  All he had to do was think about it calmly, rationally.  Ric had solved bigger problems – he had built Cognitex from nothing and was succeding again with ecocentric.  He had fought bigger battles – if only he could detach himself from his emotions and look at this clearly.

 

Think it though.

 

Slowly, carefully Ric began to look at the problem.

 

There was Cognitex.  It was almost a done deal… it would cost him dearly – it had already cost him dearly, but he was back in control.  And once he was back in control, he could do what he wanted.

 

Ecocentric.  That was what he enjoyed doing.  Once he had Cognitex, Ric could easily take over the reigns of ecocentric, bring the two companies closer together – hand over much of Cognitex’s day to day operations to someone else and delve deeper into his new project.

 

Leanna.  Ric could let her have her fun.  Who cared what anybody thought of him.  Ric was not a man to let words hurt him – he was a man who could put up a fight against sticks and stones.  It was only betrayal that stung, and this betrayal happened a long time ago.  Ric had already developed a scar.  and when leanna found Ric had moved his core assets over to Ecocentric, that she was going to be receiving a shell of a company – far lower in value than the markets believeds – well, then Ric would have some satisfaction.

 

Jo.  Jo was the missing piece.  And she wasn’t even a piece that was meant to be in play – she was from a totally different game set – a chequer on a backgammon board.  She was also Leann’s greatest move.  Sacking Jo had spun so many wheels into motion – had meant Ric had had to move faster and less subtly than he wanted with Ecocentric – had had meant he had almost blown everything over a matter of the heart.  And yet Leanna didn’t know – didn’t even realise what it was she had played. Jo – the Joker in the pack.  Ric was straining at the heart and strainign at the metaphore.

 

What could he do about Jo?

 

He could wait – but that would rick losing her to Claude.  Ric Liked Claudse, but he loved Jo.  It would tear him apart that she could be happy if he were not.  Yet it seemed like the solution whoich would cause the least pain all around.

 

He could tell her everything.  Who he was.  What was happening.  And perhaps that would solve all his problems, perhaps Jo would understand.  Perhaps she would smile her radient smile and forgive him, fall into his arms and enjoy the happy ending.  but it was a risk.  he had cost her her job and her confidence, lied to her, and then left her alone while he danced with another woman.  And women can betray.  Ric knew that from Leanna.  Once scorned – rightly or wrongly, they are dangerous – if he were to tell Jo everything – then jo would know too much – she would be able to take him down.  It was a risk.  Was it a risk worth taking, after everything that had happened.

 

He could find a new lie.  That was tempting.  Ric Church and Leanna – there had to be an explanation.  Why would Ric Church be in the arms of Leanna?  There were certainly possibilities – Ric was doing his old firend a favour?  Ric was trying to get somethign out of cognitex.  None sounded convincing, but with time and finesse, perhaps he could craft a story that…

no.

 

no more lies.

 

It was lying that had got Ric to this point.  Lies had cost him dearly, and by lying, he was no better than leanna all those years ago.  Leanna had said she had loved him, when all she really loved was the money.  When jo had said she loved Ric, it was ric, it was him – the reall deep down Ric, the core of the being, not the lucre-stained Witticker Holmes.  But was that Really him?  You could no more seperate Ric from Witticker than you could a something from a sonething else which funamentally must incude the first thing.  When she said “I love you to Ric” she spoke directly to Ric, but she was saying it to a lie.

 

Honesty.  The only option.  The honourable option.

 

Ric looked up.  He was standing on wall street now, had walked the legth of Manhatten in his quest to find the answer – to find out what he really believed.  Looking up at the skyscrapers Ric thought of all the words that had built this city.  All the deals.  All the truths, the half truths and the lies.  He wondered how often it was that the lies had won.  He wondered if, perhaps, tehre was no place for honesty in the world.

 

It troubled him.

 

With computers there is only honesty.  Computers do what you say.  Not what you mean.  They interpret every instruction exactly as you tell them – they are reliable and consistant.  That is why computers work.  People.  Peope are different.  if only they could be consistant.  If only they could be honourable and reliable.  Things could work so much btter.

 

It would be a struggle to convince the world of this, but one man could try on his own.

 

Ric turned on the balls of his feet and began tha long cold dark walk to midtown.

 

“Excuse me” a poorly dressed man came up to him

 

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any>>>” Ric patted his pockets.  No honesty.  Honesty.  That was the way.  This man was clearly in a bad way, to be out at a time like this on a night like this.  Ric removed his wallet from his pocket, and pulled out an 100 dollar bill

 

“Enjoy yourself”

 

The man looked greedily at the wallet.  “Actually,” he said pulling a pistol from under his coat, I think I would like the whole wallet

 

“Now, look” Ric was in no mood for confontation.  He had to get to Jo.  Get to Jo before Claude did.

 

“I said give me the wallet”

 

“Look, I’ll give you another hundred, but really I”

 

“You shoundna argue”

 

“But”

 

there was a loud crack, and Ric felt a coldness in his chest as he sank down to the cold, snowey floor and drifted into unconciousness.

 

***

 

Jo stayed awake all night, waiting.  Hoping.  She couldn’t sleep.  She struggled with closing her eyes, but then the thoughts began to echo back through her head, and pictures of Ric dancing with Leanna, of Claude closing in for a kiss.  They whirled around, and became brighter and stronger.  More vivid.  And so she would open her heys again, and look  once more at the ceiling, and the empty space in the bed beside her.  And she would try to keep herself occupied, playing games to distract her attention.  But each time she thought she was ready to sleep, her subconcious dragged up the old thoughts.  Ric was always there, hiding behind every thought.  Waiting to jump out.

 

Ric was more than a fairytale. He was becomming an obsession.  An obsession that kept Jo awake.  She watched the clock flick over from two to three, then three to four.  as four turned to five and crept salowly towards six Jo recognised there was no way she was ever goign to sleep.

 

That was fine.  She had nothing to do today.  Nothing to worry about.  Except, gradually poking its way though the hazy cloud of her sleep derpived mind, she knew there was something.  jo concentrated… what was it.  Something to do with Cluade -had she agreed to see him again: no… not quite.  She had agreed to see him and a lot of other people.  At the board meeting.  At Baker and baker.  That was today.

 

Fuck.  Fuckpuppies.

 

Today.

 

Jo cringed.  She was going to need a shower.  And coffee.

 

Ric wouldn’t be bringing the coffee to ther this morning.  Ric wouldn’t be bringing anything.  Because Ric, Jo surmised, was with Leanna.  Leanna Cavel, wrecker of lives.  Wrecker of Jo’s life.  Jo stumbled into the shower, and fumbled with the taps.  Fuck, she cried as the water, too hot, burned her skin.  Bugger, as she stubbed her toe on the side of the bath trying to get a better grip oin the controls.  Defeated, jo sat down int he now luke-warm spray from the shower head and tried to get a grip.  Things were going from bad to worse, and it wasn’t even 7 in the morning yet.

 

After an hour of stitting there, making no progress, not quite dozing, but not awake enough to worry about time or space, Jo got up, stepped out of the shower and narrowly avoided slipping on the soaking bathroom floor.  She looked around for a towl – there was one, sitting at the centre of the puddle.  Soacked.  Fuck it.  She walked out of the bathroom and into her bedroom.  She grabbed the  eiderdown from the floor and wrapped it around herself, half towel, half dressing gown.  Dressing gown – that would be a better choice…  Jo searched and found it, lying on the floor where Ric had torn it off her the night before.  Another experience for the memor banks – another moment of wonder, that was now a searing pain whenever she recalled it.  Why did happiness have to turn bad.  Why couldn’t Jo be pleased that she had had fun, rather than distraught that it was now over, never to occur again.

 

Right.  Board meeting.  Jo searched for her laptop.  Thank god.  That was here, and, yes – superb – working perfectly.  Some moments of luck in an otherwise dismal morning.  She closed the laptop.  How would the meeting go.  Would Ric be there?  Almost certainly not.  How could Ric explain anythign to Leanna – why would Ric want to pull himself away fromt he matrimonial bed following a reunion – what must have been a fairytail reunion for ric.  No – Ric wouldn’t be there.  Jo would have to be her own tech support.

 

God was laughing at her.

 

Right.  A plan.  First, get dressed.  I still ahve all the wonderful clothes.  Second, get coffee.  I need to be awake and ready to deal with anything the meeting is going to throw at me… no thats not going to happen – get coffee with extra shot of esspresso – I need to be at least vaguely concious for the duration of the meeting:  way to go, girl, make your plans realistic and acheivable.  Finally, get a taxi to the offices. Once you’re there, give a half-decent presentation, and trust the Claude will be on my side.  Hope that Clausde will be on  my side.  Hope that I didn’t inm some way emmasculate claude last night and that he doesn’t hate me.  Get taxi to airport.  Find a flight and get the hell out of new york.

 

***

 

“Hes stable” – the surgeon removed his mask, and looked down at the bullet in the tray.  It had been a hard operation, but his skillful hands had managed to stem the blood flow. “Still no signs of consciousness.  Some monior cranial damage.  Some chance of a persistant vegetative state.”

 

He looked at the body’s hands.  The finely manacured nails

 

“Does anybody know who this guy is?”

 

“Found on the street” an assistant replied.  “No Id, no wallet.  lt looks like it was a mugging gone bad”

 

“damn.  Well, I’ve done what I can for him.”

 

***

 

Jo didn’t look bad.  Seeing her reflection looking back at her in the mirror, Jo marveled at how the right clothes and tidy hair can hide even some of the deepest emotional scars.  Inside she was hurting, upset, confused, but on the outside she looked… presentable.  Normal… maybe some signs of a late night aroud the eyes, but nothing ot show that the soul had been shredded by Whittiker Holmes.

 

Why was she doing this again?

 

For Gav?  Maybe, but it seemed a lot to ask.  For ecocentric – perhaps.  For Ric, not a chance… so why… For herself… to prove that Jo was capable of something on her own.  Maybe.  Maybe that would come out of this.

 

Or maybe, just maybe she would fail.  And prove everybody else right.

 

***

 

Starbucks.  Home of solitude, home of peace, home of highly caffinated beverages.  Jo joined the queue and was quickly greeted by a barrisata who seemed a little bit to awake for this time in the morning “How can I help you today?”

 

“Emmm.  Coffee”  Jo flinched.  Starbucks.  Remember to order the Starbucks way.  “Erm right.  Venti ingerbread Latte, extra shot. Skinny”  She looked up at the barristra expectanctly?  had she got it right.  When did coffee come from something black and sludgy in a mug, to a complicated test you had to take before you were allowed to stand and wait for it to be handed to you.  Jo walked a couple of yards to the left and and waited for the coffee to behanded to her.  “Venti Gingerbread Skinny Latte” – it felt like forever before those words were called, her eyes were drooping again, and she was readying herself to entre into the world of the microsleep.

 

Right.  Mind off the presentation, Jo thought.  Need to distract myself for a few minutes, help myself get centred.  Jo looked aorund at the notice board – nothing there, then at the rack of newspapers.  She picked one and took it with her to a vacant table.

 

Jo sipped her coffee.  Then blew at it “too hot”  she placed her bag onto the table and propped the newspaper up on top of it.  How long before the meeting?  She looed at her watch.  30 minutes.  Well, the building was across the street.  Just enough time for the coffee.  She began to sip the bitter nectar of Java.  And gradually, she felt stonger, and caffine induced wakefulness started pushing aside the worrying clouds of drwsyness.  She smiled.  Feeling more prepared now.  She took another long draft.  The coffee was cooler now, she was further down the cup.  Jo turned the page int he newspaper – maybe there was something in the social pages about Ric – well, About Witticker Holmes.  She flicked through and…

 

FUCK!

 

Jos coffee – Jo’s Joe went flying as a fat besuited mand carrying a large tray of beveradges backed into her table.  It soaked through the paper, soacked through Jo’s blouse. Jo funbled with the empty cup, while the business man offerred loud, voricorous and entirely useless appologies.  Not now, not – jo looked at her wathc – not 10 minutes before the boad meeting.  Jo looked at the brown coffee stain on there shirt.  and mopped as much dry as she could with the remainder of the newspapers, ads barristas rushed by to see if thgey could manage any of the cleanup.  Jo didn’t notice amongst the coffee soaked pages of the new york times a photo of a dishevelled looking Ric, and the headline “Mystery Man In Coma”.

 

Her laptop bag dripped.

 

***

 

Jo pulled her coat tightly over her shirt – it hid half the stain, but was not sufficient.  She hurried across the road – joining the Jaywalkers and ignoring the traffic – and into the lobby of the Baker and Baker building.  Still modern, still pristine – somehow uqiter and clamer than Jo felt inside.  She walked up to the reception and anounced herself to the recptionisht

 

“Hi, I’m Jo Vickers from Ecocentrc.  I have an appointment with Claude White”

 

The receptionist nodded and looked down at her schedule.  She looked up aagain beeming a big Smile.  “Mr White will be with you in a few moments, Miss Vickers.  In the meantime, could I get you anything to drink”

 

Jo blushed.  “No.  I’ve had enough coffee for today”  She pulled her coat tighter around her.  This was going to be a disaster.

 

The time waiting felt like an eternity.  As Jo watched the second hand on the wall clock it seemed to move more slowly with each tick, and slower still with each tock, grinding closer and closer to a complete halt each time Jo thought of having ot give the presentation. She was beyond flustered now, beyond embarassed.  Jo had reached hopelessness, the point fromt which there was no return.  Any moment now, Jo thought, sahe would be save from the meeting – not by anything happeneing to help her, but by the onset of the next Ice Age.  Had it really only been six minutes.

 

“Miss Vickers”

 

Jo recognised the sweet texan drawl.  I bought you these flowers by way of appology for any inproprietry on my part”

 

Jo smiled “Thanks Claude.  Really, there was no need.  You were a perfect gentleman”

 

“I sincerely hope thats true, Miss Vickers”

 

“Jo.”

 

“Jo it is then.  So, Jo, May I take your coat?”

 

jo pulled the buttons tighter.

 

“now, Jo.  Its warm up in the office, you don’t need to be shy”

 

Jo relented and unbuttoned the coat, pulling it open to reveal her coffee soaked clothing.

 

“Well then.  I can see why you thought you needed to be shy.  But this is a problem I can fix.  One moment”

 

Claude walked over to the receptionist, and began talking to her.  Jo could see him relaxing, and falling into the same charming body language he had used with her as he started explainign the problem to the receptionist.  She watched his hands as he gesticulated, calm, confident, storng gestures.  Then he pointed towards a coffee cup,m and to the recptionist’s shirt.  The receptionist nodded in agreement, and left the desk into a back room.

 

Oh no.  This couldn’t be the answer.  Jo couldn’t allow this.  She rushed over to Claude

 

“You can’t ask the receptionist to do that”

 

“I can’t?  You forget that I’m a fairly important person here at Baker and Baker”

 

“But not her shirt.  I can’t take her shirt.”

 

“Her shirt?  OH you think…  Maam, I would not be so crass as to request any woman remove her clothing for me – well, except perhaps once I was in wedlock.  I meerly asked Susan if she would be so kind as to bring me a cup of coffee”

 

“A cup of coffee?”

 

“Indeed.  Ah- thankyou susan.”  Claude took the offered cup of coffee from susan “Could you fetch a cloth or a mop?”

 

Susan scurried away again.

 

“You see…” Claude threw the coffeee over his shirt.  “The coffee here isn’t really fit for drinking – it gets left to get cold.  But once in a while, there can be a freak accident, someone trips, the coffee leaves their hands, gets poured over a hardworking executive and the potential business contact he is meeting.  Its very embarassing, of course, once this sort of thing gets explained to the board… but tis embarassing for the board – less so for you.”

 

jo smiled and laughed.  “You’re an amazing man, Claude.  I can’t believe you would do that for me”

 

“Shucks.  You have a hard enough job convincing these fellows to use your software – I’ve been here over a decade, still havn’t convinced them to let us buy drinkable coffee.  Now lets go to the board room”

 

***

 

The board room was high up the building and empty.  The wondows looked out over the street, out over the hustle of the traffic – and out over the starbucks where the troubles had started.  Started?  Well, where they had multiplied.  A large table and comfortable chairs, supported a  projector pointing at a large white cinema screen.  Clausd lowered the blinds, cutting off the outside world and natural light, and flicked a switch to turen on the desk level lighting.

 

“Miss Vickers”

 

“Jo”

 

“I’m sorry, Miss… Jo.  It never feels right to be informal in a business situation like this.  I’ll let you get on with setting things up.  If you need anything, just holler on the phone”

 

 If I need anything?  How about Ric.  How about someone who knows how to work these things?

 

“I’ll be fine” Jo lied.

 

Claud smiled, and nodded and left the room.

 

Right projector -that must turn on… Jo fiddled with the buttons, until severl lit up.  But still no light.  Perhapos there is soemthign else I need to do.  Jo lifted the projector up.  She looked to see if it was plugged in.  It weas fine.  Why wasn’t there any light coming out?  Perhaps, Jo thought, she unplugged the projector’s power cord – the lights on the buttons turnedoff.  She plugged the power cord back in.  Still no lights.  She pressed a few buttons.  Randomly now. her heart was beating faster – twenty mintues and nothing but a dead projector.  Had the bulb gone?  Jo had heard about people saying projector’s bulbs went. What could she do- maybe she could look int he front and see?  Jo walked around to the fron of the projector and peared at the bulb.  She saw the problem instantly.  The lens cap was still on.  Jo removed the cap and was blinded momentarrily by the white light that came streaming out.

 

White light – she tunred around to see the projecteer ligting up the screen, and her shadow casting a shiloette against it.  She hads succeeeded.  She had made the damn thing work.  It was a success. She could… Jo didn’t want to tempt fate but… she migh tjust be able to do this.

 

Jo opened her laptop case, and brushed the coffee that had sunck through fromt he laptop.  She located some wirtes on the projector, and proceeded to attempt to fit them into every hole on the side of the laptop until they eventually seemed to fit.

 

She hit the power button.

 

The screen flickered.  And then a “phut” noise rang out thought the room.  Black smoke drifted up from thelaptop – there was an acrid smell – bitter, tinged with… gingerbread.

 

the late.  In the computer.  It must have.

 

Jo sat down on the floor.

 

The computer had been ruined.

 

The presentation had been ruined.

 

All hope had gone.  This was it.  The end.  No Ric.  No presentation.  And there was no way Clause would give her another chance.

 

So Sat in silence, and waited for the inevitable.

 

After a number of minutes had pass3ed, Jo headed a knock on the door, she turned to see Claude pokin ghis head through a gap

 

“Miss… Jo.  I was wondering if you were nearly ready”

 

“Jo turned to Claude” he could probably see that she had been crying, Jo thought, but perhaps the darkness might hide it

 

“Claude.  I have soemthign I need to tell you…”

 

“You do”

 

“My computer I’m…”  Jo was about to confess when a spark lit in her mind.  A memory – it was only a couple of days ago, but it felt like a lifetime.

 

“Claude, can you give me two seconds”

 

Certainly, Jo”

 

jo ran out of the boardroom, and down the corridoor.  She looked though each window until she saw an office.  She peered through the window.  Excellent – computers.  This might just work.  She turened around “Calude.  I’m going to need some screwdrivers.  Do you use cognitex here?”

 

“Cognitex?  I think so.  Just one second and I’ll sort out the screwdrivers for you”

 

Jo rushed through the office, and out the door on the other side.  There was a waiting room.  In it sat the irritable Gentleman from the klobby.  Sitting downm, fuming under his breath.

 

“Excuse me sir, I don’t know if you would happen to have an external drive for a laptop”

 

He looked at Jo as if she was an idiot “.What just on me.  Perhaps in my suit pocket? Who do you think I am, Witticker Holmes?”

 

Witticker Holmes.  Oh God.  Witticker Holmes.  Ric.  Why couldn’tr Ric be here.  Ric knew how to do this.  Jo was just flailing around.  She began to cry, just thinking about Ric.  She turned and ran back into the office, away from the suited git’s sarcasm.

 

***

 

Calm.  Calm.  Focus.  Get throught this.  One step at a time.  Don’t let Claude know whow much you’re suffering.  Just keep plugging away.  Wou saw Ric Do this.  Ric… No Focus.

 

Cluade entred the room.  he handed a set of screwdrivers to Jo.  She snatched them away from his grip, and felt a playful resistance which infuriated her even more.  Couldn’t he see she was bluffing.  No, apparently he couldn’t .  Claude was looking on in:  what was it?  Admiration?

 

Jo dug around in the screwdrivers and removed the laptop’s case.  Inside was a maze of cables, wires and circuitry.  But there was also soemthing that looked like the disk Ric had removed from her computer.  She snatched it up and disconnected it.  “Right, I’m going to need to use one of the computers in the office Jo said.” Claude followed, watching carefully.

 

Jo strode into the office and claude pointed her at a machine.

 

“Does anybody have an external drive connecter” Jo shouted

 

A few people in the office looked up, and one – a younge pale boy, nineteen or twenty – lookign much like Jo assumed Ric must have in hisd yourth ran over

 

“This ought to…”

 

“Thanks”./  Jo took the box.  It didn’t look the same as the one Ric used, but maybe it was sufficicent.  She opened it, and placed her drive inside.  Screwing it up, jo prayed that it would work.  She plugged it into the computer and looked at the screen.  Right, run cognitex…

 

Dear god.  Please amke the computer do the thing that Ric made the computer Do.  Dear God, please let things work.  Dear god. God.  Oh my God.

 

Cognitex Recovery

 

Recovering Lost Data

 

Please wait…

 

The hourglass span, around and around.  The percentage complete crept up.  40%  60%  77% 82% 94% 99%

 

Complete.  Data Recovered.

 

Jo turned around.  Claude was watchig intently.  Nodding in a manner Jo recognised – in the manner she would nod whenever anybody came to her computer and tried to show her what to do

 

“Cluade… you wouldn’t happen to have a laptop I could rum my presentation on, would you?”

 

“Certainly”

 

Claude walked from the office, quickly returning with the approprate hardware – a sleek loooking vaio, all black glossy plastic and brushed aluminium.  Jo transferred the files and started up powerpoint.  Success her presentation was on the screen.

 

Did I really do that? On my own?

 

Clause walked Jo back to the board room

 

“Jo.  I hope I’m not being a little, well, impolite when I say this, but I am truely impressed.  When you arrived with a technical guy, I thought to myself, well – so what – everyone has problems with computers.  But you really know your stuff – you seem to know the insides of all of everything.  What I just saw you do is, well amazing.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve had presentations fail on me and I’ve just had to chalk and talk it, or make my appologies.  COmputers hate me”

 

“They hate you?”

 

“Absolutely.  But you have a knack.  It really wasn’t something I expected.  Where did you come from before ecocentric?”

 

“Cognitex”

 

“Ah – that explains it.  Maam, you are a genius.  They must have been sorry to see you go”

 

“You wouldn’t belive”

 

“I shurely would”

 

Jo plugged the laptop into the projector.  her slide flashed to light on the cinema screen

 

“I think we’re ready”

 

“Ready?”  Jo had forgotten about the meeting.  All ther worried had been about getting the technology right.  Getting it working.  Which she had.  on her own.  Without any help from Ric.  Without any help from anybody.  “yes.  I’m ready”

 

Ready for anything.

 

***

 

Jo looked up at the assembled board.  They werte looking back at her, all absorbed, taking notes, listening to each and every word.  And, she hoped, from what she could see of their movements, their body language, they way they reaxcted, beliving everything she said – assimilating it into their world view

 

“…the costs of implementing an ecocentric system will pay for themselves in less that a year – and you will be palying your own part in avoiding the cost to your children and your children’s children of gloabl warning.  Ecocentric – for right now, and forever!”

 

The CEO stood up and waled over to Jo.

 

“Jo.  I think you’ve given us a good idea of what Ecocentric has to offer.  But now, if I may, I want to question you”

 

“Fire away”

 

“So… I’ve heard about the paperless office for years, is it really possible”

 

“The idea isn’t to get rid of paper.  its to make sure you onlyuse papoer when its the best solution – and to avoid you having to move vast quantities of paper around, or to store vast quantities of paper”

 

“But paper last for hundreds of years.  Computers – well, computers crash”

 

“You know.  i would have said the same thing.  But today I was in an accident.  Jo looked down at  the coffeee stainign her blouse, and there was a general murmering of laughter amongst the assembled board.  “I was reading a newspaper at the time.  The paper was ruined, unreadable.  But the coffee also got into my laptoip.  It took time for me to repair it, but here we are now, you’re seeing my presentation – with absolutely no coffee stains.  Now,…” Jo was on fire, the board were eating it up “if i wanted to know what was in the newspaper, I could get another copy.  they make thousands of copies every day – but if I wanted a apaer from 10 years ago,m I would have to head over to a libaray with a huge archive – despite the fact paper is copied, copies vanish because the costs of storage are huge – financially anfd ecologically.  With data, liek my presentation, storage space is negligable – and you can keep many copies on many different continents if need be.  All avail;able through ecocentric at the touch of a button, or the flick of a switch.  If we had had ecocentric available in this office – on your computers, I would have been able to get my presentation back in almost no time”

 

“So can we trust ecocentric.  You’re a small company – how do we know you’ll last”

 

“Really, who can you trust?  There are two types of people, Mr <add CEO name here>:  there are people who desparately want to be part of something bigger than they are, and there are people who want to go it alone.  You might think the people who go it alone do that becasue they don’t trust anybody.  thats not the case – they trust themselves – and they realise that they are uniquely able to adapt to changing situations.  The people who like to be part of something bigger – they don’t adapt – they stay paralysed by a lack of any need to move.  They stay wrapped up in a comfort zone, no adaptation needed.  And then one day, when a big problem – a problem noone has ever seen before arises, noone knows how to handle it – noone knows how to stand on their own two feet.  Ganeltement, ecocentric knows how to stand on its own two feet.  It knows how to stuggle.  And it knows who its customers are.  Ecocentric will  be fighting to keep you happy because ti wants to be a success – and ecocentric can only be a success if it solves every problem you have to the best of its ability.  Would you put your trust in a company that puts its trust in hundreds of other people – hundreds of falibal people, hundreds of weak links in the chain, or would you rather put your trust in someone who is prepared to prove themselves time and time again – and someone who isn’t afraid to change if what they are doing stops working.

 

I’m not saying that small is better.  im saying: don’t trust us – but work with us.  And trust that we need to work with you, so you’ll be getting the best we can possibly give you.”

“That, Miss Vickers, is a highly impressive answer.  And I’m inclined to agree.  You talk good talk, and Clause, Clause was babbling on about your technical ability.  Now Miss Vickers, you’re in marketing, not tech, right”

 

“Absolutely”

 

“But you seem to know more about technology than anybody in thei room.  I’m guessing that holds true for the rest of your company?”

 

“Well – they all know more than me.  Some of the things they know…”

 

“I’m sure.  I think we can start a trial of Ecocentric as soon as you can get some of you guys here to install it”

 

“You mean”

 

“I think we have a deal, Miss Vickers.”

 

A deal…  Jo had achived a deal.  She had sold a system.  On her own.  Without support.  Without help.  Just jo.  It was new feeling. Jo walked out of the boardroom with a grin on her face, through the waiting room, where the arrogant man still sat.  he looked up at her, fuming under his breath.  Jo shot him a bright smile and carried on her way.  No longer walking on the offices rich blue carpet, but rather on a cloud forged from success, and endorphins.

 

Claud hurried after her.

 

“Jo…”

 

“Claude?”

 

“Before you leave”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I was wondering if you had thought any more about”

 

“Cluade.  thankyou.  I’m flattered.  I don’t know… well, I don’t know what I’m doing any more.  I think I just need to pause.  To get back to london.  Think things through.  I think that this time I’m going to have to make a rational decision.  I’ve let my heart win in the past and thats just left me with trouble”

 

“You, Miss Vickers, are an incredibly smart woman.  Whichever choice you make its sure to be the right one.  I just hope…”

 

“Thanksyou Claude.  I’ll call you”

 

“You bet!”

 

***

 

Fortesque Square.  Where it all started.  Jo looked over at the fountain.  This was meant to be her triumphant return.  This was ment to be where the champage corks poped and everyone celebrated their first customer – their first huge success.  This was emant to be the time when everybody praised jo, and Jo look looked down sheepishly and said she couldn’t have done it without all you guys – while knowing dseep down that this was all due to her, and enjoying the adulation.  But today was going ot be nothing like that. The fountain was empty now.  It was only a fe months ago that Jo had been sitting there whena stranger approached her and handed her a card – how much things had changed in the last few days  A few days ago she didn’t know who he was, then he was Ric the IT guy who left postits, t he was Ric,,t he talented and sensual lover with a mysterious past.  Then he was Wittker – the man that everybody thought they knew – and that almost knowone knew as well as Jo.  And then… then he was Wittiker, dancing with Leanna, and never returning.  Wittike Holmes ahd been responsible for abandoning her twice.  Twice, in favour of Leanna.

 

Jo let her gaze drift over towards the cognitex building.  She looked up at hits hight – somewhere up there, she thought, Ric is sitting n his office, probably with leanna, thinking about what had occured, and not even questioning how hurt I might be.  And Leanna, well, leanna is proibably just being impossibly thin and impossibly happy that she has got back her man.

 

She let her gaze dripf down, past the flor on which she worked, and towards the lobby – towards Bob the doorman, and towards the entrance hall which always displayed the big corporate branding pop-ups.

 

Her gaze passed away, then shot back as she took in the pop ups… they were… they were very familiar.

 

jo ran over towards the Cognitex builidng

 

“Cognitex – because without it computers will hate you”

That was…

 

that was Jo’s slogan.

 

It was all very familiar.  Not quite Jo’s work, but all drawn from her notes, all drawn from the documents that she was going to pitch to Leanna.

 

So – not content with getting rid of Jo and stealing her man, Leanna also wanted to steal Jo’s work.

 

Jo had half a mind to walk in there and compllain.  Make a fuss.  Demand to see someone.  but what would happen, if she was successful?  Jo would get to talk to who – to Leanna?  That would probably end badly.  To seeRic – that would never happen -and if it did, well, Jo wouldn’t be able to see him anyway, not behind the tears.  Not yet.

 

What would Ric do, Jo thought to herself.  He wouldn’t be defeated by something like this.  He knew that just after your rivals had defeated you was exactly the right time to turn things to his advantage.  Was there a way that Jo could learn from all this, a way she could come out a winner.

 

Gradually a smile grew across her face, and jo turned and walked towards theEcocentric building.  This time – this time Jo would showeveryone just what it was she could do.

 

***

 

“Gav?”

 

jo peaked around thew door into Gav’s office.  Gav was sitting behind the computer screen, trying ot avoid Jo’s glance

 

“the traveller returns.  It wen’t well?”

 

“In some ways”

 

Gav sat in slience.  Jo waited for him the speak, but Gav said nothing

 

“not even a well done?”

 

“jo.  I feel really bad about asking you…”

 

“About Claude?”

 

“yes. Sorry”

 

“no need.  Claude was fantastic”

 

Gave breathed a sigh of relief.  He looked up, looked at Jos face.  Jo was averting her eyes too.  And she had lost her sparkle

 

“jo.  Whats wrong”

 

“Ric”

 

“Ric?”

 

“Witticker fucking bloddy Homes”

 

“Ric.  Right.”

 

“Tell me Gav.  I’m right, arn’t I.  This is Ric’s company right?”

 

“Well, technically, according to the articles of association”

 

“Gav?”

 

“Well.  Deep down.  If you ignore the leagalese, then, yes”

 

“So that  had somewhere to go after the breakup with leanna”

 

“Yes”

 

“And its a good technology”

 

“It is a fantastic technology.”

 

“it works”

 

“It does indeed work”

 

“So I did nothing wrong in convincing Baker and Baker to buy it”

 

“Nothing at all.  Jo I was really very impressed”

 

“That isn’t the problem”

 

“Then what is it Jo.  Talk to me”

 

“I can’t work here any more”

 

“you can’t work here any more?  Jo?  You’re doing amazingly.  You’ve turned this company around – seriusly, we had a great product before you got hewre, but we didn’t know who we are.  You’ve sorted thet.  You’ve single handedly turned ecocentric into a business – stopped it just being a technology.  jo.  We need you”

 

“And by ‘We’ ultimately you mean Ric”

 

“Jo.  I need you”

 

“Thats sweet gav.  Really.  I appreciate it.  Biut in the end it’s ric who benefits”

 

“ric will benefit a lot”

 

“Then, I’m afraid I’m going ot have to hand in my notice.”

 

“Well.  Look.  If there is ever anything I can do for you…”

 

“Yes. Next time you see Ric, tell him that I really thought I could love him – and after seeing him at that ball, I think I would prefer it if he was dead”

 

“well, he’s been rather off the radar for the last few days – I guess he’s settling up some of the legal issues>  but when he gets back”

 

“When he gets back, you can tell hin to turn right round and go to Hell.”

 

“I will.  Jo – nothing i can say to change your mind?”

 

“No. But I’ll call you in a few weeks.  Let you know whats going on”

 

Jo  spun on a heel and left the office.  She hummed as the lift slowly took her down to the entrance lobby, and grinned as she walked out into Fortesque suare.  Here seems as fitting as anywhere, Jo thought as she sat down by the fountain and looked out at thesky scrapers surrounding it.  Cognitex and Ecocentric, what a year.  She pulled her phone out of her pocket andpulled up a number.  She hit dial and waited forit to be answered.

 

“Claude.  Its Jo.  Listen – that offer you made me:  well, i have an offer of my own… you might want to fly me back out to new york so I can make it in person”

 

***

 

Ric opened his eyes.  At first things were unclear.  The light was bright, certainly and he had a feeling that he had seen this before.  Looking to his left he noticed a bedside table, bedecked with a glass bowl containing an apple, some oranges and far too many grapes.To his right, the floor was covered with bunches of flowers.  It began to come back to him.  First, the mugging – which had been rather civilised to begin with, then the pain and the realisation that he had been shot.  Finally, the darkness, the heat and then the fleeting glimpes of conciousness as he opened his eyes and tryed to understand exactly what was happening.  Each time his eyes opend for longer and he learned more and more about what had been happeneing around him.

 

The room was empty, but chairs showed that there had been visitors who had obviously waited for a while.  A coat hung from one – a winter coat, so not too much time could have passed.  But the room felt oddly unseasonal.  The windowlarge picture window let the paitent see nothing but the sky (which was coudy with little flecks of blue), and the bright lights hid exactly how much sunlight we being let in.  Ric could only really that that it was daytime by the fact the curtains were opened.

 

He was feeling stronger, but still knew nothing of what had happened.  he tried to stand up, get out of thew bed, but his arms were feeble, and unable to lift him from his prone position.  A door opened a crack and a man entered.  Ric tired to focus on his face.  Gav?

 

“Ric?  Are you awake?”

 

“Gav”

 

“shh, Ric, be quiet.  You’re in hospital.  You don’t have to do anything”

 

“I was mugged”

 

“Tey say you were shot – that you were lucky to be alive.  Had the bullet gone an inch further to the left, you woudl have died”

 

Ric tried to struggle, to move and find out what had happened.  He wanted to grab Gav by the shoulders and shake him until everything that had happened came out.  But he couldn’t summon up the energy.  It was going to be a long, slow, procress, the gradual recovery.

 

“One questionGav.  What Date is it?”

 

“Its early february, Ric.  You’ve been out for a couple of months”

 

***

 

“How is he”

 

“Hes doing fine.  I’m glad you could make it.”

 

“Of course I could.  When I heard what had happened…”

 

“Yeah”

 

“Look.  He’s stilla bit fragile.  I’ll go in and talk to him.  He’s been asking about you.  And I couldn’t tell him.  Not reall.  Not without you to explain”

 

“What?”

 

“Just let me speak.  I’ll call you when you can come in”

 

Ric pushed the door to Rics room open.  Jo waited outside.  She pressed her ear against the beige plastic coating of the door and listened in

 

“Jo told me to give you a, um, message”

 

“she did?”

 

“She um said, she hoped you died, and um that you would be beteer off in hell”

 

Jo’s face dropped, she burst into the room.  “Gav!”

 

Ric was sitting up in bed, and the pair were laughing.

 

“she did, did she?” Ric asked, looking pointedly at Jo

 

“I..err.. weell.. to be fair, you had just been dancing with Leanna.  And then not comback to the hotel.”

 

“Because I was in hospital.  In surgery.  On the edge f death”

 

“If you hadn’t been, I might have been inclined to do the shooting myself”

 

“Yes.  It wasn’t my finest moment, I’ll grant you.”

 

“Some old friend, you were goign t see”

 

“Now there  have to stop you JO.  Now, iassume by know that gav has told you that I am Witticker Holmes.  It wasn’t my finest moment deceiving you about my identity, but you seemed to hate me – or some image of me so veremently that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you who  really was.  I’m sorry for the deceipt.  I was totaly honest about who I was visiting:  It was senator friedmann – who was indeed an old friend of mine”

 

“Was?”

 

“Yes was.  He managed to arrange to get you and I to new york.  And he invited me to a ball, I couldn’t very well say no.  Unfrotunately, it seems that it was his idea of a joke to invite Leanna Cavel too”

 

“You’re ex wife!”

 

“My ex-what? Good god no.  Leanna isn’t and never has been my wife”

 

“Ex girlfirned then”

 

“That is, unfortunately, true”  But it was a very long time ago

 

“But yopu danced with her at the ball”

 

“Leanna is a very… complicated lady.  She likes to be seen as being in control.  When I left her, she was never quite able to admit it – admit that I had seen through her carefully polished exterior.  She saw it as a weakness, a flaw.  So she asked me not to mention it.  And she took advantage of the fact I was trying to avoid and more society – takign up invitations to parties on my behalf.  It was conveneient, so for the past eight years, I let it go.  We were seen together, occasionally, at events I really had to attend, but there has been no more to it than that.  Frankly, if I could avoid that odious witch,t hen by god I would”

 

“Thenwhy do you employ her.  Why keep her around”

 

“Because Leanna Cavel, is the daughter of Frank Cavel.  When I started cognitex I needed funds to grow it – I think I may have told you some of this stry before.  The man I turned to was a friend of my fathers – Frank Cavel.  Frank was the ideal silent partnet, he just sat back and let me got on with the process of building the business.  The only concession I made was o employ his Daughter, Leanna.  And it wasn’t much of a concession we we both young, and she was beautiful, if you like that whole ice-amiden – and, back then, I very much did.  She got a job and we started dating.  It lasted just long enough for Frank to die.  She had a hard time with the death, and our relationship ran its natural course – I had come to see that below the surface she was a spiteful bitch… although also a superb marketing executive – she had an eye for flair.  But there lay the problem – Frank owned just under half of the company – and he left it all to Leanna.  Leanna has accumulated her own shares in the course of her employment.  All told, it meant leanna owned more of Cognitex than I did.  I had lost my company – and there was no way I would be able to sack h.  Leanna didn’t want to be CEO – in fact she realised it was very important to the cognitex berand that I was seen to be running the business – and when she saw the results I was delivering, she realised it made financial sense too.  So she was happy to head a world leadig companie’s marketing department and leave the rest to me.”

 

“So the lawyers”

 

“I’ve wanted to sort this out – but Leanna knew the company could still grow with me at the helm.  Given the chance, I would have sold my stake and walked away years ago – but Leanna promised, if I stuck with the company and raised its share price beyond a certain level, she would sell me back control.  We were trying to sort things out, when I had a fantastic idea for a new product – the technology that underlies ecocentric – it would revolutionise computing the way cognitex did back in the day.  But I didn’t want Leanna getting her hands on her share – or worse spinning it off into a company that she controlled before she handed cognitex back to me.  I was stuck – if I didn’t move now the technology would go nowhere.  If I did, then I might lose it all together.  This was worse than anythign else Leanna had cost me – losing control of the company – that I could take, but not being able to take my ideas and develop them – not being able to express myself the way that came naturally – that was worse than being dead.

 

Gave was my saviour.  Gav found me when I was at my lowest ebb, and between us we hatched an idea.  We set up another company to develop ecocentric – all in Gav’s name.  If I was seen to be workign there, if I was seen to be at all involved, it would be the end – I would have broken my contract with Leanna and the company would revert to her.  So Gav slowly but surely built Ecocentric up, while I tried to get Congnitex back under by control.  And every so often I went over and gave the ecocentric guys a hand – but only in the dead of night when Leanna wouldn’t be around asking questions”

 

“Which is why you only ever fixed things in the evenings”

 

“Exactly.  If leanna had ever known what IU was doing”

 

“It would have all been over.”

 

“But things were worse.  Leanna had been watching you.  You were a threat to her.  She knew your ideas were good – they made you stand out from the crowd.  In a department that she wanted to rule with an iron fist, She couldn’t keep you around – especially as your ideas didnt quite fit in with hers.  So when I sent down a cross-the-board cost sutting initiative, she chose to get rid of the person who had been drawing attention to her.  Once you were out, Leanna continued to keep an eye on you.  Your work was good, and she didn’t want one of our competitors snapping you up.  So she was surpised, and intrigued when you joined Ecocentri – she hadn’t heard about them, and wanted to find out what this new startup was up to.  She even suggested top me that I look into aquiring them.  Unfrotunately, I haD TOLD HER THAT IT MADE NO SENSE – that there was nothing in ecocentric we couldn’t develop ourselves.  Which woud mean that if she actuaslly saw me with you – fratenising with anyone from ecocentric, she might smell a rat, and start looking more closely.  Had she found out before she signed the company over to me, we would be dead in the water – and I would lose everything.”

 

“And now”

 

“While we were in new york, the lawyers were finalising things.  My vanishing upset Leanna, she thought I was playing a game, but when she found out I was in hospital, see signed her side of the papers and I signed mine.  I’m back in control of Cognitex.  At least, I’m as much in control as I can be lying here”

 

“and you couldn’t tell me”

 

“jo.  i don’t do relationships.  You are the second woman I’ve felt anything for in my life.  Ands I wanted to tell you – I was on my way to tell you when, when I was hsot.  But I’ve had BAd luck before.  Knowone coudl know – well, noone except Gav… until you.”

 

Jo bowed her head

 

“But I’ve got somethign to ask you, jo” Ric continued ” I hear you’re not with ecocentric any more.  And my spies tell me yopu’ve been seen working for Baker and Baker on their publicity”

 

Jo looked up sheepishly

 

“And that you’ve been seen around and about with Claude White”

 

“I can expl…”

 

You don’t have to.  I behaved abominably.  I should have told you the truth fromt the start.  I was as bad as Leanna.  Worse.  And Claude is a good man.  If he makes you happy…”

 

“No.  I can explain aboutBaker and Baker.  They offered me a Job – and Claude offered me more – a shoulder to cry on and arms to hug me.  But in the colde light of day, looking at the fountain on Fortesque square I realised what you had said to me that day was right”

 

“What I said to you”

 

“That I shoudl go it alone.  So I called Claude and I told him that I would be honoured to work for Baker and Baker – so long as they employed me on a consultancy basis.  And as for his offer of a relationship – I told him I was looking for friendship and nothing more -that I felt like going it alone for a while”

 

“In which case, Jo, I’ve got to tell you that I gt it wrong”

 

“Pardon”

 

“Going alone.  I’ve tried it for too long, and its got me nowhere.  It was only when I trusted Gav that I was able to get myself back on my feet.  I didn’t want to be paert of Cognitex any more, but I couldn’t possibly have done it on my own.  Then when I tried to go alone with you – to avoid lettign you into my life and my problems, I l;ost you.  Jo.  Belive in youself.  Realise that you are being held back when other people don’t belive in you as much as you do.  but never, never, go it alone when you have the choice – when you have the opportunity to go with someone who loves you – or who might love you.  Like Claude”

 

“Like Claude?”

 

“Liek Claude.  Or Like me”

 

Jo’s face blossed into a smile.  He red lips reached up towards her brown sparkling eyes.

 

“I’m glad you think like taht Ric, because I could never go it alone any more.  There is going to be a part of you in me for a long time to come.  In here”  Jo pointed to her abdomen

 

“Don’t you mean in here” Ric asked, pointing towards his heart

 

“No”.  Jo opened her coat and let it fall to the flor.  “In here” she indicated her stomach, where Ric could see a bump emerging from above the top of her elasticated waistband.

 

“So would you consider working on this project together?”

 

“A partnership”

 

“or perhaps a merger”

 

Jo waled over to Ric and hugged him tightly.  This was right  This was forever.  “Ric winced at the pain when Jo tocuhed his scar.  But it was a pain he wanted to fewel, wanted to endure, becuase he too wanted tis embrace, this union, to last for ever and beyond.  His past was behind him, the lies were washed away and a new begining was gestating – a new life.  A family.  He would never be able to go it alone again, nor would he ever want to.

 

One of my hobbies, and indeed one of my learned skills (as opposed to inherent strengths) is public speaking.  At some point I got it into my head that if an introvert like me could learn to speak, so, perhaps, could all introverts.  This book became a manifesto both for how to speak well in public, but also how introverts can use the skills that come more naturally to them to be considered a great speaker and communicator by their colleagues.  My intention was to try publishing this via LeanPub, getting feedback and improving it as I went.  This explains the formatting (it’s all in markdown).  But I never quite got around to finishing the copy editing. This book was originally written as a series of articles, and there amy well still be artifacts of this somewhere in the text that need to be taken out.

I’m still planning on doing something with this.  I recently flipped the switch so you can go to LeanPub and buy a copy for your kindle – and get any future improvements for free.

# Public Speaking For Quiet People

Public Speaking is a skill which I believe makes fantastic use of introvert’s hidden talents – and which allows introverts the opportunity to sell themselves, their needs and their ideas on their own terms.

As an introvert I know things are not always that easy. This book will address the problems – internal and external – that introverts face. It will cover common problems (such as fear and shyness). It will provide an action plan for someone who has never given a presentation before. And it will guide you step by step towards success – not just in public speaking, but in living a life which you, as an introvert, enjoy. Unlike some other attempts to help introverts this is not about learning how to act like an extravert, it is about making the most of the skills that you, an introvert, find the most enjoyable and rewarding – the things you are best at. And it will show you, with just a little thought and planning, you can use them to win the game the extraverts play, without stressing, tiring, or being untrue to yourself.

#Are You An Introvert? – Am I An Introvert?

There seems to be a standard definition of what makes someone an introvert “You are an introvert if socialising drains you of energy, and an extravert (or extrovert) if socialising gives you energy”

The way they test if you are introverted or extroverted tends to be along the lines of asking you if a number of statements like “I have a small group of close friends” are true or false. The more you answer true, the more of an introvert you are.

This doesn’t work for me.

First off, a confession, hell, a declaration: “I am an introvert”

I am an introvert. If you give me one of those introvert tests, I score as highly as it is possible to score. I’m a class A certified introvert.

And yet, on occasion, I am lonely. I crave company. the thought of not seeing anyone drives me insane. Also, I love public speaking – and I hardly ever have stage fright.

Am I an outlier? Is there a reason those tests don’t work for me?

No. I’m an introvert. Its just that the tests are testing behaviours – the ways that many introverts learn to act. It isn’t testing anything innate about an individuals introversion. Everyone is different, and I happen to have mastered the art of public speaking – mastered it in a way which takes advantage of all of my learned introvert behaviours. There is nothing about introversion which means you can’t speak in public!

And when do I find myself lonely? Its when I’ve had no company for a particularly long time. When I’m finding myself falling out of my regularly scheduled social engagements because too much of my time is being taken up with something else.

What this means to me is that – on very rare occasions – I can be an extravert.

The question isn’t ‘Are you, or are you not an introvert?’, the questions are ‘Are you an introvert at the moment? Right now, does the idea of meeting new people fill you with dread or excitement?’ and ‘If you are frequently an introvert, has this affected your behaviour? Do you frequently act in ways which avoid excessive social interaction to maintain your energy?’

The idea of an introvert is a stereotype. We think of thin, pale, people who hide away indoors, in libraries, generally away from all the fun. And there are introverts who fit this stereotype – but there are many who do not. It is like the difference between asking ‘Am I a man?’, which is a question about a fact, something which can be examined and given a definite answer, and asking ‘Am I manly? Am I masculine?’ – a question of whether you fit into a particular cultural stereotype.

There is no shame in being an introvert. It is merely a statement of how, right now, you work best. Once you know you are an introvert, you can begin to question how to use this knowledge to achieve your potential in an extroverted world.

# The Extravert World

It’s a busy world outside. We take crowded public transport: overflowing tube trains, bulging busses full of iPhoning executives and chattering school kids. Walking down the street, dodging the hen parties and tourists, you spot someone talking to himself – not a sign of insanity, just a mobile bluetooth head set. Everyone is talking. And they want you to be part of the conversation.

They are suspicious of you if you decline. What exactly are you hiding?

It’s tiring, isn’t it?

It’s an extravert world. There are more extraverts than introverts according to most studies, and even if there weren’t, extraverts tend to shout louder, they tend to get noticed. And herein lies the problem: getting noticed. Getting noticed is the key to success, and introverts, naturally, tend to shy away from the spotlight. They know that the more they put themselves forwards, the more people will ask them to put themselves forwards, and the more energy they will keep having to spend. They also know if they put themselves forwards, they face the possibility of criticism and rejection. The extravert world views criticism and rejection as somebody else’s opinion – there are always more people to love. But the introvert takes it to heart and holds on to it deep inside. And dealing with criticism – that too is draining.

Perhaps the introvert, in his quest to get noticed decides to excel – in the office or classroom. Surely people will notice the quality of his work? Perhaps. But the schoolroom, and the workplace are domains created to make the best out of the majority – the extraverts. Gone are the days of rows of desks and working in silence. Gone are individual offices with doors which can shut, and the peaceful solitude they offer. Now we have group working, brainstorming, meeting after meeting after meeting. And we have the open plan office where the introvert can never retreat fully into his own mind, because there is always an extravert about to walk up behind him and ask another unimportant question.

It doesn’t matter that introverts may be known for being able to produce better work (they are). It doesn’t matter that open plan offices are known to be huge productivity killers (they are). What matters is that the extraverts are in charge – they are making the decisions: decisions which suit them.

The extravert doesn’t really understand the introvert. when the introvert shys away from having to talk to someone, the extravert becomes suspicious – what is the introvert trying to hide? When the introvert looks for solitude, the extravert suspects them of skiving off and leaving the work for everybody else. The extravert can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to work with other people – unless you were clearly inferior to them. Indeed, the thought of being alone for too long to an extravert is akin to a death sentence. The extravert likes the open plan office, because the alternative, silence and solitude, is terrifying to him – and the extravert believes everyone else agrees.

Introverts scare extroverts. The most damning thing said when a neighbour turns out to be a serial killer is “He was very quiet. He always kept himself to himself”. Even introverts are taught from birth than introversion is wrong, and can be overcome. Dale Carnigie’s “How to Make Friends and Influence People” has been the surefire way to success for the best part of a century. Introverts have been trying to make themselves heard. They’ve been trying to act like extraverts.

And they’ve been failing. Because acting like an extravert is tiring. Eventually you burn out, give up, and return to the peace and quiet of the library.

There must be another way.

# The Introvert Mind

To understand what it is that makes us introvert’s tick (and run away screaming from extraverts), we need to look at what goes on inside the introvert’s mind.

Introverts are more easily stimulated by external stimuli than extraverts. This isn’t just about people, talking, or loud noises – this is about everything. If you put a drop of lemon juice on 100 people’s tongues, and measure how much saliva is produced – those people producing the most will be introverts. Even the stimuli of lemon juice on the tongue stimulates an introvert more than an extravert.

We can see it in babies too. Some babies are placid and content, whereas others are easily agitated – scared by almost everything around them. Those louder, more agitated babies are the ones most likely to grow up to be introverted. The reason is the same – it seems they are more stimulated by the environment than their extraverted brethren, and react more strongly to it.

So if babies predict our introversion, it it something we are born with, an inescapable fate of genetics? The answer is a definite maybe. Studies on twins have shown that about half our chance of being introverted in inherited from our parents, whereas the other half comes from our environment growing up. It would seem that we inherit not introversion, but a proclivity towards it, and that even a child born from an extraverted line may, in the right circumstances, discover their inner introvert as they grow up.

The stimuli most introverts face is fear. Fear is your essential reaction to whenever something happens that you don’t expect. A slight, passing, fear, perhaps, but enough to make you weary or startled. This can be when a car passes you on the street, when a stranger talks to you, when you hear an unfamiliar piece of music.

The introvert’s mind reacts to the stimuli of other people with an emotional response akin to fear.

The introvert’s brain has to manage this fear. We don’t all go along each day jumping out of our skin at each and every thing that happens to us (though, I’m sure the most introverted amongst us – myself included – have days when everything that happens just seems to be too much, and we would really rather roll up into a ball and hope the world goes away). Its the job of the brain to make all of this bearable – to take away these negative responses and manage them.

The brain does this by learning – the more familiar he situation, the more times the brain has handled similar experiences without suffering, the more we are able to let them pass. In effect it uses a low level of something akin to willpower be able to say to the initial reaction of fear -albeit subconsciously – “Thanks but no thanks”. But even this is slightly tiring.

Moreover, we still experience lots of new unknowns in our lives. Things we have not yet become used to.

Take social interactions, for example – they are inherently unpredictable. People have a habit of doing different things each time you meet them. They’re annoying like that. So people are setting our fear alert’s buzzing, and its our brain’s job to quieten itself down again. Now some introverts – those who have had a lot of social experience – may do a good job of drowning out the fear buzzer. but others – especially those who may have had less pleasant social experiences in their youth, may not drown the fear buzzer so much. And they will begin to consciously find the more difficult of social situations (meeting new people, for example) actively unpleasant. They need to consciously expend willpower to get through. These introverts are drained of energy far faster.

This is why introverts (who still crave some human interaction), tend to have smaller groups of friends – and closer friends. Introverts build up strong bonds of trust with a few people – all of whom act reliably and predictably. Their social interactions within this group are far less of a drain and introverts are able enjoy this form of socialising more.

But there is more to an introvert than this. The introvert, knowing the difficulty of interacting with other people, learns techniques that help him to manage this. Specifically the introvert learns a method to avoid frequent failure: Abstract Thought. Fearing rejection – or whatever sort of pain the introvert has learned to associate with the feelings their fear buzzer raises – the introvert becomes a planning machine. When thoughts arise in the introvert’s mind, the introvert examines them, and looks them over to see if any of the thoughts may have particular merit. They seek out any flaws in their intended actions. Only having looked at a thought from all sides does the introvert feel happy with it, does it become particularly real to him. At this point, the introvert is willing to express his thought to others.

This leads to problems socially. In conversations, introverts will often have to hold back as they fully absorb and take in the ideas that other people are throwing about. To the extravert, it might look like the introvert is not playing his part, is sitting on the sidelines, perhaps not even understanding what is going on. Either way, the introvert may appear arrogant, rude or stupid. However, in the introvert’s mind, he is engaging fully. Not with the people, but with the ideas. Give an introvert time, and, when he has finished incubating them, the ideas he comes up with are likely to be fully formed and ready to be used.

Throughout this book, I have made the assumption that extraverts don’t realise that introverts are different and think in a whole different way from them – but from talking to introverts, I find that introverts also don’t understand the difference in how extraverts interact with the world.

# The Extravert Mind

To understand the extravert, first consider, that if they have a something like a fear buzzer that rings somewhere deep in their brain when there is a new and potentially dangerous situation, it doesn’t sound as loudly as it does in the introvert’s. As such, the extravert spends less concentration, less mental energy, suppressing its sound.

So the extravert has more energy to do more things, and fewer warning signs blaring inside his mind telling him to stop.

Whereas the introvert toddler might worry about venturing forth into a noisy playgroup full of unfamiliar children dashing about, screaming, and clattering their strange, alien, toys, the extrovert simply walks into the middle of the chaos, grabs something that looks appealing (or perhaps later on in life, in a noisy nightclub, grabs someone who looks appealing) and begins to play, a big smile beaming on his face.

Sometimes the extravert gets themselves into trouble – but without the warning sign of a fear buzzer to create a commonality, there is less chance of the extravert noticing a pattern. Sure, the extravert might realise not to touch the hot stove, having done it once, but this doesn’t stop them from reaching out to grab a biscuit later on. The extravert learns from the results of his actions – not from calculating what responses those actions are going to have.

The extravert has far less motivation to learn to play with ideas before trying them out. While the introvert lives in the world of his ideas, and occasionally putting the best of those ideas into practice in the real world, the extravert has no patience with this. He wants things to happen now, and quickly, as much and as often as possible, to fulfil his need for more and more stimulation. So the extravert sets out to try often, and to fail often. The extravert learns, not through planning, but through watching the results of his actions, and repeating those that work.

This is also true in social situations – while the introvert is trying to figure out the best idea in order to say it, and be right, the extravert says the first thing that comes to his mind, and then, by watching the responses of the crowd modifies his responses until he finds something which sounds right both to him and to the outside world.

When the introvert thinks, he has many ideas, and constantly refines and rejects them until he has crafted the perfect diamond. The one true real idea. the idea that is worthy of being spoken. When the extravert thinks, his ideas are not realised – don’t have meaning or value to him – until they have been shared – until he knows not only what he thinks of it, but also what the world thinks.

I once (rather uncharitably – but nevertheless with a modicum of truth) put it “The introvert finishes thinking before he talks. The extravert talks before he finishes thinking”

If the curse of the introvert is overstimulation, the curse of the extravert is understimulation – and of loneliness. Introverts know that – despite everything – they require some stimulation – it is quite possible for an introvert to back of from society too fully, and to be left craving some quantity of attention. Now consider the extravert – someone who is stimulated far less by the ordinary world. Someone who needs people to fully enjoy the fruits of their own mind. for an extravert solitude isn’t a break – its a prison sentence.

And so, the extravert, being the more active and more risk taking type of person – not to mention the majority, has built a world which provides the stimulation they need. It isn’t a deliberate attack on the introvert but rather, it’s a genuine desire to create a world where people are stimulated, able to think, talk and enjoy life.

Just as extraverts need to understand that introverts need their time and space to function, introverts need to understand that the world, as it is: extroverted and a little too loud, suits the minds of the majority perfectly. For all its flaws, the majority are unaware there is even a problem, because for them, there is no problem at all.

# How Introverts Can Speak Up

It is – for introverts – an unfortunate fact that the world is oriented towards extraverts. There is no getting away from this. It is unlikely to change, no matter how hard we wish, if only because the thought of introverts all wanting to gather together in the same place and mount a noisy protest is bordering on the laughable.

Moreover, the world is fundamentally social. Success, in whatever form, relies on us convincing others to do things for us – even if all we want to convince them to do is leave us alone to be quiet. As introverts we all have much to offer: we are abuzz with ideas, we think deeper, are able to concentrate harder for longer, and notice details which extraverts consider unimportant. Introverts are responsible for many of the great works of art, of literature, of science and of technology. It is no exaggeration to say that without introverts the modern world would be a much different, and far less advanced place. Nevertheless for an introvert’s ideas to be valued to others, they have to be communicated.

Communication is difficult. Perhaps the ideal form of communication for an introvert is writing. Writing is a solitary activity, a creative activity, something that takes time and dedication and relies on all the skills which introverts exhibit in droves. However, reading your writing is also a fundamentally solitary activity – and an activity which introverts enjoy far more than their extrovert brethren. There are many reasons to write – and indeed writing can change the world. But if you want to be heard by extroverts, by the majority of people in the world, by the people who can hear your ideas and work together with others to make them happen you have to do something else: you have to speak up. You have to be heard.

Talking is difficult. We’ve examined why before: talking is putting yourself into a situation, which for introverts continually raises their sense of danger. Conversations are unpredictable. You never know what people are going to say, or when they’ll say it. There is little or no time to prepare answers, because talking requires quick, often unconsidered responses. And for many introverts, because socialising has these problems, there has been no incentive to learn these skills at any point in their lives. Less time has been spent in conversation. So even an introvert who is prepared to put himself into a conversation situation and go with whatever blows may follow is likely to be a less able performer than an extrovert.

We introverts need a different approach.

This is where public speaking comes in. At first it may seem to be an abhorrent idea to the introvert – lets take something you don’t like, talking, and put you on display doing it in front of a large crowd. But as this book aims to show, public speaking will play to all your strengths as an introvert – it will make you look like a socially skilled extrovert (which is important to establish status in the extravert world), it will let you communicate your ideas, and it will establish you not just as a great thinker, but as a thought leader.

The secret is that public speaking is a skill. It can be learned. And most people are so unskilled at public speaking, that with only a little knowledge – just what you get from reading the contents of this book – and a little practice, you will be a better speaker than most of your colleagues. By comparison with your peers, your presentations – and your ideas – will outshine the others.

# Introverts Have A Head Start When It Comes To Public Speaking

Imagine two people, each are due to give an important presentation in a day’s time. One is an introvert, the other an extravert.

The extravert looks forward to the presentation – he enjoys talking, and meeting with the crowd of people afterwards is something he loves. He likes to be the centre of attention, and by being the presenter can be sure that there will be a throng ready to engage with him and discuss the ideas they have – related, or unrelated, it doesn’t matter.

The introvert would really rather the presentation was over. She knows that she is good at presenting, but also understands that the room is going to contain quite a lot of people – people she might like to talk to, on occasion, in one two one chats, perhaps. But handling them all at once is something she would rather avoid.

One of these people is happy right now. And it isn’t the extravert.

Prior to a presentation, everyone needs to prepare. Introverts know this. Extraverts – if they don’t know this, soon find it out after one or two of their presentations are received with warm indifference. And so in the days and hours prior to a presentation both the introvert and extravert have to put the presentation together. This combines determining both what they are going to say and how they are going to say it, and then putting together a slide deck – or other presentation materials – with sufficient pizzazz to wow the crowd.

Writing is a solitary activity.

When the introvert and the extravert set out to prepare their presentations, they both have very different strategies. The introvert can take themselves away to a quiet room, and begin the process of honing their ideas – first shaping ideas in their heads, then getting them down onto paper, and finally building a presentation around them that they are happy meets all of their goals. They can do all of this alone, without needing any assistance (Assuming they know – or have access to – all the information necessary for the presentation). Moreover, this is the sort of environment where an introvert thrives – reading, researching, creating and constructing ideas and texts alone.

The extravert stumbles at the beginning: what should the presentation be about? The first thought is to ask someone else – but if they are busy, then the extravert has to push on alone. He will have ideas – many of them will be good ideas, but there is a nagging doubt at the back of his mind “What will other people think of this?”. The extravert finds this uncertainty uncomfortable. Just as the presence of people drains the introvert, the extravert is drained by the incompleteness he feels without external approval. Eventually, the lack of stimulation is too much for the extravert, and he is forced to leave his preparation to go out to talk to somebody. To talk to anybody. This process repeats, with the extravert less and less wanting to return to his office to carry on with the planning. Eventually, he breaks down – hammers out a rough idea and says “Thats good enough – I’m good at talking, I can wing it from here”

As the introvert passes by the extravert’s office, she sees him leaving with the boys for the office football game. It doesn’t look like there is a problem in the world bothering him – indeed, there isn’t, he is back in his own domain: with people. Tomorrow’s presentation will be however it turns out to be. The introvert knows, however, exactly how her presentation will be. She can’t be sure of the outcome, but she is prepared. Totally prepared. She has followed a set of rules she discovered years ago, and has developed for herself ever since. She knows they work, and she knows why they work.

There may be a crowd of people tomorrow, but they don’t faze her. She is prepared. This is no longer down to her social skills, but to how good her preparation has been.

For the introvert presenter, there is nothing more important than preparation – it lets you put together all the hard parts of communication without anybody looking at you. It lets you shape ideas in your own time and your own space. When you spend as much time as you can on the preparation, the presentation will take care of itself. Indeed, some introverts, myself included, now find extraverts coming to them asking for help with presentation preparation, because the extraverts know that the introvert can give them a finished product better than they could construct on their own. Meanwhile it is the introvert gets to be the thought leader – and to do the sort of work that they – and indeed that I – love the most.

To prepare the perfect presentation, I generally follow a system which I have developed as a result of years of researching the subject, watching others present and experimenting in both my presentations – and the presentations I have written on behalf of extraverts. In the following pages, I will describe my system, and explain why it works so well for me.

# Finding Your Message

What is your presentation about?

I don’t mean the title.

I don’t mean a brief summary.

I don’t even mean “Why did your boss ask you to give this presentation”

What I mean is “What do you want to get out of the presentation?”

What you want to get out of the presentation is often vastly different from why you’ve been asked to give it. For instance, maybe you’ve been asked to give the presentation because you’re the only person who knows about the new grommet ordering system. That’s fine. I’m sure your boss is really keen to get everybody on board with the new system.

But perhaps you have a different aim. You may not care that much about grommet ordering. But perhaps you want to give the presentation because you want to be noticed, or because you want people to see you as someone who can have ideas that work – or someone who can see a difficult project through to completion.

When it comes to presentations, there are always three aims you need to consider:

What do you hope to get out of giving the presentation?

What does the person asking you to speak hope to get out of you giving the presentation?

What does the audience hope to get out of listening to your presentation?

Allow me let you into a secret. In almost all cases, what the audience want is to be entertained. Sure, the audience may think they want to know the information conveyed in your presentation – hell, you might think they _need_ to know the information – but if its a boring presentation, the majority won’t remember or act on it anyway. So when it comes to setting the message for the presentation, I urge you not to consider your audience . Most of constructing a presentation comes down to thinking about your audiences needs, and how to keep them on board, however this first step is about you.

What the person asking for the presentation wants is more complicated. Often people asking for presentations have a number of motives – sometimes they genuinely want you to share information, but other times they want to put their team on show, or even just fill a space in a schedule. You might be able to guess their true desire, you might not. But what is important is that they set the theme for your presentation – no matter how much you want to get the message out “Look how wonderful I am” or “Promote me” or “Send me on that sales trip to Hawaii”, you have to wrap the message up inside the question they set. So listen to what you are asked to present about – use this to inspire your title, and even the things you are going to choose to talk about, but unless your desires align entirely with the person asking you to speak, make sure your message is at the heart – and the conclusion of what you are going to say.

What you hope to get out of giving the presentation is the real message. This is what we are going to be working on throughout the rest of this book. So sit down and ask yourself the following question: ‘What really motivates me to want to stand up in front of a crowd of people and tell them about something? What do I hope or dream will come out of this?’

It may be your presentation is to sell something other than yourself: maybe you have an idea to sell, perhaps you can think of a change in how your workplace works that will make your life easier. Maybe you even have a product to sell (and the benefit is the commission you’ll get from selling it). In any case, think about what it is you really want your audience to do. And remember: while there might be one hundred people sitting in the room listening to you, sometimes the number of people who can make the change you want is much smaller. They are the people you want to take away your message when they leave the room.

Right now, before you move on, answer these questions:

Why were you asked to give this presentation?

Why to people think they are coming to your presentation? What do they expect to get out of it?

What do you really, deep down, want people to do once they have heard your presentation?

The final answer is your message. This is the one thing you want people to take away from your presentation (if you think you have more than one message, try again. get it down to one, most important thing that you – not someone listening to you or someone paying you – wants to get some of the people listening to do as a result of the presentation?)

Now you have your message, you need to get people to want to listen to it, and take it onboard.

# Making Your Message Memorable

Once you have determined the message you wish your presentation to convey, everything else is about getting people to listen to the message, remember it and act on it.

Lets try an experiment – think back for a moment about the ten best lessons you had at school, or college. The really memorable ones. The ones that stuck with you for life. Perhaps you might want to write down a list of the lessons what you learned, why you remember them. Now think back to ten films you enjoyed. Don’t just think of recent films, think of films you watched as a child. Remember who the key characters were. Think about the plot. Was there message that the film was trying to convey?

I bet, unless you happen to absolutely hate the cinema (in which case, think about ten books that you love and try again) that you found it easier to remember ten films, in quite a lot of detail, than you did to remember 10 lectures or lessons. I’m also willing to bet that the ten lectures or lessons you remembered were absolutely outstanding for one reason or other, whereas some of the ten films might have been fairly run of the mill. Odds on, you have probably spent more of your life in lectures and lessons than you have in the cinema. You had far more lecture or lessons than films to choose from.

So why was it easier to remember the films?

The answer is simple: film makers put all of their effort into grabbing you and pulling you into the film, keeping hold of your interest, and taking you with them all the way to the conclusion. Films are expensive to make. If a movie maker loses his audiences’ attention before the big finish – if they start drifting off, or worse, walking out – then he has made a very expensive mistake.

The Hollywood studios try to avoid expensive mistakes (please ignore Waterworld. So they follow tried and trusted rules which keep hold of your attention. These are rules which you can choose to apply to your presentations – they are rules which, if you follow this framework, you will find easy to apply to almost any subject.

There is nothing new about these rules. In fact, thats sort of the point. The rules I’m going to teach you have been used for thousands of years – six thousand at least – all the way back to the first story ever known to have been written down (The Epic of Gilgamesh). Because the rules are the rules which have underlaid storytelling throughout recorded human history.

Lots of people have tried to work out what the rules of a good story are. We’re going to follow the same rules that the Hollywood studios use. For these rules, we go back to a historian and anthropologist, Joseph Campbell. Campbell specialised in the study of myths and legends. By collecting a vast range of myths and legends from cultures all over the world, Campbell tried to tease out the common characteristics of each story – the thing he described as the Meta-Myth. Campbell’s work became famous. But it wasn’t Campbell who convinced Hollywood. For that we need to look at another studio executive – Christopher Vogel. Vogel was a fan of Campbell’s, and noticed that the meta-myth which Campbell identified wasn’t just there in the ancient stories of cultures gone. The same structures were present in the films which were topping the box office charts. Moreover, Vogel noticed that many of the films which were failing to do as well were missing some of the key elements that Campbell had identified. Vogel realised he didn’t just have an interesting pan-cultural anthropological theory on his hands, he also had a blueprint for box office success. He wrote a memo about it, which quickly became widely circulated amongst the Hollywood studios, and which you can see influencing much of modern cinema.

Joseph Campbell published his meta-myth theory in his book “The Hero’s Journey”

Christopher Vogel extended his memo into a screenwriting book “The Writer’s Journey”

Both books are well worth reading.

But you don’t need to read them in order to improve your presentation preparation skills. In the articles which follow, I shall be describing how to use a simplified version of the meta-myth story structure to take the dry facts, figures and calls to action and turn them into a story. To turn them into something which will worm its way into your listener’s minds, and stay with them long after they leave your presentation.

# Lets Start At The End

When I write a story, I always like to start at the ending. Starting by deciding where you will finish means that, for the rest of your writing, you have something to aim at. You know where you are going. You know if you are going off track and have to reign yourself back. So right now, lets come up with the conclusion.

We want to achieve three things from the conclusion:

1. We want to inspire people. We want people to leave your presentation thinking that they have a chance of making a difference by doing the things you say. If people aren’t inspired to give your ideas a go, then all you’ve done is shower them with some facts which, gradually, over time, they will learn to ignore.

2. We want to tell people exactly what to do next. This is the call to action. We do it because people are dumb. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. but if you don’t actually spell out to people how they can put your ideas into motion, quite often they won’t be prepared to think of ways of applying them for themselves. So you have to give them one example of something you want them to do.

3. We want to satisfy people. Have you ever watched a film which finishes and you’re left thinking ‘but that plot point never came up again’ or ‘Will they get back together, it’s unclear’. You leave the cinema feeling as if something is missing. And when you look back on the film, you don’t tend to regard it as a fulfilling experience – you’re more inclined to dismiss it. The same is true of any story – even the story you’re going to be telling in your presentation.

To pick your conclusion you need to look back at your message. Your message and your conclusion are tightly related, but they are not always the same thing. Lets say you have been asked to give a speech entitled “What Our Local Cats Home Does For the Community”, it is quite possible, depending on who you are, and who you know your audience are, you might settle on any one of many possible messages – for example, here are three

Message 1: “I’m good at presentations – I should speak at the next international conference”

Message 2: “I led a complicated project which was hugely successful”

Message 3: “I want you to sign up to give our charity 10 pounds a month”

Now let’s take the subject, and the message, and try to come up with a conclusion.

For Message 1, the conclusion happens when the crowd give you a standing ovation. When the audience respond to your story. When they have been thoroughly entertained. The conclusion needs to be a twist – something which surprises and delights the audience. Something with a bit of showmanship. Thinking of a cats home, my first though would be that, if you had earlier in the story described rescuing a badly treated cat – shown pictures of a flea ridden cat on deaths door – perhaps even described how your home kept on looking after the cat, even though it looked certain it was going to die, then a big ending would be to arrange to have someone bring the, now healthy, cat onto the stage. This is unexpected, adorably cute, and satisfyingly ties up a story, which the audience might have otherwise expected to be unfinished or unhappy, with a very happy ending. That the cat is healthy (along with the other good deeds you have discussed) is inspiring. Moreover, it makes you look so much better than the previous presented with 50 powerpoint slides and no adorable kitten. Your call to action here isn’t in the presentation – it’s in the conversation you have with your boss (or whoever decides who speaks at the international conference) when you ask them if they enjoyed your presentation – and if they did, if they think there might be more opportunities for you to talk elsewhere?

For Message 2, you will have been describing a particular project in a lot of detail. A project that had a conclusion which you were intimately involved in. So as you tell your story, you want to insure it features you, there, at the very end, enjoying the success. If the end can be right there, on the stage, in front of everybody (“The current figure – which I took from our computer this morning – is that we have inoculated 239 cats – thats 20% more inoculations than we set out to achieve. But we can do more – we’ve understood the problems and overcome them, and now we know how to go back and do this better”) Then emphasise all the complications that you overcame again. The call to action is for people to believe you led this to success – ending on success achieves this. The success story provides satisfaction, and again, the good work is inspiring, but not so much as the knowledge that it can be done better and simpler.

Message 3 is simpler. Message three has a straight forward call to action. But even in message three, notice that the subject “What we do in the community” is not the same as the call to action “Give us your money”. So I would look at your story as being a sob story – a story of all the things that could be done – if only we had the money. When you start from here, your conclusion can be big and strong “There are all of these things we could do, if only we had some money. We do have some money – we have a number of generous donors – and we’ve managed to use it to home 900 cats, and to treat another 800 unwell cats. But there is so much more that, right now we are unable to do. We are making a difference to the cats in your community, but we need your help. 10 pounds a month with save 12 cats a year. So I’m offering you the change to help us now. Bill and Mary will be wandering around the room to sign you up to help save a cat – no wait – twelve cat’s lives.” The call to action is obvious. The fact we are achieving so much on so little is inspiring. And the fact we are overcoming many of our problems, and that you can be a part of a happier ending is satisfying.

You’ll see that, in coming to the conclusion, we have already had to figure out the first steps of how we will reach it. So far, we haven’t added much detail, and there is a lot of scope to change our plan. Only our ending is firm.

# Turning Your Facts into a Story

As you prepare your presentation, you are probably aware of a list of facts you want to convey to the audience. You are also, probably very aware that these facts don’t look much like a story. How they’ll help you build up to a big conclusion, the sort of conclusion we talked about previously, probably seems very unclear.

So lets start by describing what a story is. What I’m going to described is shamelessly adapted from the works of Campbell and Vogel, however its a simplified version – a version I’ve developed for the purpose of using as a backbone for presentations. Time and time again, whenever I’m stuck for how to present some information, I return to this backbone and it always provides me with the tools I need to create a story that works.

Every story starts with a hero (or heroine). A character that the story focuses on.

The hero starts off in the ordinary world. A story is as much about the world the hero is in as it is about the hero himself, so its important to describe the world.

The hero sets out for adventure. There is a call to action which is too big for him to refuse.

The hero faces a number of challenging situations. The hero may also meet a number of friends and associates who are going to aid him on his journey.

As the hero keeps bumping into more and more challenges, things seem insurmountable. The hero reaches a point where it seems all is lost.

But the hero isn’t just a man, he is a hero. He triumphs over the problems and returns home, to the ordinary world.

But the ordinary world has been changed by the hero’s actions.

[In my simplification of the meta-myth, we have left out several parts of the story structure which movies and novel normally employ. For example, in a Movie, the hero usually rejects the initial call to action, and has to be given an even stronger call before he accepts. Similarly, in a movie, there is usually a mentor figure who guides the hero through his early struggles. I've found these characteristics are hard to weave into a presentation, and don't seem to add much. So, unless there is an obvious counterpoint in the reality the story is based upon, I tend to ignore them. You may wish to consider them when you've got the hang of using the basic model I provide]

# But I Don’t Have A Hero?

Its quite possible, as you look at your presentation about this quarter’s results in the widget folding industries of south east somewhere-or-other that you don’t see an obvious hero jumping out at you. perhaps, you think, my presentation will work without there being a hero?

In my experience, every story needs a hero. And you can always find a hero for any story you wish to tell.

I’m going to describe the three most common ways to find heroes that you can use to build a presentation around:

1. Pick someone real. Some presentations have a character at their heart; they are about a particular person. If they are not about a particular person, they might be about a particular department or organisation – in which case, you can use a real person (the founder, perhaps) to represent the organisation. Instead of telling us that ‘Flumph Food Inc.’ changed their marketing strategy, tell us about how ‘F. F. Flumph, food fanatic and self made millionaire founder of Flumph Food’ decided that the marketing strategy needed to be changed – how he changed it and why it worked.

2: If you can’t pick someone real, pick someone fictional (So, for example, it turns out that I invented F. F. Flumph when I wrote the last paragraph). A large number of presentations seem to be about problems someone faces, and what we are doing to fix them. The problems might be wide ranging – immigration, animal cruelty, usability (or lack of usability) of computer software, inducting new people into your organisation, selling refrigerated cooling devices to the inuit people of northern America, ensuring you meet high standards of political correctness in constructing examples. But in each case those problems are happening to someone. Lets go through the problems again, but lets look at the fictional characters who might be facing them

Mihai is a Romanian computer programmer, coming to the UK because of the increased employment opportunities and higher pay in his field. He is legally entitled to do this, and will be paying well above the average amount of tax for a UK worker, yet he faces discrimination for “Coming over here and taking our jobs”

Buck is a Yorkshire terrier. He used to have a happy family – but when he noticed that one of the older humans stopped going out of the house every day, and instead sat at home watching TV, things began to get worse. Soon Buck found he was getting less and less food. Then one day, Buck was taken outside, his owner removed Buck’s collar, and then he was left alone, in a strange place that Buck didn’t know. Now Buck has to search through bins to try to find food.

Mavis used to always keep up with technology. But doesn’t it move so fast these days. her grandkids all have these new computers, and Mavis’s kids suggested that Mavis might want to get one herself so that she can keep in touch with them while they are at university. Now Mavis has a new computer tablet. But she doesn’t know what to do with it, and frankly she is a bit scared that she might catch a virus from it.

Sam is a new starter at BigCo. It’s his first day, and fresh out of college Sam is a bit intimidated. Especially since no-one appears to be expecting him. He has a piece of paper which says he should report to his manager ‘Jim’, but Jim doesn’t even seem to be in the office today.

Aipaloovik is tired by the challenges of living a traditional life in the modern world. Moreover he has a lot of trouble when it comes to replacing his old, malfunctioning fridge. It isn’t that people won’t sell one to him – but he lives in a reasonably remote area, and the difficulty in transporting the fridge and installing it generally makes such a purchase expensive and complicated.

Ben – the absolutely fictional and not at all related to a real author of this book – author made a two pronged joke around the idea of selling fridges to eskimos and political correctness. He then backed himself into a corner when he realised he had to come up with convincing story characters for potential presentations. Luckily inuit names are easily discovered thanks to the magic of Google (he hopes he hasn’t offended anyone by his own lack of cultural knowledge) and his own recent issues with getting a fridge to his house made him suspect that the problems that the inuit face are probably more mundane than we might imagine.

3: Use Yourself. Sometimes its just very hard to come up with a convincing fictional character, and there isn’t an obvious person to hang a story onto. In these cases, you’re generally missing one person. You. You’re the person who has researched all the things in the presentation – you are also the person who has done all the work. Instead of telling us about the work, tell us the story of what happened to you while you were doing the work, or while you were researching it. For some really good examples of this, watch how Al Gore tells about how he found out about global warning, in An Inconvenient Truth – and watch ‘Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure’ for a funnier approach, which, nevertheless puts him as the star.

# Giving Your Presentation A Mythic Structure

The mythic structure I described earlier is all about your hero meeting greater and greater challenges and overcoming them until, eventually, he meets his greatest challenge, defeats it, and returns home to the better world that he has created.

You already know what the better world is – it is the world of your conclusion. The world in which you show you have already achieved all of your goals, and are a success, or the world where you are inspiring others to go out and change the world. This is your destination.

You have already established who your hero is – it is the person who is facing the challenges.

The ordinary world – the place where the hero begins his story is the world that you want to change. It’s a place of uncertainty. And a place where, if you stay, everything stays the same – or potentially gets worse. This is where you begin to tell your tale.

Let’s imagine, for example, that I was going to give a presentation discussing the new release of a software product to a group of salesmen. I know that my message is “we’ve done all this hard work to make your lives easier”. I know my conclusion is going to be “it’s so much easier to sell this software now – so go out there and sell more of it”. I know my hero – in this story – is going to be a fictional salesman character that I’m creating, one who is going to be facing all the problems with selling the last version of our software. So what is my ordinary world?

In this case, the ordinary world is where the salesman goes to meet his customer. It’s still a place where he doesn’t quite know what he is going to face. He is prepared, but he knows that there are some imperfections in the software he is going to sell, and he is worried the customer might ask him about them, because that is where he could potentially lose the deal. He psyches himself up, raises his chin, puts on his best smile and walks through his customer’s office door.

Now, we need to move on to the challenges the hero faces.

Think of all the points you wish to convey in your presentation. They might be about how your product is better than the last version – or better than the competition. They may be about how a set of processes improves performance. They may be about news laws and the impact on a charity. in short, these are the things that, in a traditional powerpoint presentation, would be written on slides as bullet points.

Stop

Do not write them on the slides as bullet points.

That is exactly what this presentation technique is trying to avoid.

No one remembers bullet points. Everyone remembers stories.

But consider your list of points. Each point describes either:

* Something you want someone to do – or know

or

* Something that has (or is going to) change, and its impact

or

* Facts which supports one of the above

We can ignore the supporting facts for now: we’ll use them when we come to tell our story. Instead let’s consider the other types of point on your list, and consider how to turn them into challenges for your hero:

###Something you want someone to do, or to know.

If you want someone to do something, or you want someone to know something, then there is a reason why you want this. And specifically there has to be a benefit for the person you want to change. Or a cost if they don’t change.

We can show this, in our story, by setting our hero a challenge. For example, consider our salesman from earlier: one thing I want him to change is the way he sells our product. I want him to sell, not just the product, but our full range of consultancy services too. So I want to set up a challenge where, if he sells the consultancy product, he would benefit. Perhaps something like : “The customer looks at the brochure and says ‘I’m not sure. This all seems very complicated. I don’t think a small company like ours would be able to work out where to begin integrating it’. The benefit is clear: if the salesman sells consultancy services, he is more likely to win the deal. If the salesman doesn’t sell the consultancy services he has more, and harder, work to do in order to win (and his commission is probably smaller to boot)

###Something that has changed (or is about to change)

Is there something external to the person in question (a law, the economic climate, a customer’s product – even our salesman’s companies product, since the salesman in not involved in determining its features) that has changed – or is about to change? If so, then the challenge you need to add to your story is a challenge in which the hero’s behaviour has to change as a result of the new situation.

Let’s say I want to get the salesman to know that we redesigned some of the windows and buttons in our software and that the new version is now easier to use than our competition’s. For this, I might want to show the challenge of selling the old software to someone used to the competitor’s system.

By translating each of the points you listed above into a challenge, you should now have a list of challenges for your hero to face.

Now order them. There are two things to consider when ordering the challenges. The first is to try to order them by size. Make each challenge bigger. The second is that you are trying to lead up to your conclusion.

Between your chalenges and your conclusion are two parts of the story. The point of biggest failure – when all seems lost, and the victory and return home. The point where all seems lost is the largest challenge – the challenge that, without following the message contained in the conclusion, your heros will never succeed. So for our salesman, the conclusion is “The new software will make your lives easier”. So the challenge needs to show the salesman’s life being really difficult. Because we want to show it being difficult, it is probably best that for this challenge, and all those challenges preceding them, he has been trying to sell the old version of the product. Maybe at the critical moment, where is customer is about to turn him down we have his boss calling up to ask how the pitch is going, and a text come in from his wife asking if she can book the family vacation he promised if he got a good bonus from the sale.

The victory, is then about the path between this impossibly bad situation and the conclusion. In my example, I might have the boss ask “You did explain about all the features in the new version of the product?” And then have the salesman explain all the new features to the customer. The features that solve all the problems.

You now have a structure. But before we move onto the tricks of storytelling which will turn it into a presentation, there is one more point I would like to make: When your hero faces each of the challenges you have set, he should not succeed – or at least not succeed in the best possible way. In each of the challenges I give my salesman, the way an ideal salesman would succeed is by saying “The new version of the product has that feature. Aren’t we brilliant?” – however, the way our salesman succeeds will be by bluster and just about getting the customer to stay in the same room… in short, every challenge is got past, but failed until we get to the point where all is lost.

# Storytelling Techniques For Public Speakers : The Three Rules Of Three

Once you have a structure for your story, its time to start refining exactly how you are going to tell it. Again, we can learn from the vast history of oral tradition and storytelling the techniques which make speeches easy for the speaker to remember and easy for the audience to take in. the first set of techniques I’mm going to pass on, I have come to call the three rules of three.

Three is a magic number. Give someone two things, and they are unlikely to see the pattern – or at least the pattern you want them to see. Give them four things and there is too much to take in – something will be forgotton – there is space for bordom. No, three is where its at, which it comes to storytelling. Thats why there were three bears. And three wishes. And three men in a boat.

You can use this to your advantage

Rule 1: the first rule of three is repetition, repetition, repetition. If you want something to stick in the mind say it three times. Three? Yes three. Tony Blair – the former british prime minister – got elected with his soundbite stressing the importance of “Education education education” (he then proceeded to introduce university fees.). When you want to make a point, if you can repeat that pont another two times, you cam make it memorable, memorable memorable. Of course you don’t alway have to say the same words to make ideas stick. You can use different words and get good results. Varied words, making the same point, work just as well.

Rule 2: Make the third thing different. This is what I consider to be the goldilocks rule. Or the englishman, irishman, scotsman rule (another rule of three based joke – this is why the welsh are always removed from this particular branch of humour). This rule is people come to expect you to say things in threes. They expect you to say the same thing three times. But saying something different the third time is totally unexpected.

“Sarah was a good mother. She did everything she could for her children. She made them breakfast before school. She listened to them read every evening. And she sent them to bed early so they didn’t hear her sobbing about how she had given up the freedom of being childless every evening”

Note that the second rule of three works well with the first rule of three. breaking the story above down into 3 sections, morning, afternoon and evening gives people a pattern they can follow – a pattern they expect to repeat. But then making the first two things things we expect every good mother to do, but the third to be a question as to whether sarah really ever wanted to be a mother adds an extra element of shock. Which grabs the attention of the audience, and elicits an emotional reaction.

Rule 3: If you have some points to make, consider making 3 of them. People are good with threes, so if you have some number of points to make about a subject – some number of things you want the audience to do after the presentation, some number of reasons to back up a statement, some number of new rules to be introduced, try to make there be three things. (in particular this is a very handy tip when it comes to making impromptu speeches in meetings, start by saying something like “This is a really good idea for three reasons,” then come up with three things to say about why its a great idea. It will put you on the spot, but it will lodge your support in your audiences mind, and you’ll find they usually give you time to finish making all three points – which is good, because in meetings people judge how useful you are not by the quality of your ideas, but by how long you talk for)

Is it surprising there are three rules of three. Could I have come up with more? Possibly. but with three of them, you’ll remember them and put them into use when constructing your speech.

# “But My Content Is Boring…”

Its possible you’re thinking about your presentation and as far as you can tell, what you’ve got to say is boring. At this point, may I suggest you go back and check that

You know the message you want your audience to take home?

You have identified a conclusion?

You’ve found (or invented a person) to be your hero?

You’ve found some challenges for your hero to come across?

If so, then you probably already have a presentation which is less boring than most. Don’t worry about it being boring – work through the rest of these articles on presentations, and you’ll be fine.

The people remaining, who think their presentation is boring tend to be people who haven’t identified a hero. Lets look at why this happens:

“My presentation is all about facts and figures”

Let me tell you something: No one cares about facts and figures. Firstly, people don’t really understand numbers (thats why whenever the news talks about sizes and distances, they always say things like “An area of rainforest the size of belgium” or “a depth equal to 500 double decker busses” or “enough soup to fill 10 olympic swimming pools”). Secondly, even when people understand the size of the numbers you are talking about, they don’t care about the numbers, they care about what the numbers mean.

So if you’re reporting a 10% growth in profits, don’t just say that – tell people how much of a bonus they’ll be taking home – or, even better, tell people the stories about the key things that made this growth in profits happen. If you’re talking about domestic violence, don’t tell us the number of women who suffer it – tell us how likely it is that someone suffering from domestic violence lives in our street. And tell us the story of what someone can do about it.

Everything becomes interesting when you can build a story about it, and when you can help people relate to what you’re saying.

If your content is boring, pick a hero. Any hero. Pick someone affected by these numbers, or someone who was responsible for finding the numbers. Tell us how they did it. Teach us something we don’t know.

# How To Write A Presentation

Everyone has their own way of writing presentations, you’ve just seen the start of my process. Now I’m going to take you through what I do next. The following stages differ for different people, my suggestion is to follow my ideas the first time you have to prepare a presentation, and then, if you find something isn’t working for you, play around with it, try something different, mix it up and identify your own style.

The first thing I do is come up with a structure. Its the structure we’ve already seen. Its a pathway through the presentation from the beginning through to the end. The pathway guides a hero, overcoming challenges, leading the hero (and the audience) to the conclusion.

Now, I begin to think. I have the framework of a story, but not yet the full picture. I mull it about a bit – does anything jump out at me. Are there any ideas that I need to highlight, or group together. Am I always moving towards my conclusion? This can be done in the back of your mind, as your driving. It can be done alone in your office – or alone in a bathroom cubicle. Its a quiet, solitary time of playing with ideas – the sort of thing introverts are born to do. Don’t skimp on this – this is where you -as an introvert – are going to be at your best. It should be a recharging cathartic time of building mental palaces – then knocking them down and rebuilding them until you have everythign organised in your mind.

The next thing I do is write a first draft of the presentation. I start from scratch, remembering to cover each point – each challenge – each scene in turn. Right now its about getting something on paper (or in my case, generally something on the screen of a word processor). It doesn’t have to be perfect – indeed, one of the secrets of m system is it never has to be perfect. All you’re trying to do is make sure that each scene flows into the next, and that you have everything written down.

This is the time, by the way, to reinsert some of that supporting information you pulled off your list of bullet points. Now, when your hero is facing a challenge, you can quote some of those facts and figures, throw in some of that trivia, to make sure your audience are as informed about the hero’s world as they can be.

When you’ve got to the end, reread what you’ve written.

Are there any phrases you particularly like? highlight them.

Are there any phrases you think you could say better? rewrite them.

Are your facts and figures couched in ways that mean your audience can relate to them, and understand what they really mean?

Are there any places you can take advantage of storytelling techniques such as one of the three rules of three?

Now I’ve done this, I read through again, and I find each point that I’ve written – each important thing i have to say, and I note it down as a bullet point. I also note down any great turns of phrase – ways I want to say things on stage. Eventually I’m left with a list of buller points – these are my speakers notes – this is my presentation. these notes are what I’ll try to learn, and what I’ll use to jog my memory when I want to know where to go next.

This is the point where my presentation is written. From here on in, its all about the practice and the performance.

# The Presentation Handout

There is a problem with presentations. Sometimes you just have to get across large numbers of facts or figures. Sometimes you want people to take away ten idea or ten rules so badly it seems that you just have to put them on a bullet pointed list. Those web links, or books you want people to remember – they too have to be written down so that people can find them hours or days after the presentation.

The solution – for most people – is the slide deck. Put your data on the slides, and people can copy down the details. You might actually decide to make the slides available to your audience for later perusal. This is not my solution.

I will be addressing the horrors of the slide deck later. For now, it suffices to say that no hollywood movie tells you the plot by use of bullet points and clip art. And there is no need – or reason to tell your story this way. I will also remind you that the job of your presentation is to get your message across. And every time people are distracted from the message – by stopping to note down things they see on slides, for instance – you are losing your chance to convey the message as effectively as possible. You are losing the audiences attention. And you are probably losing the audience.

My solution is the handout.

Early on in your presentation pick up a handful of handouts and wave them at the audience. Tell them you’ve put down all the key points – and a few you won’t get to – in the handout. Tell them that every web address, email address and reference is in the handout. And tell them that you’ll distribute it after the talk.

After? Yes. if you hand out the handout during the talk, you’ll find your audience reading it, rather than listening to you. And if you could best convey your presentation by having it read, what are you doing on stage – a round robin email would have done the job.

So what goes in the handout?

My suggestion is that you take your presentation bullet points – the ones you wrote down in order to generate the challenges for your presentation’s hero and put them on paper. Then elaborate on them to make the handout readable.

the advantage of the handout is, unlike the presentation, it doesn’t need to tell a story. It’s a reference document and a reminder. Quite possibly its main job isn’t even to convey information, but rather to stop your audience from note talking. It can be dry and uninteresting. Stick to the facts. Add in all the information, and lists you think you need.

If you’ve cut any bullet points out of your presentation – because they didn’t fit into the story, or because you didn’t feel you had enough time to squeeze everything in – they can be put in the handout.

Add any diagrams you may need. Graphs. Flowcharts. Though you can probably avoid clip art.

Ensure you include your name and your email address – after all, this is still a self publicity document. Some people will use it for reference, and if you want those people to get in touch, they have to have the means to contact you – and to remember who you are if they only get around to taking action on your presentation weeks or months after you have presented it.

The handout isn’t meant to be high quality work. We are not talking about a book here. It isn’t meant to be a magazine article or a convincing essay. If it contains enough information to be better than most people’s notes, it has more than served its purpose. And if it avoids people contacting you to ask for information you have already given them in the presentation, you may well find it saves you some energy later on too.

# I’m Too Shy To Speak In Public

Not all introverts are shy. Not all shy people are introverts. Introversion is the feeling of being drained by being around people. It is an oversensitivity to stimulation. Being shy is a fear. It can be a fear of the judgement of others, or a fear of the judgement of yourself. But it is a fear – a fear which can be crippling, and which can prevent people from standing up and speaking.

I don’t claim I can cure everyone of shyness. But I do claim that some people are able to get over their shyness and speak with confidence and aplomb.

Shyness is a common problem for introverts. There can be many reasons why an introvert may – or may not – be shy, and several are worth examining:

We know from studies of twins that introversion is about 50% genetic, and about 50% environmental. Which is to say we know that, while you may be predisposed to being an introvert, something in your upbringing may well lead you into full blown introversion. Alternatively, you may not be genetically predisposed to introversion – but something in your upbringing may have so great an effect that you find yourself preferring peace and quiet to high stimulation environments. In both these cases, something external is required to tell the young, still developing, you that stimulation needs to be hidden from. A large number – if not all introverts are a product of their environment, and such environmental factors may not only lead to a need to retreat from the world occasionally, but also lead to a fear of engaging with it.

Introverts, as they grow up, will naturally attempt to spend less time in social situations than extroverts. The more introverted you are, the less time you are able to spend socially without becoming exhausted. Many introverts opt to spend their spare time doing something other than socialising. And what this means is that while introverts are busy reading, thinking, and growing their interior lives, extroverts are practising their social and relationship skills. Even by the time a child begins school, it is likely that an extrovert will be much more practised at making friends than an introvert. The learned behaviours in these early days can last a lifetime.

The extravert world itself can also play a part in making the introvert feel small and unworthy. Extroverts shout their ideas out loud, whereas introverts tend to hone their ideas quietly, then express them softly. Introverts ideas can be drowned out, or dismissed by a domineering extrovert crowd. An already shy introvert may feel rejected – or lacking in value. Such reinforcement (which can occur over and over, not just in the workplace, but in other worlds such as teenage relationships and social and religious groupings) can link speaking up witha whole range of other internal fears.

No. It is no surprise that many introverts are shy.

However, for many, shyness is something you can conquer, especially once you know what it is you are dealing with.

It is fair to say “I am an introvert”. It seems introversion is a key part of our personality makeup. It is unlikely to change. To say “I am shy” is, however, not entirely a reasonable statement. Shyness is not something you are, it is something you feel, a reaction to a particular circumstance.

There are many times in your life that you are confident.

Almost no one (over the age of 4) says “I am too shy to walk”. For the physically able, walking is something we all do with confidence. No-one is too shy to breath, or too shy to blink. The idea of not being confient in your ability to blink sounds faintly ridiculous. So you are not shy about everything you do. You are shy about very particular things. This is a powerful lesson – you are not shy. Rather shyness is something you sometimes experience.

With that shift in understanding, shyness – and the particular times you experience it – becomes something you can handle.

Before we go on, I want to remind you that overcoming shyness for an introvert can be a powerful change – but while it will open many doors, it does not remove the fact that for an introvert socialising is tiring. Overcoming shyness will, at times, take some amount of will power – this too is tiring. It is unwise to try tos overcome all of your shyness by willpower at once. People are tiring, you are just setting yourself up for failure. Keep very much in tune with your energy levels – only push when you have a lot of energy. Continue to make use of quiet times to recharge – indeed, if you want to be more social, you need to get better at looking out for opportunities to rechange, and to take more of them.

[As the articles on public speaking grow, I will be adding more information about overcoming shyness - look at the sidebar, and come back over the next few days to find out more]

# Shyness – Rational and Irrational Fears

When it comes to fears, the fears we hold deep inside us, we need to distinguish between two types.

We have the rational fears – the fears of real, possible consequences – the fears of genuine danger. A person with a fear of heights would never jump off a high cliff: in this case, his fear is real, such a jump would be hugely dangerous. A person with a fear of spiders has less of a rational fear… while there are dangerous spiders in the world, for the most part they are few and far between, and once you have identified a spider as being – rationally – harmless, any remaining fear is irrational.

Irrational fears are no less real. They affect us physically, make us jump or quake, sweat or shiver. I’m not saying that irrational fears are bad fears – fears that it should be in any way embarrassing to have. Everybody has irrational fears. They are normal, and perfectly acceptable. However in approaching irrational fears we need to take a different tactic from approaching the rational.

Shyness is a complaint which crosses the boundary between the irrational and rational. The bullied schoolchild might be perfectly rational in is fear of talking to a classmate – not just fear, but experience might suggest it never ends well. A bullied office employee might feel the same about their manager. However, what may have once been rational arguments have, over time, turned into irrational patterns of behaviour. That many people fear public speaking more than they fear death is clearly irrational. Uncontrollable shaking before speaking – the sort of shaking which might, perhaps be rational before a parachute jump – is clearly not a rational – or particularly helpful response.

To begin with, lets deal with the rational fears of public speaking. In short they all amount to one big issue: the idea that in front of someone (or a group of people) who are able to play an influential part in your future life, you might perform in such a way as to make those people want to influence your future negatively. You may also worry about worrying about this – which is essentially what embarrassment is. And you may worry about receiving criticism – in short you may worry that your speaking may lead them to act in such a way as to trigger your fear of rejection. (Both embarrassment and fear of rejection are also a combination of the rational and irrational – you can approach those, and indeed other fears by following the processes I will be providing in this and future articles)

There are a few ways you can manage yourself – or your situation – to rid yourself of all these rational fears.

1. You can choose to speak in a safe environment. Not all public speaking needs to be in a dangerous situation. It is possible to take small steps in a far friendlier setting – public speaking courses, public speaking self help groups and organisations like Toastmasters International all offer this sort of chance.

2. You can realise that to produce an impressive presentation, you don’t need to be great, you only need to look good by comparison. If you prepare well, and use the techniques I am offering, you will be a better speaker than the majority of your competition. Reasonably simple techniques – techniques like moving around the stage and not saying ‘err’, which we will discuss later – will make you look exceptionally good at speaking.

3. You can test your environment to see how dangerous it actually is. Ask a few people who have been in the situation what usually happens. To be honest, the most common complaint of someone who gives a presentation is not that it had a negative impact, but that it had no impact at all. By asking around (and by all means do this by email, if you don’t feel you can manage it face to face), you may realise the danger of the situation is far less than you imagined.

4. Ask yourself ‘What is the worst that can happen? The absolute worst? How bad could ti possibly be?’ Than ask yourself, how hard would it be to actually cause that sort of result. Them become more realistic. What is a realistic worst outcome? Is that likely? What would you do in that situation? How bad would that situation really be? How long would it take to get over it and back to normal? Then ask yourself ‘What is the best, most amazing outcome of giving this presentation?’ Is it worth taking the opportunity?

None of this matters if you still have irrational fears. Irrational fears can’t be reasoned with.

The way to handle irrational fears that I have found effective are:

Control your energy. If you are tired, stressed, angry, or over socialised, you won’t be in a good situation to face your fear head on. So make sure you are able to be in a good place before facing the challenge. Meditate. Listen to motivational tapes. Do whatever you need.

Practice, practice, practice. Join a speaking group. Become a member of Toastmasters. Every time you can speak in a place you know is safe, no matter how much it scares you, you will be teaching yourself that you can face an audience. Repeated exposure to your fear – and repeatedly overcoming it in a supportive atmosphere will do wonders for when you need to face it in the real world.

Prepare. Learn your presentation word for word. While I generally don’t recommend repeating your presentation off pat, if you’re worried, make sure you know it. Bring notes with you – bring the whole presentation written out if you really need too. Being prepared provides a sense of confidence, a sense of control. As you get experience in public speaking, you will learn that you are far more in control than you might expect. But for now, the control preparation gives you will act as a reliable safety blanket as you take to the stage.

Mindfulness. What was once a far eastern practice, is now a well established psychological practice. Mindfulness involves getting to know your fear. Feel where your fear is in your body – think about what that feeling of fear is in your mind. Pay attention to it, keep observing it, thinking how interesting it is your body feels this way. Don’t stop watching it. Don’t do anything else. Don’t try to get rid of it, don’t try to control it. Just notice that it is there, and keep watching it. Anything you observe for tool long becomes boring – you’ll be shocked at how much this helps you take control of your fear – so long as you don’t get frustrated at the fear for remaining. Love your fear – it is only your mind trying to protect you. Thank it. And if it goes – when it goes, just let it go.

# 4 Reasons To Be Confident About Your Presentation

As you prepare to go up to the stage, it is good to reflect on the reasons you have to be confident that your presentation is likely to succeed and impress its message upon the audience.

#### The Bar Is Set Low

The majority of presentations are awful. I’ve sat through them, you’ve sat through them, everyone in the audience has sat through them. Awful is what your audience is expecting. If a presentation is ‘reasonable’ your audience will be happy. A good, solid, well structured, entertaining presentation is beyond their normal hopes – such presentations are few and far between. I’ve known good presenters who get told years later that someone remembers them speaking – and I’ve known bad presenters who I haven’t recognised in the hallway outside their presentation. All you have to do to be remembered – and for your message to be remembered – is to aim above the bar. Its an easy target.

#### You Are Prepared

The most obvious flaw in other people’s presentations is under preparation. We’ve already discussed the main reason why: for the extravert the presentation, the act of presenting, is the thing. When an extravert is asked to present, he thinks a little about what his slides should look like, and a lot about the energy he will get from being on stage. The extravert doesn’t like the hours spent planning, researching and crafting his presentation – so frequently he decides to shorten this time and wing it. In most cases this leads to poor results.

As an introvert, you (and I) are not going to want to think about being on stage – indeed, we keep that to the back of our minds while we do the prep work. It is the time we spend before the presentation that allows us to be confident we are going to say exactly what we want to say in exactly the manner we want the audience to hear it.

Planning is only part of the presentation (an important part – and we will talk about the performance – the other part – later), but it is part you can be certain you have nailed, because it is the part of presenting that fits an introverts nature.

#### You Are In Control

You may not realise this, but when you give a presentation, you are in control.

The presenter is in a position of authority, and the audience, sitting in their chairs, waiting to hear what you have to say, innately respect this. You get to set the ground rules early on. If I know I’m going to face a barrage of questions about the subject of my speech – and I know I have already put work into leading the audience to where I found the correct answers – then I start my speech by telling them:

“I’m going to lead you through the process that led to this particular design. I know you’re going to have questions, so I ask you to wait until the end, by which time I hope that I’ll have answered them”.

If I don’t want people taking notes, I tell them ahead of time

“I’ve put down all the details in a handout we’ll pass out after the presentation, so there is no need to take notes. You’ve all got my email address in case there are any details you want to clarify later”

But this is’t the only control you have. On stage you have the right to speak. You have the right to express your ideas. You don’t have to think about what the next guy is going to say, or worry about making yourself heard. You may be talking – but you have been given the platform, and the time to prepare your thoughts into finely honed, well polished perfection. You don’t often get this chance – an opportunity to express yourself and your ideas safely. Normally if you want to get an extravert to hear you (which requires talking to them… extraverts don’t like to hole themselves away and read like you or I might), you’re fighting against your natural instincts. When you are on stage, it is your once chance to be yourself.

#### You Are An Actor

Lots of actors are introverts. This shocks many people, but it never shocked me. I always knew I was an actor. Not a stage actor, mind you, nor was I a big star of hollywood movies, yet I acted every day and a good number of people found the character I portrayed believable.

I am not my body. I am not the person people outside know as Ben. I’m an introvert – my life is an interior one – the person I am lives inside my head, this is where I enjoy playing with ideas, thinking, creating, learning and relaxing. Outside my head, the ‘real world’ is a foreign place, but its a place I have learned to live in and interact with.

But I never feel anyone in the real world has met the real me, the whole me.

They meet the character I portray.

And I’ve grown to be a damn good actor.

I play a number of roles – Work Ben – the guy I am in the office, Home Ben – the loving husband and deep thinker, and Social Ben who enjoys a few pints and bullshitting with a select group of cose friends.

When I step onto the stage, I’ve learned to play a different character. My on stage character is a lot like me – his voice is slightly different – he uses more gestures and holds stronger, more confident beliefs about himself. I’ve started to call him ‘Presentation Ben’ because I’ve realised that is the act I put on when I speak.

All the tricks we as introverts have used to get by in the real world, we can use on stage. While an extravert goes on stage and tries to be themselves, we have the option of going on stage and portraying a skilled and brilliant presenter.

Your motivation is to convey your message. The houselights are dimmed, ad you hear your cue. Its time for your scene. Break a leg.

# Your Performance : Using The Stage

Giving a presentation isn’t (unfortunately) only about the preparation – at some point, you are also going to have to perform. The performance is a show – its a bout being a character, someone other than yourself, and its about keeping in control. It is a situation which, rather counter-intuitively gives you all the power. What you have to learn is how to hold on to the power and how to use it to add to the impact of your presentation.

Your first tool, in giving a performance, is the stage.

The stage can vary. Sometimes you are up on a platform, at other times you stand on the floor amongst a horseshoe of seated people. often you will simply be standing up from your seat at a meeting table. But in all these situations, you have a stage, you have an area of space which you use to perform.

Think, for a moment, about presentations you have attended. How often do the boring speakers stand in one place, hiding behind something – perhaps behind a desk, or behind a lectern? When faced with public speaking, many people naturally and instinctively look for somewhere to hide. Rationally, we all know that hiding isn’t going to save us – you will be giving the same presentation, no matter what you put between yourself and the audience. But there is the rub, by putting things between yourself and the audience, you are not only hiding yourself – but you are also hiding your presentation – you are putting physical and mental barriers between the audience and your message.

So when you take to the stage, stand where you can be seen. Clearly, unobstructed, open.

Look around you – you have an audience, but you also have space. They are penned into their seats, often sat tightly, shoulder to shoulder, without much room to move. You, on the other hand, have room in which to move around. Feel the space, and be willing to move around into it, because my moving, you are – no matter how you feel inside – projecting an image of confidence and dominance.

Lets look at how the stage works:

First, consider the obstacles: there might be a podium or a desk. Ideally you want to move these out of the way. If you can’t do that, the next best action is to stand in front of them – to consider them the back of your working area. In short, don’t let the things on the stage get in the way of how you want to work – and certainly don’t let the fact that there is a lectern, pulpit, or chair determine how you are going to stand or sit when presenting to your audience.

On stage, you can move in four directions – left and right, forwards and backwards. Some people, when they present, have a habit of striding back and forth from the left to the right of the stage – this is a nervous habit, and isn’t what I mean when I say ‘use the space’. Rather, pick a spot on which to base yourself – a place to start your presentation. Don’t move from left to right, rather turn to the left, or to the right to engage with a certain section of your audience. As a speaker, it is your job to connect with everybody you are speaking to, so take time to look out towards your audience – turn to make eye contact with the people at the far left, the far right, the front and the back. When you want to make a point, make a connection with someone – anyone – in the audience.

Moving forwards and backwards is different. Moving forwards has an impact. Move forwards when you want to shock, when you want to impress a point, or when you want to share something. Moving forward brings you closer to your audience.

A while ago I was giving a technical presentation – one of many the audience had listened to that day. Like the other speakers, I started standing near a desk which was being used by the engineers controlling the various demos. Immediately I moved in front of the desk, so as not to let it obstruct me, and I began to talk – my talk was on the subject of ‘new features in a particular product’, however I was spinning it as ‘our journey to find ways of making your life easier’. The talk was going well, I was getting the key concepts across, but I reached a point where I had to explain a very tricky technical concept to the audience. Now I had prepared for this – I knew exactly how I was going to get it across: I had developed a metaphor to explain everything. But I also knew that I needed to have the audiences unswerving attention. So while previously I had been moving around a small space – mainly using the space to support my expressive body language, I chose this point to expand the space I was using. I stepped much close the the audience, and rather than talking about the technical subjects, I began talking about them, including the audience in my presentation.

Suffice to say, the presentation worked, and the audience (who had been grilling the guys before me on the most minor of details) gave me an easy ride through the question and anser session which followed.

By moving around the stage, I had kept hold of their interest – distracting them fromt he screens, and indeed from their notes – and, at the crucial point, I had moved towards them, drawing them in. This is what stage movement is all about.

Use the stage. Don’t use it to find somewhere to hide. Don’t use it to walk off your nervous energy. But take advantage of the space. Use it to show that you are confident. Use it to bring people closer to you. And perhaps use it like an actor – stepping to one side to share a secretive ‘aside’ with the audience.

To finish, leaving the presentation centred, you can draw back to your home, centred position, and, if applause follows, you can move forwards again to accept it.

The important thing to remember is, the stage will let you own it, if you take it. The power is there for you to control, your job is to grab it.

# Your Performance : Using Your Body

Two men walk out onto the stage.

One holds back. His hands are clasped in front of him, protecting him (at least symbolically) from the audience. He looks down, reads from his notes, doesn’t really catch our eyes.

The other stands up straight. He looks out over the audience, acknowledging the people whose faces he brushes with his eyes. His hands are sometimes by his sides, but often in front of him, making strong broad gestures to emphasise his points. He is dymanic.

Which is the more confident?

You might be tempted to say the latter. The second man seems more confident, and the audience will trust his because he is confident of what he is saying. But actually, the second man is simply aware of what he is doing on the stage and aware of what looks good to his audience.

Its all about being aware of your body. And there is nothing new about what a confident looking speaker does.

“Stand up straight” you were probably admonished by an older relative, perhaps a grandmother or great aunt.

“Hands out of your pockets”

“Don’t scowl”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you” (well, more like when you’re talking to me – talking, even from a stage, is a two way street, a two way communication”

These are the things you need to be aware of. Think of how you walk onto the stage. Do you stride on proudly? Do you rush on? Do you slink on, hoping (despite being in front of everybody) that no-one will notice you – because you’re slightly embarrassed to be there?

How would it feel if you were being called onto the stage to be given a medal for some act of heroism? To come onto stage to the applause of everyone in the room – people who are all here because they want to hear everything you have to say, because possibly they just want to be near a man like you. Can you feel that? Would it be different from how you currently walk onto the stage? Would you walk taller? Perhaps throw your shoulders back? Grin at the audience, with a strong knowing smile. Pause and enjoy the moment?

Then perhaps that is how you should begin. Your body is sending signals to the audience. It is saying “I deserve to be hear. Treat me like a hero”. But it is also saying the same things to you. You’ll feel not just the butterflies that the adrenaline gives you, but also the warmth of inner confidence – and, however brief that might be, it is better for it to be there than not. It is necessary to tap into the inner reservoir of speaking talent you may otherwise never reach.

the next thing to be aware of is what you do with your body

Do you rock from side to side?

Do you clasp your hands in front of you? Or play with your fingers.

Do you stand deadly still, worried that if you move lions (or the audience – who may be just as dangerous) will see you?

Stop it.

How? that is the rub. You can’t just stand still. The answer is to throw yourself into your words. Start simple. Walk around and use the stage. That will stop you rocking. If you are talking about emotions, mime those emotions – don’t worry about over acting – from a stage, all actors have to overact to get their message across to the back of the room, and any acting is more than most people hearing a speaker expect to receive. If you are talking about something big, mime ‘big’ with your hands – or with your body. If you are taking about something small, mime small with your hands, or crouch down into a little ball.

Now the audience – and you – are not just hearing your presentation, they are beginning to feel it.

If you’re counting “There are three things you need to know” then show people one, two three on your fingers. If you have a choice between this and that, then this is on one side of you and that is on the other. You can move between the two spots you show your audience as you talk about them.

And thats just the beginning. If you feel it, do it.

You’ll always have a few bad habits. Me, I bunch my hands into fists. I punch with them to make my points. This can be a good thing in small doses, but I do it too much. Just be vigilant to what actions you repeatedly make, and try to control them the next time you talk to a crowd. In time, you’ll gain control over your body, and your presentations will gain from it.

# Your Performance : Using Your Voice

You use your voice to speak, and the heart of your presentation comes from what you say. So your voice is very important.

It isn’t all about projecting your voice – these days microphones mean that vocal projection isn’t as important as it used to be – but projection is still a skill which is worth exploring, as knowing how to project your voice gives you lots of opportunities to alter how you use your voice – and to make your presentation more memorable.

The way to project your voice is like this:

1. Stand up straight.

2. Feel yourself breathing. Try to breath from deep down, blow your chest. Imagine the air is coming in and out of your belly button. Breath slowly and feel the breath. Feel your stomach rising as you breath in and falling as you breath out.

3. Smile. This raised your cheekbones, which gives the inside of your mouth more volume, and lets your voice echo inside – we all know we sound better singing in the bathroom – the echo adds a tonality to your voice which makes it sound richer.

4. Look at people at the back of the audience, your voice is going to have to carry to them, so make sure you are connecting with them

5. Wait until you have breathed all the way in, and your stomach has risen, then begin talking. When you talk, imagine your voice is coming from inside your stomach.

6. Speak clearly. Annunciate every syllable of every word.

This doesn’t take much practice. Follow these instructions and your voice will carry better the next time you speak.

Now people can hear your voice, lets look at the things you can do to make it sound better. First, lets consider speed. Many people speak too fast. Much like the use of the body, speaking quickly is something you have to notice if you’re guilty of, then slow down. As a tip for most speakers: if it sounds like you are speaking too slowly, you’re probably speaking at the right speed. Slow, careful diction sounds considered and will thought out, whereas the fast ramblings – even of the genius mind – sound distant and confusing. As you have more practice speaking, try varying to speed at which you speak. I go faster when I want something to sound complicated and technical – or when I want to sound very excited, and slower when I really want to ram. a. point. home.

Now you need to consider the tonality of your voice. There is nothing more boring than listening to someone speaking to an audience in a monotone (well, actually there is: someone reading there speech to an audience in a monoton). The monotone makes whatever you say lack humanity and emotion. To avoid this, really try to emote when you are speaking. If you are happy smile, if you are discussing something sad, scowl – your voice will carry the emotions with you. As with your body, don’t be afraid to overact.

You can also adapt your volume. If you are following the advice I gave earlier on projection, it is quite possible to speak quietly and still be heard at the back of the room. You can use this to share secrets (its the old stage whisper), to show humility or fear. Speaking loudly adds confidence, and switching from quiet to loud can scare the audience – making them jump and take note of what you’re saying. Its a trick countless head teachers have used in school assemblies (and of course, along with stand up comics, teachers are some of the most practiced public speakers you will come across)

The are to sounding good when you speak is mixing up all of the techniques above, matching them with the things you have to say. You can plan this in advance, but also, you can do it on the spot, taking in what you feel from the audiences reaction. If you both feel what your audience feel, and you also feel the meaning of the words, and then you bring this feeling out when you speak, you’ll have created a sound people want to pay attention to.

# Your Performance : Using Other People

Having looked at yourself – how you use the stage, your body language and non-verbal gestures and even the tone of your voice, its time to think about one more part of your performance, one you might not have considered:

Other people.

When you perform – when you present – even when you talk to someone else, there are always more than one person involved. You may be there presenting, but everyone else is there listening. A great presentation – a great performance not only delivers the message to them – it engages your audience and mankes them take the message in.

How does one do that?

We’ve talked about lots of the tricks and techniques of speakers in other articles – but a good example is one I’ve just given. Ask your audience a question. Asking a question is simple, but anyone who hears the question begins – automatically – to come up with a response. They are not just hearing what you’re saying, but listening to it. A rhetorical question is a great start – and perhaps easy for people who are nervous of their crowd, but better still can be to ask for a show of hands – something that really makes people stand up and pay attention (and – if you want, you can always ask people to stand up rather than raising their hands – that really makes them pay attention)

A lot of speakers like to keep their audience by making them laugh. While the art of humour in speeches would require a book on its own, I’m sure you’re used to the experience of telling a joke – and then not getting the laugh you want. Don’t be afraid of this, every audience is different. and as a speaker you have to get to learn the sort of crowd you are playing to. If a joke doesn’t work, tell another. A small titter is enough, once a crowd are laughing, they wil carry on giggling more and more as you continue. And because they are being entertained, information is sneaking into their heads without them noticing (which is, perhaps, the aim of the most cunning presenter). Feel you audience, read their laughs, and, if after a while the jokes arn’t working, go onto something else.

Try to shock your audience. Do something they don’t expect. If you need to jump in the air, to shout suddenly, to hit yourself, or to fall to the ground, don’t be afraid. If you think your audience are fearing your presentation is going to be dull and boring, make sure they’re wrong. Use things out of context – talking about going to the pub in a work presentation can really shift the mood. Telling a story about someone else, then revealing it was you that the event happened to can make a room full of people side with you. Sharing something from your history that most people would keep hidden is an easy way to grab attention (and sometimes sympathy) – I started a presentation with the phrase “I escaped from the mental hospital fifteen years ago – and so far I haven’t been caught” – the speech was about overcoming depression, but the opening sentence certainly drew the crowds attention.

Finally, as well as considering your audience, consider the other people that will have been speaking to them. I’ve seen a lot of people speak in a lot of different contexts, and I’m sure you’ll agree, most people who speak – even some professional public speakers – are pretty terrible.

Your job is not to be the best public speaker in the world. It isn’t even to be the best public speaker at an event. Your job is to be in the top quarter. The top twenty-five percent. And this is easy. A little practise and the information I’ve provided is enough to get anybody to this level in almost any situation. On’ve you’re in the top quarter, people will compare you to the other speakers and be so glad that you’re someone who knows what they are doing, someone who appreciates that performance is as importance as information content in a speach, that they will listen to you – they will want to be your friend.

Entertaining your crowd will get them on your side. And once you’ve got the crowd on your side, you really can’t lose. You will make a presentation everybody wants to talk about.

# Dangerous Distractions

In most social situations, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself – such is the curse of shyness. I already feel – secretly believe – that people pay far more attention to me than they really do.

Public speaking isn’t like that.

When you are performing in front of a crowd, speaking in public, presenting to the board, what you want is for people to hear your message. And that means you want people to pay attention to you. In previous articles I’ve written about grabbing the attention, and using stagecraft to keep people interested, but there is one more thing we need to do – and that is avoid anybody, or anything else becoming more interesting that you.

There are a variety of things which will distract people. Phones are distracting – not just because they buzz in someone’s packet causing that person to (hopefully) leave the room in order to take the call – but also because the ring tone can irritate others in the room, and because these days phones are themselves attention magnets, allowing the crowd to text, tweet, and surf the web. So where it is possible, please encourage to set phones to silent and put them away.

In other settings, it is increasingly common to see people using their laptops while you’re talking. And if your crowd are anything like, me, they will soon be drawn away from the ostensible use of note taking, to surfing the web. This is why I always try to make sure people are aware that full notes will be available after the session.

The notes are available after the session, because notes are distracting too. If you hand out notes before you speak, not only will people be tempted to annotate them, they’ll also choose to read the note rather than actually listen to what you’re saying. So while a handout is important, handing it out after the session (but making sure people know it will be available before you start talking) is a must.

If notes are bad, so too are slides. The moment you put slides up on a screen behind you, people’s attention is grabbed away from what you’re saying and onto whatever you’ve written. We can’t help but read. If you’ve filled a slide with bullet points, or covered it with text, we are going to read everything – and we’ll certainly read it faster than you’re going to say them. We’ll miss any extras you’re adding – and we’ll be borded by you, because we’ll always be ahead.

In short, don’t write things on slides.

Sometimes you can’t avoid slides. And sometimes a lack of slides will make you look unprepared. So my solution is simple: Think of your presentation like a magazine article. Only use slides where a magazine article would put something that isn’t in the main body of the text: perhaps a graph. Perhaps a title. Maybe, if you really have to, a quote. Photos are great. If you can find a photo (or take a photo) which illustrates some aspect of what you’re talking about, put it up there, then ignore it (other than maybe to say who the photo shows) – after all, if you’re telling a story with a hero, there is nothing wrong with letting people get a picture of what the hero looks like.

Diagrams can go on slides – sometimes diagrams can be really useful to help explain what is going on – and you have the chance to animate things, which helps further. But when you’re done with the diagram, get rid of it. And make sure you recapture the crowds attention.

Beyond slides, there are other things that can lose the attention of the audience. Technical problems are the most frequent – so be prepared – make sure you’re not relying on technology. If you’ve followed my advice about slides, everything will work, even without them, so you should be fine. If you’ve followed my advice about speaking, you should be able to project your voice so a microphone won’t be necessary. Sometimes you have to rely on technology – in videoconferences and webinars, for instance. In these cases, get everything checked out before you start. Have a test drive. When technology fails, you’re not just wasting your own time, and losing all the benefits you have gained from cleverly designing your speech, you’re also wasting the valuable time of all of your audience. In my view, that isn’t just lazy or incompetent behaviour, it is outright rude.

If you are using technology, also, get somebody else to control it (except for the slide clicker, which you should never let anybody control – as telling someone to change to the next slide is also very distracting). You should rehearse your presentation, so that the person controlling the technology knows what to do without being told.

One time I failed to do this, I was demonstrating a piece of software, while also controlling it. I had failed to realise I would be speaking with a hand held microphone. So there I was, on stage, mouse in one hand, microphone in another. I was thinking about the microphone and mouse so much, and worrying about what was on the screen to such an extent, that I forgot to look up and engage with the audience. Right there I learned my lesson – please learn it too, so that you never make the same mistake.

# Answering Questions

I like to leave questions to the end of any presentation I give – or, in a long presentation or training session I like to leave questions until before a break. I let the audience know this ahead of time, as I genuinely want them to think about things and ask me the things they need me to expand on – if for no other reason, than this helps me work out what I need to spend more effort on next time.

For an introvert answering questions on stage can be daunting. But personally I find it easier than answering questions in a one-to-one setting – here is why:

When you’re on stage, you are in control. You can decide how you want to answer a question, and how you want to frame it. The person in the audience generally won’t be interrupting – they’ll wait for you to finish saying you piece before asking any further points. This lets you take the question where you want to go, and explain everything you can about it before you need to fear another question. Moreover, the questioner won’t be able to come back and ask more and more detailed questions too often – the other members of the audience become irritated with someone who is asking too many questions – and having everyone else on your side reinforces you’re ability to take charge of the situation.

The best way to answer questions is – I find – to follow the formula below:

1. Stand up straight, pause and take a breath. Think about the question.

2. Repeat the question. This is often important if you’re being recorded (because the questioner is likely not to have used the microphone well), but more important if you’re not using a microphone (because the speaker may not project their voice well and even if they do, they are unlikely to be projecting it towards the audience). While you repeat the question, you have more time to think about how you will answer it, and also, you are ensuring you’ll be answering the question that was asked. (it is easy to think you’re being asked a different question, and then not pay attention to what the questioner actually says)

3. Remember to be in your speaking personality. I at least, differentiate between my speaking personality and my usual day to day personality. The speaker is someone I become when on stage. I have to actively remember to be the speaker when I answer questions, it is too easy to slip into being my less confident, less skilled self.

4. Treat answering the question as a mini speech. Try, if you can to structure it. The rule of 3 is a great thing to use here. Even if you don’t know exactly where your answer is going, you can start off by saying “There were three factors which led to our decision:” then go through three important factors one at a time.

You might also want to consider telling a brief story of what happened in a meeting, or what led to a decision if one springs to mind. Even if the story isn’t totally relevant it will give you a structure to hang your answer off.

5. Don’t be afraid to pause briefly and gather your thoughts. These pauses will feel like an eternity to you, but to the audience they feel brief – and make you look like you are calm and in control.

6. Don’t take things personally – if you’re taking about your work, or even about someone else’s work, you might feel it is your jod to defend it – or worse that people asking questions are attacking you personally. This isn’t true, your job is to explain the background, and why you’ve made the decisions you made, and to understand any problems the questioner might have so that you can address them in the future.

7. Be prepared to suggest meeting after the presentation to talk about something if you don’t feel you’ve managed to satisfy a questioner and want to move on.

You will often find people wanting to talk to you after a presentation. For some of my extravert friends, this is the reason why they give presentations – so they can be the centre of attention. For me, its not so good. Once a presentation is finished, I tend to feel overstimulated. So I try to keep post-presentation chats short, and instead arrange times later in the week – if possible – to discuss matters in more depth.

# Coming Back To Earth

Introverts are more easily stimulated than extraverts, thats why social activities are so tiring, we have to manage so much more stimulation and excitement than extraverts. Public speaking of any kind is therefore likely to leave most introverts in a state of hyper-stimulation. When I feel this, I feel somewhat detached from reality, with adrenaline flowing and everything feeling very fast and very big.

It is a tiring state – and while it seems to be a valuable state when it comes to speaking in public, it isn’t a state I would want to stay in for too long following a presentation – I worry it would lead to me making snap decisions and using poor judgement. Moreover, the longer I spend being hyper stimulated, the longer it takes me to come down, and the more tired I get.

So following a presentation, and perhaps spoken to all the people I need to speak to afterwards (and perhaps got their contact details, so I can follow up with them later), I like to take myself somewhere quiet – where I’m not going to be found. A toilet cubical is a very good choice, as is your car (though I wouldn’t recommend driving straight away). What you want to do is calm down, so I suggest the following exercises:

Mindfulness – when preparing to speak, I suggested paying attention to your body, and everything it was feeling. Not trying to suppress, or deny any feeling, but just noticing it, and noticing the physical affects it is having on you. Also notice the other sensations you are feeling (which can include the feeling of the toilet seat underneath you, and the smell of the bleach blocks in the urinals if you are hiding out in a WC). This is a very useful first thing to do to calm down, when you’re heard is beating, or your brain is rushing too fast because of how stimulated you are.

Breathing. Once you have taken control of yourself through mindfulness, slow breathing is very calming. Again, be mindful of your breathing, feeling the sensation (it can be shockingly pleasurable – even sensual). Breath in for a count of three, hold your breath for a count of three, then breath out for a count of three, and repeat for as long as you need.

Centre yourself. Imagine all the physical feelings of nervousness and stimulation flowing down from your head, through your body and out of your feet. If you need a bit of help doing this, stroke yourself from your face, down your chest, over your stomach and down your legs to you feet, imagining the feeling is a black liquid, washing all your stresses away.

Once you’re done with this, and calm, go and find something to eat and drink. You may well have dehydrated yourself slightly and you’ve certainly used up a decent amount of energy (especially if you’ve been jumping all over the stage, like I recommend), so if you have to treat yourself to a chocolate bar, feel free. You deserve it. Some people like to treat eating as another grounding ritual – it is certainly worth eating slowly and mindfully rather than just gulping it down to quench any emotional eating urge you may have.

Finally, go and find somewhere quiet to be, and do something non-stressful which doesn’t involve people for an hour or two. Something you enjoy is best, alone. Reading, perhaps writing or listening to another speaker, but not communicating.

Recovering from presenting can be hard for an introvert – and this isn’t unusual. Because of this, I would seriously suggest that it is a bad idea to have too many speaking engagements on the same day. If you do, you want to keep them next to one another with no gap, so you don’t hit the second speech while you are on the way down from the hyper-stimulation of the first.

# Taking Your Speaking Forwards

Once you’ve given your first presentation or speech, you’ll be looking to find out how to improve, so that your next presentation goes even better, and you’re ideas can be spread further and wider.

My first suggestion is to practice. Practice Practice Practice. It isn’t only how you get to Carnegie Hall, it is also how you get to be better – at speaking or almost anything else you may care to think off. As you’ve read some of the stories I’ve told, one way you learn is through making mistakes. Where possible, it is nice to make those mistakes in a friendly, forgiving environment. And while your workplace is probably more friendly and forgiving than you might imagine, it is worth looking for other places to practice speaking.

One suggestion is to take public speaking lessons – either one to one, or as part of a small group. My recommendation is to find a teacher who encourages everybody to practise as much as possible during the training, rather than someone who simply teaches from a presentation deck. I’m biased here, but I would recommend you contact

adelina@presentinggoodpractice.co.uk

and see how she is able to help you take your public speaking forwards.

Alternatively, for regular practice, repetition and notes on how to improve your speaking, you can’t beat going to meetings of Toastmasters International. Toastmasters groups have helped millions of people, all over the world, improve their public speaking and presentation skills. There is almost certainly a toastmasters group near you who will long to have you as a member. And the pricing is shockingly reasonable – far cheaper than most presentation training courses. You can come out of Toastmasters not only with improves speaking skills, but with widely recognised qualifications and a new group of friends and business contacts.

see

www.toastmasters.org

for more details.

Beyond practicing, you can also look to see how your messages can be carried further. In a very short time, you can get a reputation for writing good speeches – so much so that other people will ask you to help with theirs. This is a great opportunity, as it lets you influence what they are going to say and allows you to communicate with an audience without having to exert yourself socially.

For many introverts the role of being the power behind the throne is much more desirable than always being in the spotlight. So if you can find yourself one or two extraverts who long for the limelight, but don’t like to spend the time researching and writing their speeches, encourage them to work with you. You’ll get a lot of thanks, and you’ll get to do the sort of work you love while remaining peaceful and quiet.

Finally, don’t take on too much. Right now it is possible that you are excited. Your speaking is going well, you are progressing in your career faster than ever before. Everybody wants a piece of you. Remember to relax. Remember to honour your energy. There is only one of you, and you can only do so much. If it means rejecting things, saying no, turning down offers in order to keep your sanity, do it. You are more valuable than your speeches, don’t let yourself get burned out.

And enjoy yourself.

Public speaking can be a pathway to success for introverts, and you’ve taken your first step.